Digest for Tuesday, July 06, 1993
There are 15 messages totalling 433 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Wisdom of humor
- from my 7 year old
- course proposal for business majors (long)
- for real
- Spanky, Curly, and Herman
- Evaluations:
- Gynecologist joke - cute, mildly sexual
- From the movie "Dave"
- DISGUSTING/INCEST RATED X
- Microsoft and Jurassic park
- Reagan age humor & change in rule about mail size
- Re: reagan age humor and change of rules
- Reagan joke
- bugs on TV
- off-color Ronald Reagan joke
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 00:23:17 EST
From: Joe Mole <JOEMOLE@USCN.BITNET>
Subject: Wisdom of humor
Favorite quips about humor:
* Everything is funny as long as it happens to somebody else.
* Humor is gravity concealed behind a jest.
* A sense of humor is the only thing that keeps intelligent
people from hanging each other.
* It is not good joking with God, death, or the Devil.
* A joke breaks no bones.
* A joke is a very serious thing.
* Jokes that give pain are no jokes.
* A joke loses its punch when the teller laughs.
* Many a true word is spoken in jest.
* Joke with an ass, and he will flap you in the face with his tail.
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 08:04:00 EDT
From: Bernadette C Himaras <bch@WARM.SEMCOR.COM>
Subject: from my 7 year old
If your in Asia your an asian.
If your in America your an American.
What are you if your in the bathroom?
European (You're a peeing).
Bernadette Himaras
bch@warm.semcor.com
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 08:03:29 CST
From: Herb Rotfeld <ROTFELD@BUSINESS.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject: course proposal for business majors (long)
the following course proposal is excerpted from Marketing Educator,
Spring 1993 & Marketing News, August 3, 1992, under the title of
"WHAT SHOULD MARKETING STUDENTS LEARN?"
by Herbert Rotfeld, Associate Professor of Marketing
241 Business Building, Auburn University, Alabama 36849-5246
College should improve a student's communication skills, but
students often want social skills to supplant education and
become a major portion of course credits toward their degree. Worried
about style, not substance, they demand that their academic program
teach them how to work in groups and how to make a presentation.
To make time for this training, many students insist the
university abolish general education requirements that students
study philosophy, history or English. "After all," they say,
"you only need that stuff if you are going to be a teacher."
The marketing concept says that we should give the consumers
what they want. And maybe you agree with the students. To apply
the marketing concept to the education our consumers, the
students, think they need, the following course is proposed:
To: All interested College of Business Faculty
RE: New course for inclusion in business core requirements:
"MEETINGS & PRESENTATIONS"
Suggested as part of the business core course requirements,
this new course will teach students the nature of group work and
preparation for presentations. Using a variety of vapid case
problems, "Business Meetings & Presentations" will emphasize the
presentations, not the analysis. The nature of the cases is of
minor concern. Students' grades will be based on the style of
presentations and meetings, not on the substance of the ideas
presented.
As a prerequisite for all upper-level business courses, the
course will teach skills noted by many faculty as a major
importance in the "real world" ("reality," as such, being
generally undefined but apparently denoting all activities going
on outside the university). Other courses might include these
concerns as minor part of the grade, but this course will make it
a priority and primary area of interest of the students'
education.
Lectures will cover small group politics, construction of
slides and transparencies, use of tape recorders and videotapes,
style, fashion and wardrobe selection necessary to dress for
success. Other topics could include public speaking, audience
impact of winter tans, contemporary hair styles and proper use of
cosmetics. Jeans will be banned from class meetings; grades will
be penalized if business suits are not worn for presentations.
Jogging shoes, dogs, bicycles, gym shorts, disheveled hair,
backpacks and other articles a business manager might label as
"unprofessional" will also have a negative impact on grades.
Students would complete one group mini-project and
presentation per week, with group composition altered for each
assignment to minimize some students' potential unfair advantage
via friendships developed outside class. On one hand, the
students with the most friends will do the best work. On the
other hand, this does reward students for political ability of
being liked by everyone, a true business skill well within the
goals of this course. The instructor's evaluation of case
presentations will simply seek the minimal level of competence
that allows the audience to be swayed by the style of the
presentation. The substance only need to be good enough such
that a good presentation will mask how it is substantively vapid.
The "ability to work in groups" part grades will be based on
peer evaluations. This will include students' ability to avoid
arguments, sexual attractiveness and the quality of liquor or
drugs served when acting as host or hostess for meetings.
Students with busy schedules, unlisted phone numbers, apartments
far from campus, as well as those who do not have answering
machines or cooperative roommates, will be penalized accordingly.
Throughout the term, style (the "slickness" of
presentations) will be the focus for all grades, with points
depending on students wearing suits for presentations. The
substance and content of ideas and insight of analysis will be
irrelevant as long as above discussed minimum conceptual
abilities are attained. Some genetic factors relating to
physical attractiveness and freedom from speech impediments might
influence evaluations, but everyone knows that ugly people who
talk with a lisp can't succeed in business anyway.
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 08:24:01 CST
From: Herb Rotfeld <ROTFELD@BUSINESS.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject: for real
from my student evaluations of the course. the students are juniors
and seniors:
+"my grade was unfairly hurt by my in ability to write" (sic)
+"I was not motivated by always having my ideas challenged"
+"I would recommend this course only to a friend who likes to read"
+"you could tell it was an unfair course because the average grade
was a C"
+"I did not like being asked about the readings before the instructor
told me the answers of what parts we should know for exams."
+"I would recommend this course only to friend who likes doing
homework and writing term papers"
+"it was unfair that my grade was not as high as it might have been
if I had scored better when writing answers on test exams or typing
the writing for doing term papers. I think not that my grade might be
pulled down if the instructor has difficulty understanding what I
meant to say"
+"I did not like writing term papers"
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 08:59:02 EST
From: Peter Greenberg <AISPG@CUVMC.BITNET>
Subject: Spanky, Curly, and Herman
I'm sure Spanky and Curly made it, but does Herman Munster go to heaven?
Or does Grandpa rebuild him? Sheesh...what a depressing week for the most
memorable comedians of my childhood. C'mon, humor colleagues, how about
some
jokes to cheer us up! Curly at the Purly gates. Spanky as an angel(!)
Peter Greenberg
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 10:58:49 -0400
From: Grady Lacy <glacy@GRITS.VALDOSTA.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject: Evaluations:
Herb Rotfield's evaluation post reminds me of a comment a colleague in the
math department here at Valdosta State got on one of his evaluations a
good number of years ago. (He kept it on his office bulletin board until
he retired.)
"Dr. Xxxxxx in a fair teacher, but his testes are too hard."
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 13:43:29 -0600
From: Stephen Davies, Mount Royal College, Calgary; Ph#(403)240-6019 <SDAVIES@MTROYAL.AB.CA>
Subject: Gynecologist joke - cute, mildly sexual
Q: What do puppies and near-sighted gynecologists have in common?
A: They both have wet noses!
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 13:18:34 -0600
From: Jill Harlow <J_HARLOW@OJC.COLORADO.EDU>
Subject: From the movie "Dave"
Here is a joke from the movie "Dave":
The woman I met was part Polynesian and part American.
I guess that makes her Amnesian.
BTW, "Dave" is a very funny and cute movie. Two thumbs up!
P.S. Yes, it does get better after the first five minutes.
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 15:48:45 EDT
From: Sammie L. Foss <SLF@UGA.BITNET>
Subject: DISGUSTING/INCEST RATED X
One day a teenaged girl asked her father if she could borrow the car.
She had just gotten her drivers permit, and wanted to go out with
her friends.
Her father told her that she could borrow the car ....IF
she would suck him off.
She promptly said NO WAY! and went to her room.
She called her friends and told them that she could not
get the car.
Her friends told her that she had to get the car because
there was a BIG party that night and EVERYONE was going to be there.
It took a while but her frineds finally convinced her to do
"whatever it takes to get the car."
The girl wondered around the house for a while and finally got her
nerve up to ask her dad again.
His reply was the same. "If you suck me off you can borrow the car."
Tempted by the huge party, she told him okay.
He dropped his pants and she comminced to sucking him off.
She immediately raised her head and replied
"DADDY, THIS TASTES LIKE SHIT!"
He said that she would get used to it, and to keep on going.
she said , "No, Daddy it really tastes like SHIT! REAL SHIT!"
Then the father replied...
"OH YEAH, I FORGOT, YOUR BROTHER HAS THE CAR TONIGHT!"
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 13:39:31 PDT
From: Hazem N. Nashif <nashif@PMB.COM>
Subject: Microsoft and Jurassic park
Q: What's the difference between Microsoft and Jurassic park ?
A: One's a big theme park full of dinosaurs and the other is a Steven
Spielberg movie.
nashif@pmb.com
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 17:16:53 EDT
From: Bill Edwards <BEDWARDS@UGA.BITNET>
Subject: Reagan age humor & change in rule about mail size
After consulting with 18 of our most frequent contributors, I
have now changed rule #4 to read:
Posts should be shorter than 50 lines; HUMOR will not accept
posts longer than 100 lines (headers and signatures count in the
total).
Under the previous rule, people were allowed to post an article
as long as 250 lines. This change is designed to protect
subscribers from large volumes of unwanted mail. People who have
collected large files of humor are encouraged to post *samples*
from their files and offer to send complete files privately.
Obligatory Humor: REAGAN'S AGE
The primary goal of political humor is to defuse uncomfortable
issues that will not respond to facts and figures. In 1980 and
through the early years of his Presidency, Reagan's people were
convinced that the biggest problem he had to overcome was the
perception that he was too old to be president. And so at every
opportunity, Ronald Reagan did age jokes.
Reagan quoted Thomas Jefferson's comment that a person's
chronological age should be no barrier to his service to his
country. Then he would pause and say, "And when Tom told me that
. . ."
Speaking to the Washington Press Club, Reagan mentioned its
founding in 1919 and added, "It seems like only yesterday."
"I share with you the honor of this special occasion, the 105th
annual meeting of the great American Bar Association. It isn't
true that I attended the first meeting."
Reagan said, "Well, Andrew Jackson left the White House at the
age of seventy-five and he was still quite vigorous. I know
because he told me."
Said Reagan to a group of doctors, "We've made so many advances
in my lifetime. For example, I have lived ten years longer than my
life expectancy when I was born--a source of annoyance to a great
many people.
"Mr. President," asked Henry Trewhitt, a veteran reporter, ". .
. you already are the oldest President in history, and some of your
staff say you were tired after your most recent encounter with Mr.
Mondale. I recall that President Kennedy had to go for days on end
with very little sleep during the Cuban missile crisis. Is there
any doubt in your mind that you would be able to function in such
circumstances?"
"I want you to know that I will not make age an issue in this
campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my
opponent's youth and inexperience." After that joke, age was never
a serious issue during Reagan's Presidency.
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 22:29:03 BST
From: Mike Ellwood <MWE@IBM-B.RUTHERFORD.AC.UK>
Subject: Re: reagan age humor and change of rules
Bill's Reagan quotes put me in mind of Margaret Thatcher's "humor".
She was not renowned for her personal sense of humour, and whenever
her speech writers gave her a joke to tell, no one was ever sure whether
she even got it herself.
On one occasion, she was praising her steadfast, reliable adviser,
William Whitelaw, who kept her out of trouble by urging caution now and
again. "Every Prime Minister should have a Willy", she said.
This was received with great amusement.
However, no one is really sure, to this day, whether she told it
straight and then realised the double-entendre, intended it as a joke
all the time, or simply didn't even realise she had made a joke until
someone explained it to her off-stage!
Mike Ellwood,Abingdon, GB (mwe@ib.rl.ac.uk)
"Help Preserve Endangered Species"
O 8
/|\ /8\ O ,__o
| /_\ /|\ _-\_<,
_/ \_ _|_ _/ \_(*)/'(*)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
(thanks to Joe Sweeney for the cyclist graphic :) )
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 17:44:46 EDT
From: BETH WOODELL <woodell@UMUC.UMD.EDU>
Subject: Reagan joke
Adult sexual content, delete now if necessary
The recent post about Ronald Reagan reminded me of a joke I heard
recently (sorry if this one's already been on the list):
Ronald Reagan was chatting with Strom Thurmond one day and said, "Strom!
How do you do it? You're well into your 90's now and you're still as
great a cocksman as ever. What's your secret? Vitamins? Exercise?"
Thurmond says, "No, none of that. All I do is, get this, before I
get into bed each night I whack my johnson against the bedpost four times.
Wap! Wap! Wap! Wap! After that he's ready to party."
Reagan is amazed, naturally, but Thurmond assures him it'll work for an
old coot like him too. Reagan thanks him for the tip and makes a mental note
to try it on Nancy that night.
So, when he crawls into bed it's dark, Nancy is already in bed, probably
with her hair in curlers and mud on her face....and Ronnie goes up to the
bedpost, whips out his johnson and...wap! wap! wap! wap!
Nancy immediately wakes up and whispers in the night, "Strom! Is that you?"
Beth Woodell
University of Maryland
woodell@umuc.umd.edu
"Gasoline and cheap perfume--half the smell of American adventure."
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 17:23:57 -0500
From: Brad Pardee <bradp@UNLLIB.UNL.EDU>
Subject: bugs on TV
There was a man who was going to do a public access show on cable to talk
about lyme disease, how to avoid it, and how to protect your pets. He
realized after the first showing, though, that people were tuning in
expecting to hear somebody discuss clocks and watches. So he decided
that he would have to change the program's name, which was Tick Talk.
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Date: Tue, 6 Jul 1993 23:03:00 EST
From: Shirley D. Kennedy (813) 446-2858<KENNEDS@MAIL.FIRN.EDU>
Subject: off-color Ronald Reagan joke
Q. Why did Nancy always insist on being on top?
A. Because Ronald Reagan could only fuck up.
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