From: Doug Harter's Initial Logs Processor Subject: HUMOR Digest - 10 Apr 1993 There are 9 messages totalling 169 lines in this issue. Topics of the day: 1. Anti-female joke 2. Bumpersticker 3. Re: Bumpersticker 4. cannabilism [pg-13] 5. Portagees in Hawai'i (Gen. Aud.) 6. Re: Bumpersticker 7. Jewish humor!!!!! 8. Golf Joke Rated G 9. Re: Bumpersticker ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1993 00:44:06 +0200 From: Tom De Koninck Subject: Anti-female joke Q: What did god say when Eve washed herself for the first time in the ocean? A: "Shit, no I'll never get that smell out of the fish ! ========== ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1993 11:33:36 +0200 From: Tom De Koninck Subject: Bumpersticker Once saw this one on a car in small print IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU ' RE DRIVING DAMN CLOSE TO ME ! ========== ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1993 15:07:00 EST From: "Shirley D. Kennedy (813) 442-9066" Subject: Re: Bumpersticker One of my all-time favorites, seen on a car in the parking lot at a local mall: "Preachers do it with Amazing Grace" ========== ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1993 15:44:00 EDT From: Alex Leary Subject: cannabilism [pg-13] What did the cannibal say to his brother when he (passed) him in the woods? ========== ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1993 11:29:02 -1000 From: Kevin Roddy Subject: Portagees in Hawai'i (Gen. Aud.) There's a large Portuguese population here in the islands--"Polish jokes" substitute Portuguese, or "Portagee" in Hawaiian Pidgin (Da Kine Talk). Did you hear about the two Portagees that drove to the airport, saw the sign "Airport Left" and went back home? I know you're groaning out there, but it was really funny when this Portuguese/Filipino woman told it... ========== ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1993 18:23:56 -0500 From: Shelly Subject: Re: Bumpersticker How about this one I saw in a store: "Dyslexics Untie!" ========== ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1993 22:21:53 -0400 From: Michael Gold Subject: Jewish humor!!!!! A bumber sticker I saw: A Christian bumber sticker: I FOUND IT! A Jewish bumper sticker: 5000 YEARS AND WE NEVER LOST IT! mICHAEL gOLD UnIvErSiTy Of ToRoNtO ========== ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1993 22:48:30 LCL From: Stephen Wall-Buchanan Subject: Golf Joke Rated G I'm new to the list, so I hope that this goes to the right place and doesn't duplicate anything recent. Christ, Noah, and Moses are up in heaven, and they want to play golf. They have this really great golf course up there, and there's never a wait for a tee time. Anyway, they start looking around for someone else to play with, in order to make it a foursome. They see this old guy sitting in the locker room getting ready, so they ask him if he wants to play, and he says yes. They go out to play, and when they're out on the third tee, the score is still pretty close. The third hole has a really big water trap right in front of the green, and everyone always seems to hit it short, right in there. Moses is up first, and he hits it short, as usual, and the ball is rolling towards the water trap. Then suddenly, the water parts and the ball rolls right through and onto the green. Noah is up next, and he hits the ball short also, except that the ball is boucing towards the water when it lands on the back of a turtle, which takes the ball across the water and drops it on the green. As I said, this is a chronic problem, and Christ hits his ball short too, and it rolls towards the water trap. But instead of sinking, it rolls right across the top of the water and lands on the green. After all of this, they're wondering what this old man is going to do to match this. He hits the ball, and slices it really badly. It is going towards this really big tree on the side of the course when a squirrel runs out on a limb and catches the ball in it's mouth. It runs farther up the tree, and an eagle swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and the ball and is flying away when suddenly the sky gets dark and cloudy, and a lightning bolt comes out of nowhere and strikes the eagle. The eagle drops the squirrel, the squirrel drops the ball, and it bounces on the green and drops right in the hole. Everyone is amazed except Christ, who just looks at the old guy and says, "Nice shot, Dad." Stephen Wall-Buchanan srwall@mail.wm.edu ========== ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1993 23:02:58 MDT From: Marianne Subject: Re: Bumpersticker Or this one: AS A MATTER OF FACT, I *DO* OWN THE ROAD Or: IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I DRIVE STAY OFF THE SIDEWALK Then there's the story of the guy who was on a trip to the far east. As he landed, he could see the neon sign in the distance proclaiming ISLAMABAD AIRPORT . A few weeks later, on the return trip, he saw the same sign. By now however, some of the letters had burned out and the sign now proclaimed IS A BAD AIRPORT. ========== ------------------------------