From: Doug Harter's Initial Logs Processor Subject: HUMOR Digest - 3 Dec 1993 There are 23 messages totalling 743 lines in this issue. Topics of the day: 1. Unabandoned convent, Sara Pippelini. 2. Bathroom wisdom 3. Sniglets 3... 4. Innocent 8 year olds (PG) 5. May be offensive to mice and cats 6. Letterman Top Ten List for 11/30/93 (fwd) 7. The abandoned convent on Elm Street (offensicv 8. JOKE: One morning at the breakfast table 9. Barney the New Age Demon, the New Age Demon 10. da Rushman 11. Re: Signoff 12. Horror-scope 13. boxer, tape, irs 14. Free Trade 15. Reasons why I can't go out with you.... 16. Blonde Checkout Girl 17. Tom Swifties 18. Dumb Jokes (G) 19. Rush humor (redundancy) 20. Classroom joke PG-17 21. Business joke about rich Republicans <1950s> 22. Follow up to Barney story-s 23. 2: 1 obscure, 1 obscene ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 14:55:06 GMT+10 From: Ken Price Subject: Unabandoned convent, Sara Pippelini. Before the convent was abandoned.... Mother Superior wished to interview all the trainee nuns who had decided not to pursue the vocation. They lined up outside her office, and she called them in one by one. M.S.: "Well my child, why are you leaving our convent?" First Nun: "I wish to become a nurse like Florence Nightingale and help the sick and unwell" M.S.: "A fine choice: go with my blessing" M.S.: " And you, my child, why are you leaving us?" Second Nun: "I wish to be a famous scientist like Marie Curie and discover new facts to help mankind" M.S.: "A splendid career, my child. Go with my blessing" M.S.: "And you, my child? Why do you wish to leave us?" Third Nun: "I wish to be a famous actress like Sara Pippelini" M.S.: " An actress, oh that is indeed a fine career. But Sara Pippelini? I don't believe I have heard of her" Third Nun: "Oh Mother Superior, there is a story about her in todays newspaper" The Mother Superior pulled the newspaper out of her desk and opened it. There on the front page was the headline: "SAHARA PIPELINE LAID BY 400 MEN IN 14 DAYS" ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 00:01:50 EST From: Sara Rummelhart Subject: Bathroom wisdom Bathroom wisdom: Make love, not war. Underneath someone wrote: Do both--get married. What has 75 balls and screws little old ladies? Bingo. ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 09:26:32 GMT From: Ellen Daleng Subject: Sniglets 3... QUASIMOTOING (kwa' zee mo' to ing) v. Crouching under the overhead compartments while waiting to leave the plane. BELTBUCKLE WALTZ (belt' buk il waltz') n. The beeping tone of the airport metal detector. VIDEOOPS (ved' ee oopz) n. Forgetting to return rented videos on time. ZZZZZZZAAAAHHH!! (zzzzzzzaaaahhh') n. The split second you wake up and spot a spider on your pillow. BUDFLAP (bud' flap) n. The little aluminum piece that hangs down inside a beer can after it's been opened. KRASHTONITE (krash' ton yt) n. The indestructible material the "black box" is made of - and how come the rest of the plane isn't made of this? MUFFINLUST (muh' fin lust) n. The slightly illicit feeling one experiences when undressing a cupcake. XEROHNO (zeer oh' no) n. A person who is getting copies as a favor for someone else when the copy machine jams. CORNFLUKES (korn' flooks) n. The cereal that manages to fall between the paper liner and the outer box. AUTOLAUNCHE (ah' to launch) n. When everything falls out of the glove compartment as you open it. Q-SPICIOUS (ku' spih' shus) adj. Examining a cotton swab immediately after use to make sure part of your brain isn't attached to it. SHAMPOOZLE (sham poo' zul) v. Filling up an empty shampoo bottle with water in the hope there's still enough left for one more wash. UNDERWONDER (un' dur won' dur) n. That "knowing" feeling you get when carrying an armload of laundry that causes you to turn and look behind and see a trail of dropped underwear. ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 11:27:07 +0000 From: P S Gupta Subject: Innocent 8 year olds (PG) An eight year old goes for a walk with his dad. On the way they pass a ranch and there, two horses are doing it. The eight year old is pretty amused and asks his dad the obvious question - " Hey dad, what are those horses doing ?". The dad is a little embarassed and replies "Son, they are making themselves a Baby pony !!". The son is quite convinced and moves on with his dad. That night when the son is going to the loo, he hears strange noises coming from his parents' room. Inquisitive as he was, he enters the room unannounced, only to find his dad over his mom. The son says "Hey Dad, what are you and mom doing ?". To which the embarassed dad replies "Son, we are making you a baby brother!". The son is not quite happy and says, "In that case, why don't you turn mom over and make me a baby pony instead ?" ------------------------------------------------------------------ Again the eight year old goes for an early morning walk with his dad. On the way he sees a butterfly. He springs on it and smashes it down. The dad is angry and says "Son, no BUTTER for you for a week !". They move ahead. This time a honey-bee is seen. The son again makes a go for it and kills it. The dad is again not impressed and says "Son, no HONEY for you for week.!". After returning from the walk, dad, mon and son are having breakfast. Suddenly from nowhere a cockroach appears on the table. The mom makes a swift move and smashes it down with a tea cup. The son says "Hey dad, do you tell her or do I tell her ??". ------------------------------------------------------------------ Two eight year olds in school - First one, "I found a contraceptive on the porch !". The other, "What's a porch ?". ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 07:59:00 EDT From: "Tom Ohlendorf - TSU Admin. DP, (410) 830-3642" Subject: May be offensive to mice and cats Question: What does a 300 pound mouse say? Answer: Here kitty, kitty! ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 08:43:56 -0500 From: "Amy L. Ward" Subject: Letterman Top Ten List for 11/30/93 (fwd) ---> November 30, 1993 <--- ==================================================== Top Ten Signs The Nanny You've Hired Is Really A Man ==================================================== 10. Constantly whining about prostate trouble 9. Name on driver's license reads "Walter Payton" 8. Can bench press 450 7. After changing baby's diapers, services your Jeep 6. Constantly adjusting herself 5. Has Adam's apple the size of a cue ball 4. On day off, appears on "Geraldo" 3. Knows a little too much about "Mork" 2. Winces whenever someone mentions Lorena Bobbitt 1. The Bea Arthur factor Subject: Are you a real engineer? (fwd) *************************************************************************** * Amy L. Ward * * * Career Center * "My computer can beat me at chess, * * The George Washington University * but it's no match for me at * * cecalw@gwunix2.gwu.edu * kickboxing." -- Emo Phillips * * othello@unix1.circ.gwu.edu * * *************************************************************************** > Real engineers wear jewelry made from discarded motherboards. > > Contrary to popular belief, real engineers do put on nail polish; > they just never remove it. > > Real engineers schedule their yearly Pap smear around their beta > release schedule. > > Real engineers not only nurse and program at the same time, but > they lull their babies to sleep by the clacking of the keyboard. > > Real engineers buy their husbands matching screwdrivers for > Christmas, but use them more than he does. > > Real engineers get narcotics during labor, not for the pain, but > to stop them from taking the fetal distress monitor apart. > > Real engineers don't shave their legs above the hemline, in the > interest of efficiency. > > Also in the interest of efficiency, real engineers buy convertibles > so they can blow-dry their hair on the way to work in the morning. > > Real engineers carry 2 cans of soup, a yogurt (and a spoon), a box > of Triscuits and a package of light Hostess Cupcakes in their purses > at all times, in case they pull an all-nighter. > > Real engineers only buy purses big enough to fit their laptops in. > > Real engineers only wear slipon shoes (with or without heels) so > she can take them off to sit cross legged in her chair while > programming. > > Real engineers keep getting thrown out of Vicoria's Secrest because > they insist on knowing the exact tensile strength of their bras > before buying them. > > Real engineers are excited at their first periods, but mostly because > its gives them a chance to use the biometric viscosity measurement > tools in their science kits. > > Real Engineers carry a set of matched screwdrivers in their purses. > > Real Engineers figure out how to nurse and fix the toaster at the > same time. > > Real Engineers fix the runs in their pantyhose with duct tape. > > Real Engineers figure out algorithms to minimize thread usage when > doing counted cross stitch. > > Real engineers keep their key chains and pen pocket protectors on > even during labor. > > Real Engineers look on having a baby as an opportunity to brush up > on biomedical and structural engineering in preparation for taking > the PE exam. > > Real engineers cinch their biking skirts with cable ties. > > Real engineers read the toxic shock inserts in the tampon box. > > Real engineers examine the inner workings of the fetal monitor > between contractions. > > Real engineers make cantilevered birthday cakes (but never provide > documentation on how to cut them!) > > Real engineers never spell in front of the kids; they'd like to, > but they can't! ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 14:29:06 GMT From: Mike Ellwood Subject: The abandoned convent on Elm Street (offensicv The chaplain told me that this was a very old convent, dating back to times when priests were persecuted; it was rumoured that there was a "priests hole" somewhere in the building. In fact, other rumours had it that there were plenty of priest's holes to be found if one knew where and when to look... He did want to make one thing very clear: at no time and in no way had Michael Jackson ever taken refuge in the convent, before or after it was abandoned. Definitely. Anyway, they don't even have altar boys. The sisters are perfectly able to perform all the roles which the latter do in ordinary parish churches. Or used to be; before they left (*sob*). Has to do all the services single-handed now. Then he got to rambling on about the good old days; apparently, years ago, when the Catholic Church and the Anglicans first started talking to each other, with a view to possible unity one day, his bishop had gone to lunch with the local Anglican Bishop. Relations between the two churches hadn't been all that good until then, so it was all rather delicate, and they were both on their best behaviour, trying not to cause any possible offence, even by accident. The waitress came to take the Anglican bishops's order. He said: "I'll have a bloody steak please miss". The Catholic bishop, a gentle, rather unworldly man, was a little taken aback by this use of apparently profane language, but of course could not show it, and thought perhaps that was the way that Anglican bishops spoke, and that he had better reply in kind. After all, when not in Rome, do as the non-Romans, so to speak: "I'll have the same please miss, and oh yes, plenty of bloody chips!" Actually the day hadn't started too well; he'd stayed overnight at the Anglican bishops house, a grand affair, with servants, although rather old-fashioned, without running hot water. As luck would have it, there was a new boy on early morning duty, who was charged with taking the visiting bishop his hot water in a jug for shaving. All the way along the corridor he rehearsed what he had been told to say: "Good Morning My Lord - It's the boy with your water". He said this to himself perfectly, over and over again. However, as he knocked on the door, his nerve completely failed him, what with this his first day, and this being an important guest, and all, and what came out was: "G-G-G-Good morning my boy, this is The Lord with your water" :-) ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 10:43:10 -0400 From: TKENNETT@BENTLEY.EDU Subject: JOKE: One morning at the breakfast table Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say 'ass' and I'll say 'hell'". All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast. "Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some cheerios." His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?" "I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be cheerios." ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 11:31:06 EST From: Rich Elkins Subject: Barney the New Age Demon, the New Age Demon From today's San Jose Mercury News: Preacher calls Barney a demon Barney the dinosaur, preschoolers' favorite purple pal, has been declared a "new age demon" by a right-wing radio evangelist. "Straight out of the new age and the world of demons and devils," the reverend Joseph Chambers says. The cult of Barney, Chambers says, is further proof that "America is under siege from the powers of darkness." Chambers further complains: "Barney is teaching kids that we must accept everyone as they are -- whether they're homosexuals or lesbians." Chambers' Charlotte, N.C.-based radio ministry is putting out a "Barney the Purple Messiah" booklet, previously titled "Barney the New Age Demon." Explains Chambers: "It's a less provocative title." ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 12:11:20 EST From: Mike Weinstein Subject: da Rushman Hey, he is funny! "Femi-Nazi's": what a scream! I know some. Saw a birthday card in the store that had a drawing of him spouting into the microphone about "I'll keep half my brain tied behind my back just to make it fair, etc.." and the message inside was: "I got a new airbag for your car for your birthday" Maybe some of the hard core ditto heads take him too seriously, but he's the only true political satirist on the right. His caricatures of the liberals are on the money. Let's hear some more political humor! Mike ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 12:20:35 EST From: "B.D. Colen" Subject: Re: Signoff Why sign off? Because nun of the joke books were left behind when the Sisters abandoned the convent and, besides, they all have a number of really filthy habits! ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 12:14:48 EST From: Bill Subject: Horror-scope YOUR HOROSCOPE Aquarius: Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid. A snake would be an idea pet for you. Pisces: Feb. 19 to Mar. 20 You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for your flaunting of your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals. Your dog wants to bite you. Aries: Mar. 21 to April 19 You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are not very nice. Please clean out your cat's litter box. Taurus: April 20 to May 20 You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are a communist. Rush Limbaugh loves you. Gemini: May 21 to June 20 You are quick and an intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for committing incest. Cancer: June 21 to July 22 You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are Cancer people. You need to learn how to wipe better. Leo: July 23 to Aug. 22 You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are known thieves. Virgo: Aug. 23 to Sept. 22 You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgo's make good busdrivers. Your pet rats like you. Libra: Sept. 23 to Oct. 22 You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you more than likely are queer. Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are good prostitutes. All Libras die of venereal disease. You should flush your toilet more often. Scorpio: Oct. 23 to Nov. 21 You're shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall receive the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered. Trade in your ant farm for termites. Sagittarius: Nov. 22 to Dc. 21 You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal. Fleas look good on you. Capricorn: Dec. 22 to Jan. 19 You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as they are apt to be mistaken for inanimate objects. Do you really think Dan Quayle is intelligent. ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 12:05:45 -0600 From: Ian Chai Subject: boxer, tape, irs ---------------------------------------------------------------------- SOUTHAMPTON, England (AP) - Boxer Tony Wilson won his fight in three rounds Thursday night after his mother climbed into the ring and hit his opponent over the head with her stiletto shoe. Opponent Steve McCarthy left the ring with blood seeping from a head wound as security officers ushered Minna Wilson away. When McCarthy refused to return, referee Adrian Morgan raised Wilson's arms in victory, declaring that McCarthy had retired. Uproar broke out among the 1,000 specators at the Guildhall in this south English port, where the British light heavyweight title eliminator fight between local boy McCarthy and Wilson was being staged. The furious crowd kicked and punched Wilson before he escaped to a dressing room, sheltered by his trainer and manager. "The first thing I saw was my mum in the ring, and then eveything went wild," said Wilson, from Wolverhampton, central England. "She has been watching my fights for years and nothing like this has happened before." Police reinforcements were sent. But no one was arrested, and no one was reported injured. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Some years ago a friend of mine was taking a magnetic computer tape through customs in Egypt. The customs staff on discovering the tape started to unreel it onto the floor. When my friend asked what they were looking for they told him that they were checking the film for pornographic scenes. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- On a similar note: Many years ago (about 15), I used to work for the Infernal Revenue Service (boo!). Every Friday, some friends and I would gather in one one of the cafeterias and play our guitars during our lunch break. And -- every Friday -- when I brought my guitar case into the building, the guard would stop me and say, "What's in the guitar case?" I would look at him like he was purple and say, "Why, a guitar, of course!" And each week, he would tell me to open the case and he would search the entire case (who knows what for!), includ- ing the inside of the guitar. Well, one week, when he asked me, "What's in the guitar case?", I said -- with a perfectly straight face -- "A submachine gun." Did he search the case that time? NO! He waved me on! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I once went through customs from the US into Canada carrying a 2400' mag tape. The customs agent wasn't buying the $20 (or whatever) I told him it was worth (no duty on the value of the DecSystem 20 operating system on the tape, but that's another story). He got his calculator out and was figuring the square footage of the tape so he could charge me the going duty on mylar. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 10:13:12 -0800 From: Andrew Laurence Subject: Free Trade Now that Clinton's gotten Congress to pass NAFTA, he's pushing for the Southern Hemisphere Amalgamated Free Trade Agreement - SHAFTA! ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 13:49:22 -0400 From: "Sometimes I really wish I could be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now." Subject: Reasons why I can't go out with you.... I'd LOVE to, but ... -- I have to floss my cat. -- I've dedicated my life to linguini. -- I need to spend more time with my blender. -- It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People. -- It's my night to pet the dog/ferret/goldfish. -- I don't go out on days that end in 'Y. -- I'm going downtown to try on some gloves. -- I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products. -- I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise. -- I have an appointment with a cuticle specialist. -- I have some really hard words to look up. -- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting. -- I promised to help a friend fold road maps. ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 16:32:54 +0000 From: Alun Richards Subject: Blonde Checkout Girl So there's this blonde checkout girl, and one of the items in the customer's basket just won't scan. The supervisor comes over and says "We'll enter it manually: you read out the bar code & I'll type it in". So the checkout girl goes "err, OK: Thick-line, Thick-line, Thin-line..." ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 14:05:24 -0500 From: Lee Bradley Subject: Tom Swifties Years ago, there was a renaissance of interest in Tom Swifty jokes. I'd like to see how many subscribers of HUMOR we can gross out with some of these jokes. Here goes: "Do you think this shirt goes with these pants?" asked Tom warily. "I want to see the beavers," said Tom eagerly. "Wait! I'm coming," Tom ejaculated. "Where are the cows?" Tom uttered. "I ain't no priest!" said Tom inordinately. "I think it's going to rain," said Tom precipitously. "'Death Becomes Her,'" said Tom euthanistically. "Who cares about an old Bible?" Tom asked vulgarly. "Where are my clothes and CD player?" asked Tom, barely audibly. "Go feed the god," said Tom dyslexically. "He's dead," Tom croaked. "I keep hearing a buzzing noise," Tom droned. "They won't let me join the Cetaphile Club," blubbered Tom. "Do people pay attention to grammar anymore?" Tom asked rhetorically. "Does anybody know any more of these?" asked Tom invitingly. ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 13:57:57 MST From: Phil Corless Subject: Dumb Jokes (G) Q: What do New England fishermen send each other at this time of the year? A: Christmas cods. ------------------------------------------------------- Q: What are the favorite punctuation marks in Japan? A: The period, the exclamation point and the kamikaze. ------------------------------------------------------- Beavis and Butthead will be starring in a feature-length movie, in which they dress up as frumpy Irish housekeepers. The title? "Mrs. Doubtfire... fire... fire... fire!" ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 16:45:45 -0500 From: JOHN VOGEL Subject: Rush humor (redundancy) You know the difference between Rush Limbaugh and a beached whale? 50 lbs and a loud sports jacket. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Saw my first one this week: A bumpersticker: FLUSH RUSH ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 16:16:33 MST From: Jim Taylor Subject: Classroom joke PG-17 I was at night school, last night, taking a Biology class. The teacher, who normally wears a miniskirt 9 times out of 10, was talking about the different types of defenses that prey have against predators. She was talking about a little bright red frog in africa. The frog is bright red, and attracts the predators, but is also very poisonous. With that, the instructor said "eat me, and you die" then one student smirked, and the whole class room in unison, drowned out the instructor with laughter for about 5 minutes. ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 19:45:42 EST From: Sim Webster Subject: Business joke about rich Republicans <1950s> Richie Royal was having a particularly good year. After working 20 long years as a vice-president for the the family silk business, he had become President and Chairman of the Board. His grandfather had died earlier that year. One morning, his secretary brought in some checks for him to sign. "This one," she explained, "is for your $100,000 initiation fee into the Hoover Dinner and Golf Club." "Oh, that's wonderful. I should get a nice tax break on that," sighed the wealthy executive. "This one is for the house you're buying out on Long Island. It's for $1,250,000." "Good deal. They have such good schools in that community." "And this one for $2,000,000 is for that new office we're opening in Paris." "Hey, I worked hard planning for that expansion," commented the rich Republican. "And now," said the secretary. "I'd like to ask you for a raise. I've been with you for more than two years now. Would $25 a week be all right?" "Twenty-five dollars!" shouted the company president. "What do you think I am, a millionaire?" ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 16:32:02 U From: Bob Schmitt Subject: Follow up to Barney story-s Follow up to Barney story:satire DINOSAUR EATS REACTIONARY, HATE-FILLED MINISTER Millions Cheer; Animal Suffers Violent Indigestion San Jose, CA -- Dec. 2 -- A large purple reptile claiming to be Barney the Dinosaur today attacked and consumed Rev. Joseph Chambers, a notoriously reactionary local radio minister who had earlier blamed the beast for a variety of social ills, including tolerance, open-mindeness, and mutual respect. Chambers, who had minutes before the attack exhorted his listeners to "rootout all the devils and demons that are plaguing this great land," was devoured on the steps of his radio station in front of a relieved crowd of several thousand. In between bites, Barney could be heard singing to the tune of "This Old Man" the words: "I love you/You love me/Rev Joe/Is mighty tastee." Shortly thereafter, the beast suffered a violent dyspeptic attack, brought on by the ingestion of too much bile...but thanks to the Clinton health plan.....He's covered! ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 12:08:13 -0500 From: "Jeff Fowler, SAI Biological Devt., Palo Alto, CA" Subject: 2: 1 obscure, 1 obscene True story: I read this in a music industry paper review of the latest recording effort by Paul McCartney's old, old group "Wings". It seems that the band has completely run out of ideas and virtually every track is a tired re-hash of past efforts. It seems that this really is just a band on convent_ion. (Now don't tell me that nun of you get it). Sorry. I've been struggling to recall a delightful old joke which has something to do with a dismembered nun rolling down a hill (no doubt making a break from the abandoned convent) going black-white-red-black-white-red. How exactly does it go? Q.What goes black-pink-black-pink-black-pink-white? A.A black man masturbating. ========================================================================= ------------------------------