Digest for Saturday, May 01, 1993

There are 7 messages totalling 178 lines in this issue. 




Topics of the day:
  1. Tasteless...
  2. silly foreign things (slightly sexual-r)
  3. Mama jokes.
  4. Re: Mama jokes.
  5. Re: Mama jokes.
  6. Re: * Toilet Rules for all Ushers at Eagle Stadium *
  7. Re: Mama jokes. 


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Date:         Sat, 1 May 1993 00:36:25 +22311516
From:         Micah Brandon <brandon@WOLVERINE.CIS.FORDHAM.EDU>
Subject:      Tasteless...

        Sorta in response to Sarah M. Liberman...

  What's REALLY black and white and red all over??





  A bloody Nun.  Or is that...a Nun that's fallen down stairs??  :)


--
Micah Brandon
Fordham University - Bronx, NY
Comp Sci Senior/Sys Admin RS6000
Internet: brandon@wolverine.cis.fordham.edu
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Date:         Sat, 1 May 1993 17:54:52 BST
From:         Joe Clark <smooth@BIOCH.OX.AC.UK>
Subject:      silly foreign things (slightly sexual-r)

silly foreign things: signs and adds seen in foreign countries.

In a copenhagen airline office: we take your bags and send them in all
directions.
In a paris hotel elevator: the lift is being fixed for the next day. During
this time, we regret that you will unbearable.
A sign posted in germany's black forest: it is strictly forbidden in our
black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men
and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.
On a menu of a swiss restaurant: our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In a leipzig elevator: do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a belgrade hotel elevator: to move the cabin, push button for wishing
floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number
of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a hotel in athens: visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
In a yugoslavian hotel: the flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job
of the chambermaid.
In a rhodes tailor shop: order your summers suit. Because is big rush we
will execute customers in strict rotation.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in tokyo: when a passenger of foot
heave in sight, tootle the horn, trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he
still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
In a japanese hotel: you are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
From a japanese information booklet about using an air-conditioner: coolest
and heates: if you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
yourself.
In the lobby of a moscow hotel across from a russian orthodox monastery: you
are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous russian and soviet composers,
artists and writers are buried daily except thursday.
In a swiss mountain inn: special today no ice cream.
In a rome laundry: ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.
Outside a hong kong tailor shop: ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a budapest zoo: please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give to the guard on duty.
In the office of a roman doctor: specialist in women and other diseases.
On the menu of a polish hotel: salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup
with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef
rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion.
In a bangkok dry cleaners: drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a paris dress shop: dresses for street walking.
In a tokyo bar: special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
From the soviet weekly: there will be a moscow exhibition of arts by 150000
soviet republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past
two years.
In an advertisement by a hong kong dentist: teeth extracted by the latest
methodists.
In a zurich hotel: because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose.
In a chechoslovakian tourist agency: it is forbidden to enter a woman even a
foreigner if dressed as a man.
On the door of a moscow hotel room: if this is your first visit to the ussr,
you are welcome to it.
In a norwegian cocktail lounge: ladies are requested not to have children in
the bar.
Two signs from a majorican shop entrance: english well speaking. Here
speeching american to.
Sign outside a french cafe. Come with us and enjoy eating us.


Joe Clark
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Date:         Sat, 1 May 1993 16:18:05 EST
From:         Herman Archie <HERMAN@USCN.BITNET>
Subject:      Mama jokes.

Your mama is so tall, she did a cartwheel and kicked Jesus.

Your mama is old, she signed Moses yearbook.

Your mamas' got one leg aand she still be trippin'.
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Date:         Sat, 1 May 1993 17:25:20 -0400
From: Jennifer Pavlovich<pavlovic@GRITS.VALDOSTA.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject:      Re: Mama jokes.

your mamas' so fat she's on both sides of the family.

your mama is so dumb she thinks an elevator is a mobile home.
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Date:         Sat, 1 May 1993 18:47:37 +22311516
From:         Micah Brandon <brandon@WOLVERINE.CIS.FORDHAM.EDU>
Subject:      Re: Mama jokes.

your mama's like a screen door...the harder I bang her, the looser she gets.

your mama's like an elevator, push the right buttons and she'll go down on
  you.

your mama's so stupid, she hooked up the Nintendo to a TV dinner and had the
peas jumping over the mashed potatoes...

--
Micah Brandon
Fordham University - Bronx, NY
Comp Sci Senior/Sys Admin RS6000
Internet: brandon@wolverine.cis.fordham.edu
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Date:         Sat, 1 May 1993 20:47:52 ET
From:         Bill Waggoner <BILLW@DPC2.HDOS.HAC.COM>
Subject:      Re: * Toilet Rules for all Ushers at Eagle Stadium *

I know this isn't funny but the "rules" (which ARE funny) are very similar
to the ones invented by Isaac Asimov for one (or more) of his robot novels.
In fact, if I remember right, the case was solved (it was a sci-fi
detective novel) because of the rules.  I think the protagonist was caught
violating a rule and was found out to be an imposter.

Now I've got to go dig through my stash of IA books and find it! Damn!

FWIW,
Bill
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Date:         Sat, 1 May 1993 22:04:53 -0400
From: Karen Johnson<kjohnson@GRITS.VALDOSTA.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject:      Re: Mama jokes.

Your mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Your mama's got so much armpit hair she looks like she has buckwheat in a
headlock.

Your mama's so fat when she fell over she rocked herself to sleep trying
to get up again.

Your mama's so short she can play handball on the curb.
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