From: Doug Harter's Initial Logs Processor
Subject: HUMOR Digest - 2 Jan 1994

There are 3 messages totalling 83 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1.      Letterman Bottom 10 drinks
  2.      Miami crime humor
  3.      Pope wants to meet the Virgin Mary <profane>

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Date:         Sun, 2 Jan 1994 08:37:57 -0500
From:         JOHN VOGEL <JVOGEL@NHQVAX.HQ.NASA.GOV>
Subject:      Letterman Bottom 10 drinks

X-Comment: Late Show with David Letterman Top Ten Lists

---> December 31, 1993 <---

**To assist in this Top Ten List, Dave brought out the Top Ten Backup
  Singers, a trio, who sang each number before Dave read the item**

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Top Ten Least Popular Alcoholic Beverages
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10. Really, Really, Really, Really Old Milwaukee
 9. D-Train Scotch
 8. Amaretto Di Gotti
 7. Orville Redenbacher's Butter-Flavored Vodka
 6. McBourbon
 5. Dinty Moore's Pork N' Booze
 4. Ernest, Julio, Tom and Roseanne Gallo
 3. Dr. Scholl's Medicated Tequila
 2. Seagrams 7, Mets 0
 1. Chivas Regis
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Date:         Sun, 2 Jan 1994 13:32:02 EST
From:         Bill <BEDWARDS@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>
Subject:      Miami crime humor

Dave Barry: Miami has a reputation for having a bad crime problem.

Audience:   How bad is it, Dave?

Dave Barry: It's so bad that this punch line has been stolen. (Rim shot,
answered by gunshots).



Dave Barry: A while back we rented one of those warehouse storage lockers, so
we could store some of our stuff in there for a couple of years before
throwing it all away. The rental guy asked me to sign a piece of paper, and he
said:

"This just says you're not going to use it to store any, like, drugs or human
bodies."

I looked at him.

"You'd be surprised," he said.



On Thanksgiving Day, some workers were trying to fix a clogged toilet at a
rental duplex, and they found a person in the septic tank. (This person was
deceased. Fortunately for him.)
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Date:         Sun, 2 Jan 1994 23:46:02 EST
From:         Sara Rummelhart <RUMMELH@USCN.BITNET>
Subject:      Pope wants to meet the Virgin Mary <profane>

The Pope and Wilt Chamberlain die at the same time and meet on the way to
their prospective destinations.  After a brief discussion they proceed
on, but due to some unforeseen confusion, Wilt winds up in Heaven and the
Pope goes to Hell!

After a few hours, the error is caught and they again meet on the way to
their final resting places.

The Pope say, "Boy, I was worried for awhile.  I always wanted to meet
the Virgin Mary."

Says Wilt, "I think you're too late."
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