There are 6 messages totalling 303 lines in this issue. Topics of the day: 1. Spoof Virus warning (not offensive) 2. The Moore Household 3. Will Rogers (Not Offensive) 4. Logical English 5. Halloween Joke 6. Humor - Compendium Of Chicken Jokes (3rd of 5) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 17:44:50 -0000 From: Stephen McCabe Subject: Spoof Virus warning (not offensive) Hope you like it - certainly made me laugh. Steve ****************************************************************** WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE! Gullibility Virus Spreading over the Internet! ****************************************************************** WASHINGTON, D.C.--The Institute for the Investigation of Irregular Internet Phenomena announced today that many Internet users are becoming infected by a new virus that causes them to believe without question every groundless story, legend, and dire warning that shows up in their inbox or on their browser. The Gullibility Virus, as it is called, apparently makes people believe and forward copies of silly hoaxes relating to cookie recipes, email viruses, taxes on modems, and get-rich-quick schemes. "These are not just readers of tabloids or people who buy lottery tickets based on fortune cookie numbers," a spokesman said. "Most are otherwise normal people, who would laugh at the same stories if told to them by a stranger on a street corner." However, once these same people become infected with the Gullibility Virus, they believe anything they read on the Internet. "My immunity to tall tales and bizarre claims is all gone," reported one weeping victim. "I believe every warning message and sick child story my friends forward to me, even though most of the messages are anonymous." Another victim, now in remission, added, "When I first heard about Good Times, I just accepted it without question. After all, there were dozens of other recipients on the mail header, so I thought the virus must be true." It was a long time, the victim said, before she could stand up at a Hoaxees Anonymous meeting and state, "My name is Jane, and I've been hoaxed." Now, however, she is spreading the word. "Challenge and check whatever you read," she says. Internet users are urged to examine themselves for symptoms of the virus, which include the following: The willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking. The urge to forward multiple copies of such stories to others. A lack of desire to take three minutes to check to see if a story is true. T. C. is an example of someone recently infected. He told one reporter, "I read on the Net that the major ingredient in almost all shampoos makes your hair fall out, so I've stopped using shampoo." When told about the Gullibility Virus, T. C. said he would stop reading email, so that he would not become infected. Anyone with symptoms like these is urged to seek help immediately. Experts recommend that at the first feelings of gullibility, Internet users rush to their favorite search engine and look up the item tempting them to thoughtless credence. Most hoaxes, legends, and tall tales have been widely discussed and exposed by the Internet community. Courses in critical thinking are also widely available, and there is online help from many sources, including Department of Energy Computer Incident Advisory Capability at http://ciac.llnl.gov/ciac/CIACHoaxes.html Symantec Anti Virus Research Center at http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/index.html McAfee Associates Virus Hoax List at http://www.mcafee.com/support/hoax.html Dr. Solomons Hoax Page at http://www.drsolomons.com/vircen/hoax.html The Urban Legends Web Site at http://www.urbanlegends.com Urban Legends Reference Pages at http://www.snopes.com Datafellows Hoax Warnings at http://www.Europe.Datafellows.com/news/hoax.htm Those people who are still symptom free can help inoculate themselves against the Gullibility Virus by reading some good material on evaluating sources, such as Evaluating Internet Research Sources at http://www.sccu.edu/faculty/R_Harris/evalu8it.htm Evaluation of Information Sources at http://www.vuw.ac.nz/~agsmith/evaln/evaln.htm Bibliography on Evaluating Internet Resources at http://refserver.lib.vt.edu/libinst/critTHINK.HTM Lastly, as a public service, Internet users can help stamp out the Gullibility Virus by sending copies of this message to anyone who forwards them a hoax. ****************************************************************** This message is so important, we're sending it anonymously! Forward it to all your friends right away! Don't think about it! This is not a chain letter! This story is true! Don't check it out! This story is so timely, there is no date on it! This story is so important, we're using lots of exclamation points! Lots!! For every message you forward to some unsuspecting person, the Home for the Hopelessly Gullible will donate ten cents to itself. (If you wonder how the Home will know you are forwarding these messages all over creation, you're obviously thinking too much.) ****************************************************************** ACT NOW! DON'T DELAY! LIMITED TIME ONLY! NOT SOLD IN ANY STORE! ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 07:40:40 -0500 From: Jim Moore Jr Subject: The Moore Household * One time at Sunday dinner, with the entire family present, I was going on about how the "Man of the House" (namely me) is largely ignored. I asked what it was I had to do to get some attention from them all. My three-year-old Granddaughter said, "Try crying Pop-Pop." - - - - - * I can still remember when our son was young and in elementary school. His favorite position to do homework was on the living room floor, sprawled in front of the TV's dim light. One time Mrs JimJr saw me looking at him and said, "Kind of reminds one of a modern day Abe Lincoln, doesn't it ?" - - - - - * Mrs JimJr once made the mistake of putting me in full charge of our first Granddaughter who was still a toddler. I would have done fine too, had not the CowBoys been in a tuff football game. Next thing I knew, I heard this thumping noise, and to my alarm Christina had fallen down the 6 steps leading from the main to the lower level. Well, other than a scare, she wasn't hurt, as it was all carpeted. Mrs JimJr, hearing the commotion, yelled from the kitchen, "What was that ?" I said, "You missed it. Christina just took her first steps." - - - - - * We hosted my son's wedding rehearsal dinner, and I was holding court on marriage and commitments, etc. My son, who had obviously heard enuff, spoke up and said, "My Father tells it like it used to be." - - - - - * Speaking of chores, one Sunday I was watching football on TV and as the second game came on, Mrs JimJr asked if I was going to till the veggie garden. I told her I would think about that in a while, at the moment, I was busy thinking about mowing the lawn. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Enjoy humor ? Visit me @ (jokes page) http://www.mindspring.com/~vibes/jimmy.htm (jokes posted) http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293 ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 13:27:10 -0500 From: Doug McNees Subject: Will Rogers (Not Offensive) THINGS WILL ROGERS NEVER SAID (But probably wishes he had) --It's a confused world. We're running out of electricity-- and aw, shucks, nobody even knows what it is. --Sign on a boss's desk: "It's too late to agree with me. I've already changed my mind." --When the teacher asked the meaning of "unaware," little Johnny replied "It's what you put on first and take off last. --It's a well-known fact that the older a man gets, the faster he could run as a boy. --What the average couple wants to get out of their new car is the kids. --People who depend on their family tree for status should shake it first. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------- Doug's Joke Book ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 11:16:22 -0800 From: "Keith E. Sullivan" Subject: Logical English LOGICAL ENGLISH I said, "This horse, sir, will you shoe?" And soon the horse was shod. I said, "This deed, sir, will you do?" And soon the deed was dod! I said, "This stick, sir, will you break?" At once the stick he broke. I said, "This coat, sir, will you make?" And soon the coat he moke! -- Anonymous -- Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird (McHaw) List To subscribe or unsubscribe, write maiser@mail.otherwhen.com and put "SUBSCRIBE McHawList" or "UNSUBSCRIBE McHawList" in the message body. Send contributions to KSullivan@worldnet.att.net ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 16:22:46 EST From: Funnyman Humor Subject: Halloween Joke Q: Why don't mummies go on vacations? A: Because they might relax and unwind!! ===============SUBSCRIBE TO FUNNYMANHUMOR=============== Write to: Funnymanhumor@juno.com and put SUBSCRIBE in the subject. Send subscriptions, contributions,comments and whatever else to: Funnymanhumor@juno.com =========================================================== ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 16:45:52 -0600 From: "Ken Brousseau Sr." Subject: Humor - Compendium Of Chicken Jokes (3rd of 5) We've seen many chicken jokes posted on this list. Some unknown individual has compiled these, which I've copied from another list. Why did the chicken cross the road? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. >George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that He was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests. >Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. >Homer Simpson: Mmmmmmmmm, chicken. >Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will. >Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. >Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?" >John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty. >Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Saddam Hussein : It is the Mother of all Chicken Jokes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ------------------------------ End of HUMOR Digest - 1 Nov 1997 to 2 Nov 1997 **********************************************