There are 11 messages totalling 771 lines in this issue. Topics of the day: 1. Disney News Release 2. Russia 3. Strange but True!!! 4. More is Less 5. Bungee-Jumping (clean) 6. UGA HumorList files IPO 7. Lost between Baby Boomer and Gen X'er 8. This has gotta be REAL: the guy works for a PBS station! 9. Acrimonious comments and questions about contemporary life 10. Southern rules 11. Some GENERAL Questions ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 31 Mar 1998 23:54:53 -0800 From: Stan Kegel Subject: Disney News Release DISNEY SUPPORTS NEW SOLUTION TO STATUS OF JERUSALEM Jerusalem, Israel (JFP)--April 1, 1998: For Immediate Release When U.S. peace negotiator Dennis Ross was asked by reporters, immediately following the conclusion of the grueling Hebron accord, where his next destination would be, the weary diplomat answered "I want to go to Disneyland." Most observers understood this to be nothing more than a wish for well-deserved relaxation from the exhausting demands of Middle East diplomacy. However, sources close to the Netanyahu government have now let it slip that Ross's words were actually a veiled hint at a possible solution to the next, most difficult stage, in the implementation of the peace process, the formidable discussions regarding the final status of Jerusalem. A potential breakthrough in the anticipated impasse may now have been reached as a result of an unexpected offer from the Disney corporation. Although all parties concerned insist that the final arrangements will have to be settled through direct negotiations between the involved parties, the preliminary details are as follows: The Old City of Jerusalem will be leased for an undetermined length of time to the Disney corporation, who will turn it into a religious theme park that will tentatively be called "Holy Land." The park will be subdivided into "Jewish Land," "Christian Land" and "Muslim Land," with the area of each coinciding roughly with the extent of Old Jerusalem's present religious "quarters." Precise blueprints for the park have of course not been finalised, but the Disney planners, speaking off the record, were visibly enthusiastic about the potential for a series of mechanical rides and roller coasters based on appropriate themes. "We have already produced outlines of a simulation in which visitors, drive along on tracks, will retrace the steps of the High Priest through the ancient Temple, culminating in a special surprise in the Holy of Holies." A similar ride has been devised for the Via Dolorosa, following the stations of the cross. The greatest excitement is being generated by the projected "Muhammad's Night Journey" ride which will be based on the Muslim prophet's ascent on the steed Buraq through the heavens from the Al-Aqsa mosque. Officials of the Israeli government were understandably reluctant about confirming the above plans. However one spokesman, Michael Ma'oz of the Foreign Ministry, agreed to discuss some of the issues involved, stressing that none of these statements were, at this moment, more than distant speculations. When asked about likely opposition from Israel's powerful Orthodox parties, Ma'oz replied that this appears to be less of a problem than previously feared. Disney has agreed to make generous contributions to a number of yeshivahs and other religious institutions. "Many ultra-Orthodox seem quite pleased by the prospect that they can get paid in dollars just for walking around in their traditional clothing. In fact," said Ma'oz, "the rabbis were generally less concerned with the content of the park, which their own people would be unlikely to visit, than with receiving assurances that the Disney folks will not allow the inclusion of any "Reform Street" or "Conservative Square" (A Disney representative did however suggest that non-Orthodox neighbourhoods might be included in prospective satellite parks outside of Israel). Asked whether this would contradict Prime Minister Netanyahu's pre-election commitment to an eternally united Israeli Jerusalem, Mr. Ma'oz muttered an obscure comment about Pinocchio's nose, and proceeded to point out how "Egged"'s proposed new combined monorail and roller-coaster would provide welcome relief from the capital's traffic congestion. A representative of the Jerusalem Waqf, `Adan al-Duq, was visibly upset when approached with questions about the alleged plan. However, he too acknowledged that the anticipated antagonism from fundamentalist circles would probably not materialise. "The Disney people appear to have learned their lesson from the Aladdin fiasco. They were very reasonable about withdrawing their original suggestion about attaching mouse-ears to the Dome of the Rock, and will definitely not be opening any new tunnels. Also, a private agreement may have been reached with President Arafat." Mr. al-Duq was reluctant to go into detail, but rumours circulating in the Jericho marketplace speak of a Disney commitment to allow Mr. Arafat to fulfill a childhood dream involving wearing a costume (possibly of a character from "Snow White") at the California Disneyland. Sources in the Holy See hinted at a package deal that would allow for the eventual establishment of a "Vatican Land" in Rome. The issue that troubles most people about the plan, is of course, the security question: Can the Disney crew maintain law and order in the volatile environment of Jerusalem's Old City? "No problem!" a spokesperson assured us. Remember that the Disney family has official links with at least one world-famous law-enforcement agency. "I can't reveal anything official at this stage, but we expect the area to be policed by an agency that we refer to as the `Temple Mounties'." Standing at the foot of the Temple Mount, the Disney representative assured us that every effort would be made not to alter or interfere with the city's traditional religious life-styles and traditions. His assurance was symbolically underscored as the ancient chant of the muezzin filled the air with the proclamation "Allah hu `Achbar." ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 03:16:48 -0500 From: Jim Moore Jr Subject: Russia * For many years, the border between Poland and Russia was volatile. Due to a political shift, a farmer found that he was no longer a Russian, but had become a Pole. Thrilled, he told his wife, "Thank God ! No more of those freezing Russian winters." - - - - - * A Russian athlete won an Olympic medal for throwing the hammer. A TV announcer told him no one had ever before thrown one that far. The athlete replied, "Get me a sickle, and I'll throw the thing even further." - - - - - * Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse in the new Russia, now, they've just run out of shortages. - - - - - * Poor old Yeltsin isn't nearly as popular as he was just a few years ago. I understand a magazine is running a contest for the funniest "Boris" joke. First prize is twenty years. - - - - - * Two Russians meet on the street corner. One spat. The other said, "Yuri, please, let's not talk politics today." - - - - - * With the spirit of perestroika and glasnost, Egypt sent a mummy to Russia as a gift. The Egyptians said they were sorry, but they didn't know how old it was. Several weeks later, a Russian rep called the Egyptian curator and said they now knew the mummy's exact age. Amazed, the Egyptian asked, "How did you find out ? All of our tests were inconclusive." "Easy." the Russian replied. "The mummy confessed." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= April is UGA HumorList Month; to subscribe, Send an e-mail to: listserv@uga.cc.uga.edu leave the subject area blank; in the BODY of the letter, type: SUB HUMOR yourfirstname yourlastname ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 07:04:11 -0500 From: Terry Galan Subject: Strange but True!!! Here's an interesting tidbit of coincidence. I submit for your approval, two presidents, two assassins, two centuries and one hell of a coincidence. I know it sounds like a Twilight Zone but it's more like X-files: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners. Both successors were named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are made of fifteen letters. Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse. Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater. Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And last but not least, Before Lincoln was shot he was in Monroe, Maryland. Before Kennedy was shot he was in Marilyn Monroe. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 10:15:18 -0500 From: Patrick Ash Subject: More is Less Redmond, Wash. April 1, 1998 Microsoft today announced the newest addition to its popular Windows (TM) line of computer operating systems. Code named Atlantis, the newest offering will be officially known as Win '00, pronounced Windows double zero. At the gala press conference, complete with red, white, and blue lights bathing the stage, Bill Gates, President and CEO of Microsoft, personally made the announcement. Multicast to every corner of the world, Gates spoke to the huge crowd of computer press, as a 60 foot high video screen behind him showed his face, and Aerosmith sang their hit 'Dream On' in the background. "We are on the verge of the new millenium, and Microsoft is ready to lead the way into the new century. Just as we have been on the forefront of technology, claiming every advance in computing, we will now set the newest standard in the market. Taking the concept of the Virtual machine to its next logical evolutionary stage, our new operating system features the virtual desktop. No longer can the luddites claim that we have taken the look and feel of a competitors system. This concept will mark the beginning of a new paradyme for desktop computing. Yesterday we said "Where do you want to go today?", and tomorrow we will say "what do you want now?" Microsoft has shown again that we are the only choice." Following the rousing cheers and a standing ovation from the assembled press, Vice President Steve Ballmar continued on the theme established during the keynote speech. "As you all know, Microsoft is and will continue to be the dominant force in desktop software. To maintain our advantage, we have developed the ultimate in ease of use for our customers. Our aim was to develop something that would be everything to everyone. We have been able to achieve this and more. As fate would have it, this project, along with another initially unrelated one, came together with the spectacular results you will see. That second project, designed to target the widely held, but untrue belief that our software is bloated and buggy, had the aim of decreasing the footprint of our operating system. As both projects developed, they converged, and we found that we could achieve both goals by extending the virtual desktop concept to the ultimate level. We have virtualized the entire operating system!" "This concept has many advantages. Any user can make his system anything he wants, limited only by his lack of vision. Everyone can have things exactly as they want, and if there are any glitches in the implementation, it will only be due to user error. Let me show you how powerful and easy this new concept is with an illustration. Imagine that you have to give a presentation for an important client, and that you will want to use a word processor for the text, a spreadsheet for some tabular data, and of course, some presentation graphics. Now further imagine that you have all of the Microsoft tools that will allow you to do this perfectly, conveniently located on your virtual desktop. Now imagine that you are done. Wasn't that easy! "With things this easy to use, and all responsibility for error shifted to the user, we feel that tech support is no longer needed, although such a drastic move might cause undue concern for our customers. Therefore, we have implemented a new, highly trained transitional staff to help with any issues our customers might have. This has allowed us to put our current tech support staff to work on other critical items, including the next paradyme shift in network computing, and mowing Bill's lawn. By its nature, the virtual Operating System, and the associated virtual desktop, is highly correlated to the thoughts and needs of the individual user. This ties in perfectly with Microsoft's recent purchase of the Psychic Friends Network. There will be an 800 number, and each caller will get the first 10 minutes free, then the chance to talk to his or her own psychic, to help with rebuilding the virtual desktop." Press reaction was positive, with comments such as: Steven Manes, columnist for PC World - "I have finally found something I can understand. It is so simple, a child could do it. There is nothing to it." Sandy Reed, Editor of Infoworld gushed "The greatest thing since sliced bread. I can see now that this will be voted the best operating system in next years readers' choice survey." Jerry Pournelle, Senior Contributing Editor of Byte Magazine - "Frankly, I don't see it, but ... Bob's your Uncle." John Dvorak, computer columnist and radio personality - "This is revolutionary. I am surprised that no one thought of it before." After the press conference ended, a Microsoft spokesman filled in a few more details. "We are calling it Win '00, not Windows 2000, simply because we cannot garantee that it will be Year 2000 compliant, and since the Department of Justice is being so picky about anything we say, we thought a little truth in advertising would be prudent at this time. The product is scheduled for release the first quarter of 2000, and slated to ship by the third quarter of 2002. It will be available to all OEM's and VAR's under the same limitations and restrictions that apply under their current licensing agreements. Windows and now the number 00 are trademarks of the Microsoft Corporation. all rights reserved. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 10:55:05 -0500 From: Paul Benoit Subject: Bungee-Jumping (clean) Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a pinata? ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 10:01:08 -0800 From: Chris Ryan Subject: UGA HumorList files IPO --MimeMultipartBoundary Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Georgia, April 1 (Reuters) - UGA Humor List filed Wednesday an initial public offering with the Securities and Exchange Commission for an undetermined number of common shares to be sold by the company and a selling shareholder. There was no initial public offering price per share contained in the filing, and the company said it will not receive any proceeds from the shares sold by the selling shareholder. UGA Humor List is an unmoderated rule-governed list which provides internet readers with substantial examples of humor via electronic mail. UGA Humor List said it will use the net proceeds from the offering to pay the cash portion of the consideration for the acquisition of rec.humor.funny and repay outstanding debt under its bank credit facilities and under the rec.humor.funny credit facility. Its other uses for the proceeds include for incentive compensation owed under an existing agreement with the chairman and chief executive officer of UGA Humor List tied to the successful completion of the offering, and for general working capital. Underwriters Donaldson, Lufkin & Jenrette Securities Corp., Salomon Smith Barney and Simmons & Company International have an over-allotment option on an additional number of undisclosed shares. UGA Humor List has applied to list the shares on the New York Stock Exchange under the symbol ``PHUY.'' --MimeMultipartBoundary-- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 13:14:52 -0600 From: Jennifer Walker Subject: Lost between Baby Boomer and Gen X'er Author unknown--my brother sent this one to me! You're Lost Between A Baby Boomer And A Gen X'er If... 1. You remember when Jordache jeans were cool. 2. In your fifth grade class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up. 3. You know by heart the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song 4. You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!" 5. Three words: Atari, IntelliVision and Coleco, sound familiar 6. You remember the days when "safe sex" meant that your parents were gone for the weekend. 7. You remember Friday Night Videos before the days of MTV. 8. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid. 9. While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying. 10. You remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was alternative. 11. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan. 12. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you. 13. You've ever conversationally used the phrase, "Jane, you ignorant slut!" 14. Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language. 15. You're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing. 16. You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna or Cyndi Lauper video. 17. The first time you ever kissed someone at a dance came during "Crazy for You," by Madonna 18. You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made your old Big Wheel quite obsolete. 19. The phrase "Where's the beef," still doubles you over with laughter. 20. You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON. 21. Ted the photographer on The Love Boat. 22. Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something which can only be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting." 23. You've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in the last five years. 24. You're starting to believe now that maybe having the kids go to school year round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. 25. You're doing absolutely nothing pertaining to your major. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 16:10:17 -0500 From: JIM MICA OFFICE OF ADMISSION ITHACA COLLEGE Subject: This has gotta be REAL: the guy works for a PBS station! =46rom:=09IN%"Gregory_Keeler@WSKG.pbs.org" 1-APR-1998 15:25:36.97 To:=09IN%"gkeeler@compuserve.com" CC:=09 Subj:=09PBS to acquire TIME WARNER Return-path: Received: from relay1.smtp.psi.net (relay1.smtp.psi.net) by oa.ithaca.edu (PMDF V5.0-4 #11318) id <01IVCYPF5WN48X45B4@oa.itha= ca.edu> for JMICA@oa.ithaca.edu; Wed, 01 Apr 1998 15:25:32 -0500 (EST) Received: from nature.pbs.org by relay1.smtp.psi.net (8.8.5/SMI-5.4-P= SI) id PAA28583; Wed, 01 Apr 1998 15:08:09 -0500 (EST) Received: from fcsmtp.pbs.org (fcsmtp.pbs.org) by pbsvax.pbs.org (PMDF V5.0-8 #15454) id <01IVCY3FSYSG9BWS7L@pbsvax= .pbs.org>; Wed, 01 Apr 1998 15:07:54 -0400 (EDT) Date: Wed, 01 Apr 1998 15:07:50 -0500 =46rom: Gregory_Keeler@WSKG.pbs.org (Gregory Keeler) Subject: PBS to acquire TIME WARNER To: gkeeler@compuserve.com Reply-to: Gregory_Keeler@WSKG.pbs.org (Gregory Keeler) Message-id: <106418109.120589558@pbs.org> Organization: PBS - Public Broadcasting Service MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN Content-transfer-encoding: 8BIT X-Gateway: FirstClass Gateway for SMTP/NNTP (MacPPC) version 1.02 =09=09=09EMBARGOED UNTIL =09=09=0912:01 a.m., April 1, 1998 PBS ANNOUNCES BID TO ACQUIRE TIME WARNER -- If PBS Doesn=92t Do It, Who Will? -- =09ALEXANDRIA, VA., April 1, 1998 -- The Public Broadcasting Service= (PBS) announced today that it intends to acquire America=92s largest media = corporation, Time Warner, in a multibillion-dollar merger and to disperse Time War= ner=92s units among PBS=92s 349 member stations. =09PBS, whose current budget is $252.6 million, estimates the purchas= e will require a hefty 11-figure sum. PBS intends to raise the acquisition f= unding through on-air pledge appeals, including a star-studded concert = =93featuring artists with only one name.=94=20 =09PBS=92s acquisition of Time Warner will extend several existing re= lationships with the media giant. PBS allied with Warner Bros. Records in January= to create PBS Records, and Turner Home Entertainment (now Warner Home Video) ha= s been PBS=92s home video partner since 1994. Many analysts see this latest = effort as a strategic move on the part of PBS to build horizontal, vertical and d= iagonal synergies not only across Time, but also across intergalactic space. = A PBS spokesman said that current Time Warner executives Gerald M. Levin an= d R. E. Turner =93will be encouraged to apply for positions in the new compan= y.=94 =09Asked if the PBS announcement was an April Fools=92 jest, Ervin S.= Duggan, PBS=92s president and chief executive officer, said: =93Are you kiddi= ng? We=92re serious. We=92re PBS.=94 =09Mr. Duggan said he expects the Time Warner acquisition to be a maj= or topic of hallway chatter at this year=92s annual convention of PBS member stat= ions, set for June 13-16 in Miami Beach. =93There may be naysayers,=94 he comme= nted, =93but I think the stations will come around when they get to pick which piece= of Time Warner they will each control.=94 =09According to the PBS spokesman, PBS will retain control of Time Wa= rner=92s cable operations and will establish a new cable service called The Pledge C= hannel, in response to dozens of viewer requests. =93We plan to do for on-air fu= ndraising what CNN does, well, for news,=94 he said. =93Our pledge is all pled= ge: all day, all night, all over the world.=94=20 -- PBS -- =20 ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 16:43:16 EST From: Bill Edwards Subject: Acrimonious comments and questions about contemporary life It is okay to be a little foolish today. Heckuva job, fellow right-wing conspirators, sneaking that Kathleen Willey into the Democratic Party. I think all law enforcement agencies should be split up into 2 departments: Them that protect and serve, and them that collect revenue. My wife and I have the perfect marriage. I control her and she mainpulates me. I think the White House should stop trying to spin this scandal and just move on to the rinse cycle. I liked kids too until they became teenagers. If love is blind, then why do they make lingerie? My daugher-in-law is so mean that we have to call in an exorcist after every visit. After months of being forcibly subjected to countless movies, books and documentaries abou the Titanic, I'm beginning to understand why so many men chose to stay aboard. My post office has a permanent sign on the stamp machines that says: "Temporarily out of service." You are what you throw out of your car. Hillary is the one who deserved the Oscar for best performance. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 20:46:10 -0500 From: Gwendolyn E Eckman Subject: Southern rules RULES IN THE SOUTH 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. 2. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows. 3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. 4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. 5. Do not buy food at the movie store. 6. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. 7. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent. 8. People walk slower here. 9. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. 10. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it. 11. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. 12. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here. 13. If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down. 14. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. 15. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased. 16. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers. 17. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November. 18. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do. 19. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed. 20. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer. 21. Florida is not considered a Southern state (except Gainesville). There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there. 22. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle. 23. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself. ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 2 Apr 1998 09:44:52 -0500 From: Chalapathi Rao Poduri Subject: Some GENERAL Questions [Answers Below] 1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse? 2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of? 3). What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it? 4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k? 5). Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman? 6). What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands? 7). What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat? 8). What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages? 9). What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? [Scroll Down For Answers] 1. (talk) 2. (legs) 3. (a twenty dollar bill) 4. (firetruck) 5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt) 6. (fork) 7. (Almond Joy candy bar) 8. (grit) 9. (last name) Chalapathi And More Of His Four-Line Signatures! :-) ------------------------------ End of HUMOR Digest - 1 Apr 1998 to 2 Apr 1998 **********************************************