From: Automatic digest processor [LISTSERV@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU] Sent: Sunday, July 04, 1999 2:00 AM To: Recipients of HUMOR digests Subject: HUMOR Digest - 3 Jul 1999 to 4 Jul 1999 (#1999-20) There are 5 messages totalling 166 lines in this issue. Topics of the day: 1. PUNY Riddles 2. IRISH CREATION (aDULLt) 3. Chaos 4. Humor - Weird Business News #16 (2nd of 3) 5. The Wheelbarrow Method (mature) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 3 Jul 1999 00:00:05 -0700 From: Stan Kegel Subject: PUNY Riddles 216. What historic Egyptian beauty invented spike shoes for sporting events? 217. How was the Mississippi riverboat gambler able to fill out his royal flush? 218. What cream-colored potage did the Muslim cleric have? 219. What is the name given to the new women's fashion in gowns that is a combination of styles from the sub-continent and Indonesia? 220. Saddam (who's in-sane) continues to try to take over neighboring countries. Which attempt will be successful, and which country will it be? Movie of the Week: 17. What film tells the story of cosmonauts who fall in love and start a family on board the Russian space station? Book of the Week: 15. P. Christopher Wren’s chronicle of the appearances of a superstar on the late night talk show circuit to hype her new blockbuster new movie “10”:. T. V. Show of the Week: 3. Greg Mullevey and Dabney Coleman as happy cardiologists in Norman Lear’s: > > > > > > > > > > 216. Cleat-o-patra (By David Bunch) 217. He was Delta Queen (By Gary Hallock) 218. The Mulligatawany Soup (The mullah got tawny soup.) (By Lars Hanson) 219. Sari Sarong Number (By Stan Kegel) 220. Coup Eight (Kuwait) (By SRpunster) Movie of the Week: 17. From Mir to Maternity (By Gary Hallock) Book of the Week: 15. “Bo Guests” (By Stan Kegel) T. V. Show of the Week: 3. Merry Heart Man, Merry Heart Man (By Stan Kegel) ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 3 Jul 1999 07:08:23 -0500 From: RANEBOUX Subject: IRISH CREATION (aDULLt) Q. According to the Bible, how were the Irish created? A. Adam looked down at Eve and said, "Oh! Hair!" And Eve looked down at Adam and said, "Oh! Tool!" -- If u cannot find the pot of gold....... ~Just enjoy the Raneboux~ RAINY happy 4th :-) ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 3 Jul 1999 07:43:51 -0500 From: Les Pourciau at UMem Subject: Chaos Chaos will always overcome Order because it has a superior organization at the grassroots level. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 3 Jul 1999 08:50:29 -0500 From: "Ken Brousseau Sr." Subject: Humor - Weird Business News #16 (2nd of 3) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copied from Houston Chronicle Columnist, Jim Barlow: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Is the coast clear? The James Bond Award to a Japanese businessman who recently left Houston to take a new job in his native country. To friends and acquaintances, he supplied his new direct phone number, but warned, "The phone will only be activated when the caller says, `You have a paint job' (9 to 5) or `You have a golf game' (24 hours). I await your call." The Plain English Award to Faroudja Inc. The Silicon Valley company announced two new processors in a news release that told us: "A new YPrPb output allows the DVP3000 and DVP3000U to connect to the growing number of entry-level HDTV-ready sets in which an RGB output may not be compatible. New direct access infrared control software optimizes the models for use in theater or A/V installations employing IR-based control systems. RS232 serial computer control is also included." Our Stupid Lawyer Trick Award to the attorneys for the Galleria. In a letter castigating me for my use of the term "the Galleria area" they warned they had sued or settled with numerous companies that used the "Galleria" in their name, adding ominously that many had gone out of business. In the future, they suggested, that I -- or you -- eschew that term and instead refer to "the area around the Galleria, the neighborhood surrounding the Galleria, near the Galleria" or perhaps something like "two blocks north of the Galleria." The What About Those Who Dip and Chew Award to SmithKline Beecham Consumer Healthcare, which announces it is sponsoring the NicoDerm CQ-Nicorette Ford Reynard race car at the annual Malboro Grand Prix of Miami. From reader Mary Lamb. How do you know you've joined a cheap HMO? The only 100 percent covered expense is embalming. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 3 Jul 1999 11:48:39 -0400 From: Terry Galan Subject: The Wheelbarrow Method (mature) After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counsellor suggested they vary their position. "For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs, penetrate and off you go." The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home. "Well, OK," the hesitant wife agreed, "but on two conditions. First if it hurts, you'll stop right away and second," she insisted. "You must promise we won't go past my mother's." ========================================================================= If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all. .......Rodney Dangerfield ------------------------------ End of HUMOR Digest - 3 Jul 1999 to 4 Jul 1999 (#1999-20) *********************************************************