From: Doug Harter's Initial Logs Processor Subject: HUMOR Digest - 1 Jan 1994 There are 4 messages totalling 125 lines in this issue. Topics of the day: 1. A Rooster's Life (Farm Humor) 2. 5 elephant jokes 3. Crying too much 4. You can't borrow it ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 1 Jan 1994 00:55:38 -0500 From: Robert Carta Subject: A Rooster's Life (Farm Humor) A farmer had just introduced a new rooster into the hen house. The old rooster was a little upset by this, because it meant that he would soon meet his demise. The old rooster approached the new rooster and said, "Listen, son. If I let you take over here, I'm bound to find my head on the chopping block. I'll make a deal with you. You can have all the young hens in this hen house, as long as I can keep the two old ones over there in the corner. Then, that old farmer won't think I can't perform." The new rooster said, "No way. I'm a rooster and I must be king. If you can't perform any more, that's not my problem. You'll just have to get out of the way, old man." The old rooster, pleading, said, "Well, I'll tell you what. I'll give you all the hens without a fight. Just do me one last favor. Let's hold a race around the hen house, just so the farmer will see there's still some life in me. It might prolong my life just a little more." The young rooster said, "O.K. It can't hurt. I'll give you a 10-length handicap." So, the roosters began to race around the barn. The old rooster was slow, and it didn't take long for those 10 lengths to disappear. Just as the two roosters were rounding the corner, the young rooster closed in on the old rooster. The farmer, watching from the porch, stood up, got his rifle, took aim, and blew away the young rooster, exclaiming, "Dag-Nabbit! That's the 3rd gay rooster I bought this month!" Robert Carta rcarta@bix.com ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 1 Jan 1994 11:10:42 EST From: Bill Subject: 5 elephant jokes This recollection of elephant jokes comes from From: Joseph Fusco Subject: Elephants - I Just HAD to Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW? A: Four. Two in front, two in back. Q: How can you tell if you have an elephant in your fridge? A: All the Jell-o is gone Q: How can you tell if you have two elephants in your fridge? A: All the Jell-o is gone, and there's tracks in the butter Q: How can you tell if you have three elephants in your fridge? A: All the Jell-o is gone, there's tracks in the butter, and the roast is half eaten. Q: How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge? A: There's a VW parked out front. ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 1 Jan 1994 11:27:05 EST From: Sara Rummelhart Subject: Crying too much Martha Hammer had just come bck from a garment-industry convention when her secretary walked into her office. "Martha, you look awful. Are you sick?" "No, but it's a long story." "So tell me." "Well, the first night of the convention, I met this gorgeous hunk at the bar," she explained. "Turns out he's a buyer who really likes our products. One thing led to another and before you know it, we're back in his room fucking our brains out." "What's the big deal?" "Nothing. But afterward, he sat in bed and started sobbing. See, he's married with five kids at home. His crying got me thinking about my Harold and our two kids. That's when I started bawling." "But, Martha, that was more than seven days ago. Why are your eyes still so red?" "If you cried your eyes out three times day for a week, you'd look like hell, too." ========================================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 1 Jan 1994 19:10:29 EST From: Joe Mole Subject: You can't borrow it WHOM DO YOU BELIEVE? A neighbor went to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey. "It is out on loan," said the Mulla. At that moment the donkey was heard to bray, somewhere inside the stable. "But I can hear it bray, in there." "Whom do you believe," said the Mulla, "me or a donkey?" A CLOTHESLINE A neighbor came to borrow Nasrudin's clothesline. "I am sorry but I am drying flour on it." "But how can you dry flour on a line?" "It is less difficult than you think, when you don't want to lend it." ========================================================================= ------------------------------