There are 5 messages totalling 130 lines in this issue. Topics of the day: 1. Women 2. Children, Part 3 3. My first time Ever 4. The Dentist (Adult) 5. On Marriage ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 05:16:45 -0400 From: Jim Moore Jr Subject: Women * One day the Mexican maid announced to the Yuppette that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I am in the family way." The Yuppette was both surprised and shocked and asked who it was. The maid replied, "Your husband and your son." This time, the Yuppette was horrified and demanded an explanation. "Well," the maid explained, " I go to the library to clean it and you husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and you son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit." - - - - - * When the surgeon came to see his young patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it." replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one to ever ask that after a tonsillectomy." - - - - - * The Bride smiled sweetly at the Maid of Honor when they both overheard the Groom say to the Best Man, "Look, I'm positive she's a virgin. In fact, if you care to bet, I'll give you 20 to 1 odds." When they were alone though, the Bride shouted, "How could you do such a thing ? We're only just married & already you're throwing money away." - - - - - * Back in frontier days, not a lot was known about birth control. This one doctor though had what he considered a fairly foolproof method. He would tell the women to put their feet in a ten gallon crock and leave them there while they slept. To his surprise though, one woman with 10 children became pregnant. He asked her if she hadn't followed his instructions. "Well, sort of." she replied. "We didn't have no 10 gallon crock, so I used 2 five gallon ones. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Enjoy jokes ? Visit me @ http://www.corpcomm.net/~llittle/jimmy.html ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 13:30:17 +0200 From: Maurizio Mariotti Subject: Children, Part 3 STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything. TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and he/she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. VERBAL: able to whine in words. WEAKER SEX: the kind you have after the kids have worn you out. WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house. WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge." ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 14:58:04 EDT From: Brad DAVIS Subject: My first time Ever My First Time Ever The sky was dark, the moon was high All alone just her and I, Her hair so soft, her eyes so brown, I know just what she wanted to do, Her skin so soft, her legs so fine, I ran my fingers down her spine, I didn't know how but I tried my best, I started by placing my hands on her breast, I remember my fear, my fast beating heart, But slowly she spread her legs apart, And when I did it, I felt no shame, All at once white stuff came, At last I finished, Its all over know, My first time ever... Milking a cow. ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 22:16:57 -0400 From: David Burns Subject: The Dentist (Adult) A guy and a girl met at a bar ... They're getting along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and washes his hands ... He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. So the girl looks at him and says: "You must be a dentist!" The guy all surprised says "Yes .. how did you figure that out?" The girl says: "Easy...You keep washing your hands." One thing led to another. They make love. After they were done, the girl says: "You must be a GREAT dentist!" The guy was very very surprised, he says: 'Yes, I sure am a great dentist; how did you figure that out??' The girl says: "Easy.. I didn't feel a thing." ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 3 Jun 1997 09:38:38 -0400 From: Chalapathi Rao Poduri Subject: On Marriage A father was talking to his son just before the son's marriage, explaining what the son could be looking forward to in his marriage. He said, "Son, in the very beginning, it's tri-weekly. After you've been married ten years or so, it's try weekly. But then after your silver anniversary, it's try weakly." Chalapathi ------------------------------ End of HUMOR Digest - 2 Jun 1997 to 3 Jun 1997 **********************************************