Digest for Wednesday, July 07, 1993

There are 12 messages totalling 334 lines in this issue.





Topics of the day:

Things must be bad
Bumper stickers (fwd)
A dog idiom
more bumper stickers.......
forgetting your bumper sticker
Re: Bumper stickers (fwd)
Re: A dog idiom
CORNY: Two liner
ADULT HUMR LIMERICK
Mild euphemism
oldie rated g
Stupid enough to be humorous

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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 14:13:40 EST
From:         Tommy Hughes <HUE@USCN.BITNET>
Subject:      Things must be bad

  I hear talk about our weakened economy, our huge debt, and the high
rate of unemployment.  I look for encouragement whever I can find it.
It is so depressing.  I can't find any hope.  I don't want to think
about tomorrow.  Then today I learn that three of George Bush's
children are starting a new chain of stores.  Great you think.  Hey,
they are going to advertise on Rush Limbaugh's show.  Then I found out,
those stores are going to be going-out-of-business stores.  :-)  Maybe
Senator Dole can arrange some government guaranteed loans.
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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 14:59:45 -0400
From:         Amy Ward <cecalw@GWUNIX2.GWU.EDU>
Subject:      Bumper stickers (fwd)

Making fun of New Age: "Visualize ...  Using Your Turn Signal"

Gay rights: "God Created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve"

Politics/ other-party-bashing:
  "Impeach the Clintons"
  "Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican"
  "Bill Clinton Doesn't Inhale -- He Sucks"
  "Vote Republican -- It's Easier Than Thinking"

Miscellaneous:
  "Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway"
  "No Matter Where You Go, There You Are"
  "Cats Flattened While You Watch"

  "Stamp Out Crime.  Abolish the IRS."
  "Dare to Keep the CIA Off Drugs"
  "My Other Car Is a Broom"
  "Happiness Is Your Mother-in-Law's Picture On the Back of a Milk Carton"

  "Quit Sniveling"
  "Have You Flogged Your Crew Today?"
  "Not All Men Are Fools.  Some Men Are Bachelors"
  "Husbands Are Proof That Women Have a Sense of Humor"

  "Forget the Whales.  Save the Cowboy"
  "Old Skiers Never Die.  They Just Go Downhill.
  "Disarm Rapists"
  "My Karma Just Ran Over Your Dogma"
  "Black Holes Suck"
  "This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random"

  "I Brake for Hallucinations"
  "If You Love Jesus-- Tithe -- Any Fool Can Honk"
  "I'm OK.  You're So-So."
  "Scixelsyd Etinu" (read backwards)
  "Jesus Saves ... String"

  "Your Mother's Choice Was Pro-Life"
  "My Mother Was a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips"
  "Hug Your Kids at Home and Belt Them in the Car"
  "Money Isn't Everything, but It Sure Keeps the Kids in Touch"
  "My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student"
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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 15:26:15 EST
From:         Joe Mole <JOEMOLE@USCN.BITNET>
Subject:      A dog idiom

Hair of the dog that bit you:

   It is said that someone who wakes up with a hangover can cure it
by taking a drink of the same alcohol he'd been drinking the night
before.  It is an extension of the old belief that the antidote to
a dog bite is the burnt hair of the dog that bit you.

Stonewall:

   This word, which means to refuse to talk or answer, was greatly
used during Watergate.  Originally, it was a cricket term which was
used to indicate the kind of defensive play when one team concentra-
ted on blocking the ball from their own wicket, or goal, rather than
trying to gain the offensive.

The last straw:

   The final burden, problem, or bit of bad luck which brings you to
the breaking point is often greeted with, "That's the last straw!"  Also,
"that was the straw that broke the camel's back."  This originated
in the fable of the man who claimed that his camel could be trained to
carry enormous weights if you went about it gradually, leading him
up one straw at a time until ....
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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 15:14:00 EST
From:         BABA <HARSH@CRNLGSM.BITNET>
Subject:      more bumper stickers.......

While on the subject....
..someone sent this to me a while back...

----------------------------Original message----------------------------

<forwards deleted>
                       New Bumper Stickers

There was a contest in New York Magazine inviting imaginative readers to
supply new bumper stickers.  In this country, every cause appears to be
represented with a bumper sticker.

The magazine chided the submittors for too many variations on common
formats such as "Honk if you ..." (have sinus trouble; like Ankhs;
simply adore foie gras) and "I brake for ..." (Elvis; cubic zirconia;
hallucinations).

Here are selected submissions.

Another Drag Queen for Bush
Don't Laugh, It's Stolen
Floggings will continue until morale improves
My Other Car Has a Radio
Ask Me About Satanism
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes
Overthrow the Fascist American Pigs!
              (with a happy face next to the words)
Welcome to New York, Putz
Stamp out Flamenco
Caution: I can go from zero to ballistic in 1.4 seconds
Legalize Feenamint
Perot: So He's Not Running; Let's Elect Him Anyway
Cars Longa, Vita Brevis <Latin help required?>
I Dated Wilt Chamberlin
Keep Reincarnation Safe and Legal
Millie for First Lady; Tipper for First Dog
I'd Rather Be Linpyag Nasramga <help>
Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican
You know what this is... You know what to do
Christians for Knishes
Hoover Lives
Justice Thomas is an Oxymoron
Shoot the NRA
Goyim for Jesus
Save the Iambic Pentameter
If you have a car phone and are over 18,
  call me at 555-1234;
  only $.95 per minute.
Join the Club of the Redundancy Club
Free Colonel Mustard
Honk if you want to see my finger
No Grey Poupon
Sorry, I Don't Date Outside My Species
Buy White House Cookies
Schizophrenics for Bush and Clinton
This Too Shall Pass
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
____________________

____________________
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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 16:37:31 -0400
From:         Patti Johnson <johnson@MICRONET.WCU.EDU>
Subject:      forgetting your bumper sticker

... all these bumper stickers remind me of a story a friend once told me
... happened to him.

He was following a car that had a bumper sticker that read: "Honk if you
love Jesus"  He did.  The driver of the sticker'd car gave him the finger.

Guess ya hadda be there.
                        patti
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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 16:43:00 EST
From: Shirley D. Kennedy (813) 446-2858<KENNEDS@MAIL.FIRN.EDU>
Subject:      Re: Bumper stickers (fwd)

Anti-tourist bumper stickers from FL:

If you love NY, take I-95 north

Happiness is a Canadian headed north with a Michigander under each arm

When I get old, I'm going to move up north and drive real slow

Welcome to Florida.  Now go home.

Some of us have to get to WORK

***

Best bumper sticker seen in the last year or so:

Preachers do it with Amazing Grace

***

Bumper sticker on the car of a friend, who is an industrial process
engineer:

Pneumatics suck...and blow

***

Shirl
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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 17:55:09 -0400
From:         Lee Bradley <lbradley@GRITS.VALDOSTA.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject:      Re: A dog idiom

I enjoyed the clever explanations of the origin of "hair of the dog,"
"stonewall," and "the last straw."  Does anyone known the origin of "the
whole nine yards"?

Obligatory humor, be it ever so corny:

You heard about the construction worker who fell into the cement mixer and
got a little behind in his work?
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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 16:08:01 -0600
From:         Computer Center Ext. 6839 <DION@OJC.COLORADO.EDU>
Subject:      CORNY: Two liner

Did you hear about the guy who worked at the bubble gum factory and fell in
the
bubble gum?

His boss chewed him out!
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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 17:26:26 -0600
From:         Evelyn Clement <ECLEMENT@ADMIN2.MEMST.EDU>
Subject:      ADULT HUMR LIMERICK

There was a young fellow from Ghentt
Whose tool was so long that it bent.
     To save himself trouble
     He put it in double.
And instead of coming he went!hw
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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 18:37:48 -0600
From: Les Pourciau at Memphis State<POURCIAU@MSUVX1.MEMST.EDU>
Subject:      Mild euphemism

Shortly after WWII, Edward R. Murrow was interviewing, on live radio, a
famous,
British Air Ace.  He asked this gentleman to recount one of his more dramatic
air battles during the war.  The Air Ace thought a second, and started, "One
morning around 5 a.m., my squadron was flying over southern France.  All of a
sudden, I looked out at 12 O'Clock and saw three Fokkers.  Then, at 10
O'Clock,
I saw two more Fokkers.  At three O'Clock, there were yet two more Fokkers."
At this point, Murrow broke in and said, "For the sake of our listening Audience
I think it appropriate to say that a Fokker is a German, fighter aircraft."
The British Air Ace responded, saying, "Yes, that's perfectly correct.  These
Fokkers, however, were flying Messerschmidts!"

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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 18:44:23 CST
From:         Terrie McMillan <TMCMILLA@SATURN.UARK.EDU>
Subject:      oldie rated g

Here's an oldie but a goodie (and corny, too)....

******************************************************************
****

Sam the clam and Harry the oyster were best friends on earth.  Harry
was a good oyster, so when he died he went to heaven.  Sam, on the
other hand, was somewhat devilish so he went to (well, you know).  As
the years went by, Harry grew to miss his friend more and more.
Finally, he asked St. Peter if he could please visit his old friend
just one more time.  St. Peter, knowing what a good oyster Harry was
and how sad he was, agreed on the condition that Harry be back to
heaven by 12:00 midnight.  Harry was so excited that he grabbed his
harp and ran down to earth and on to (well, you know).  When he got
there,  he discovered that Sam had a dance place.  Sam, on seeing his
old friend, invited him to sit in with the band and do a few tunes.
Harry jammed with the band and was having a high ole time when he
realized that it was 11:57 pm.  He quickly told Sam that he had to
leave and hurried back to earth and then on to heaven.  He stopped
cold in front of the gates with a look of total dispair.  St. Peter
said, "Why Harry, what's wrong?  You're not late."  Harry just looked
at him, shook his head and cried:

    I LEFT MY HARP IN SAM CLAM'S DISCO!

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Date:         Wed, 7 Jul 1993 18:44:56 CST
From:         Carol Ralston <CRALSTON@SATURN.UARK.EDU>
Subject:      Stupid enough to be humorous

    What did the potato chip say to the battery????

    I'm frito-lay if you're eveready!!!
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