From: Doug Harter's Initial Logs Processor Subject: HUMOR Digest - 1 Sep 1993 There are 12 messages totalling 287 lines in this issue. Topics of the day: 1. joke pg 13 2. Borrowing money 3. Burma Shave 4. bumper sticker, testing tickle 5. Partial canonical list of circumcision jokes 6. 7. Re: Burma Shave 8. BEWARE. Male Body PART Ment 9. jokes (?!) 10. Partial canonical list of circumcision jokes 11. Immortal Words (seen on a T-Shirt) 12. as happy as a pig in ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 09:23:30 EDT From: neville Subject: joke pg 13 A father was walking around the neighborhood with his son when they came upon two dogs involved in the procreative act. "Father, what are they doing?" asked the little boy. "They're making a puppy," the father said. Later that night junior gets out of bed and goes to his parents' room to find them in the procreative act. "Daddy, what are you doing?" asks the son. "We're making a baby," replied the father. The little boy's says, "Well roll her over -- I want a puppy!!!" ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 11:45:25 EST From: Joe Mole Subject: Borrowing money BORROWING MONEY One day Nasrudin asked a wealthy man for some money. "What do you want it for?" "To buy an elephant." "If you have no money you will not be able to maintain an elephant." "I asked for money, not advice!" Note about Mulla tales: The Mulla Nasrudin is a Sufi character whose origins predates Islam in his homeland of Persia (modern Iran). Nasrudin is an eternal sophomore. Mulla is a religious title which implies the person is a teacher, leader, and even a magistrate. The anecdotes which I post to HUMOR frequnetly see the Mulla playing a simpleton, while other times he is the teacher enduring the ignorant. These teaching-tales are not jokes, but to those raised in the middle east or with Yiddish humor there is something delightfully humorous in understanding the lesson(s) of each anecdote. Mulla Nasrudin tales should be understood as folklore. Many of the stories are ancient, most have been modernized although there is the pretense that event occurred in ancient times, and new Mulla Nasrudin stories are recent inventions. Idries Shah's books (published by NY's E.P.Dutton) are my source for most of these tales. I post these tales in the hope that others may be stimulated to post humor from other cultures. ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 12:39:16 -0400 From: Thomas Rowe Subject: Burma Shave My all time favorite Burma Shave sign was Don't leave safety to chance That's why belts are sold with pants Burma Shave ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 17:39:19 BST From: Mike Ellwood Subject: bumper sticker, testing tickle ------------------------------------------- Bumper Sticker: "GIVE BLOOD - play rugby" | ------------------------------------------- From New Scientist, 21 August 93, Feedback column: "Feedbacks heart goes out to Singapore's former discus and shot put champion Fok (sic) Keng Choy, not only for the injuries he sustained in an accident two weeks ago but also for the difficulty he must have had explaining it next day to his boss. According to the Malaysian New Straits Times, Choy was sitting on the toilet, when he was bitten on the testicles by a python. The report soes not explain how he failed to notice the python was there in the first place." ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 11:32:00 MDT From: Spit Bounces Subject: Partial canonical list of circumcision jokes The following collection of circumcision jokes were donated anonymously by a source who credits his proctologist brother as his source. Why don't cowboys get circumcised? So they have someplace to keep their chewin' tobacco while they're singing. What did the zipper say to the foreskin? How does THAT grab ya! Didja hear about the sentimental rabbi? Kept a scrapbook of his clippings. How about the guy who got his circumcision done at Sears. Now every time he gets excited, his garage door opens. Why do lawyers wear tight collars? To keep their foreskins from creeping up over their chin. Confucius say: "Old rabbis never die. They just can't cut it anymore." Didja hear about the new kosher laxative? "Let my people go" (I know it's not about circumcision, but I included it anyway) Circumcision--the salary sucks but the tips are great. ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 13:52:00 -0400 From: Eric Schmidt Subject: Q: How many Girl's School Girls does it take to change a light bulb??? A: We're WOMEN, and that's NOT funny. ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 14:46:17 GMT+6 From: "Neil G. Sapper" Subject: Re: Burma Shave Feel your face As you ride by Now don't you think It's time to try BURMA SHAVE? Is Burma Shave still on the market? Has anyone tried it recently? YNK ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 15:12:56 U From: Gayle Armstrong Subject: BEWARE. Male Body PART Ment Mail*Link( Remote BEWARE. Male Body PART Mentioned frequently The following collection of circumcision jokes were donated anonymously by a source who credits his proctologist brother as his source. Why don't cowboys get circumcised? So they have someplace to keep their chewin' tobacco while they're singing. What did the zipper say to the foreskin? How does THAT grab ya! Didja hear about the sentimental rabbi? Kept a scrapbook of his clippings. How about the guy who got his circumcision done at Sears. Now every time he gets excited, his garage door opens. Why do lawyers wear tight collars? To keep their foreskins from creeping up over their chin. Confucius say: "Old rabbis never die. They just can't cut it anymore." Didja hear about the new kosher laxative? "Let my people go" (I know it's not about circumcision, but I included it anyway) Circumcision--the salary sucks but the tips are great. ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 15:37:00 CDT From: THE UNICORN Subject: jokes (?!) Just a few jokes for today: Q. What's Dracula? A. A pain in the neck!! -------- a scene taken from the movie _Heartbreakers_ (tried to do this as best as I could): A man in a hospital room awaits surgery for the next day. The day before, the phone rings & here's the conversation: "Hello?" "Hey, Murry, congratulations. I see you made it! Came through surgery okay. Half of the guys die on the table." "What? It's tomorrow?" (forgive me, Riley, if I told it wrong. I tried to do it as you said!) -------- here's something my brother made up in relation to song artists & their songs: Q. How long did it take Lionel Richie to tie his shoe? A. "All night long"... ------- Q. What did the peanut butter say to the jelly? A. I'm stuck on you. -------- I had a friend tell me the following story (kids are sooo cute): She was at the Gainesville Zoo with her 3 girls. Next to them was a little boy about 5 years old. They were all looking at the zebras. Well, the little boy looked wide-eyed in wonderment as he exclaimed,"Daddy, look! That horse still has his pajamas on!!" --------- Hope you enjoyed these. Everybody have a great week! --Meshel ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 16:15:41 EDT From: Ron Chibnik Subject: Partial canonical list of circumcision jokes Circumcision Jokes: There's this moyl (sp?) who has been collecting foreskins for his entire twenty year career. He's got a whole box of them. And he thinks "I must be able to do SOMETHING with these things." So he goes to a leather craftsman and asks him to make something of his collection of foreskins. "Come back Tuesday and I'll have something for you" says the craftsman. The moyl can't wait. Finally tuesday comes around and he goes to see the leather guy. "Ah! You're gonna love this!" he is told, and the leather worker takes out a small change purse and lays it gingerly on the counter. "That's it?!? Twenty years of foreskins and all you could make was a change purse!!??" "Sure it's a change purse" says the leather guy. "But you rub it and it turns into luggage!" ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 18:22:09 -0600 From: Les Pourciau at Memphis State Subject: Immortal Words (seen on a T-Shirt) IMMORTAL WORDS Know Thyself -Socrates To Thine Ownself Be True -Shakespeare Never Wash Whites With Colors -Mom ========== ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 16:42:14 -0700 From: "NADAV 415-666-2973 AHARONOV@ALM.ADMIN.USFCA.EDU" Subject: as happy as a pig in A man sees a farmer holding a pig up to an apple tree so the pig can eat the apples. The man says to the farmer "Doesn't it waste a lot of time to feed the pig that way?" The farmer says "What's time to a pig?" ========== ------------------------------