Digest for Wednesday, September 01, 1993
There are 12 messages totalling 287 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- joke pg 13
- Borrowing money
- Burma Shave
- bumper sticker, testing tickle
- Partial canonical list of circumcision jokes
-
- Re: Burma Shave
- BEWARE. Male Body PART Ment
- jokes (?!)
- Partial canonical list of circumcision jokes
- Immortal Words (seen on a T-Shirt)
- as happy as a pig in
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 09:23:30 EDT
From: neville <NSARK00@UKCC.UKY.EDU>
Subject: joke pg 13
A father was walking around the neighborhood with his son when they came upon
two dogs involved in the procreative act. "Father, what are they doing?"
asked the little boy. "They're making a puppy," the father said. Later that
night junior gets out of bed and goes to his parents' room to find them in the
procreative act. "Daddy, what are you doing?" asks the son. "We're making a
baby," replied the father. The little boy's says, "Well roll her over --
I want a puppy!!!"
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 11:45:25 EST
From: Joe Mole <JOEMOLE@USCN.BITNET>
Subject: Borrowing money <Mulla tale>
BORROWING MONEY
One day Nasrudin asked a wealthy man for some money.
"What do you want it for?"
"To buy an elephant."
"If you have no money you will not be able to maintain an
elephant."
"I asked for money, not advice!"
Note about Mulla tales: The Mulla Nasrudin is a Sufi character
whose origins predates Islam in his homeland of Persia (modern
Iran). Nasrudin is an eternal sophomore. Mulla is a religious
title which implies the person is a teacher, leader, and even a
magistrate. The anecdotes which I post to HUMOR frequnetly see
the Mulla playing a simpleton, while other times he is the
teacher enduring the ignorant. These teaching-tales are not
jokes, but to those raised in the middle east or with Yiddish
humor there is something delightfully humorous in understanding
the lesson(s) of each anecdote. Mulla Nasrudin tales should be
understood as folklore. Many of the stories are ancient, most
have been modernized although there is the pretense that event
occurred in ancient times, and new Mulla Nasrudin stories are
recent inventions. Idries Shah's books (published by NY's
E.P.Dutton) are my source for most of these tales. I post these
tales in the hope that others may be stimulated to post humor
from other cultures.
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 12:39:16 -0400
From: Thomas Rowe <trowe@UWSPMAIL.UWSP.EDU>
Subject: Burma Shave
My all time favorite Burma Shave sign was
Don't leave
safety
to chance
That's why belts
are sold
with pants
Burma Shave
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 17:39:19 BST
From: Mike Ellwood <MWE@IBM-B.RUTHERFORD.AC.UK>
Subject: bumper sticker, testing tickle
-------------------------------------------
Bumper Sticker: "GIVE BLOOD - play rugby" |
-------------------------------------------
From New Scientist, 21 August 93, Feedback column:
"Feedbacks heart goes out to Singapore's former discus
and shot put champion Fok (sic) Keng Choy, not only for
the injuries he sustained in an accident two weeks ago
but also for the difficulty he must have had explaining
it next day to his boss.
According to the Malaysian New Straits Times, Choy was sitting on
the toilet, when he was bitten on the testicles by a python.
The report soes not explain how he failed to notice the python was
there in the first place."
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 11:32:00 MDT
From: Spit Bounces <TFIELD@UNMB.BITNET>
Subject: Partial canonical list of circumcision jokes
The following collection of circumcision jokes were donated anonymously
by a source who credits his proctologist brother as his source.
Why don't cowboys get circumcised?
So they have someplace to keep their chewin' tobacco while they're
singing.
What did the zipper say to the foreskin?
How does THAT grab ya!
Didja hear about the sentimental rabbi? Kept a scrapbook of his
clippings.
How about the guy who got his circumcision done at Sears. Now every time
he gets excited, his garage door opens.
Why do lawyers wear tight collars?
To keep their foreskins from creeping up over their chin.
Confucius say: "Old rabbis never die. They just can't cut it anymore."
Didja hear about the new kosher laxative? "Let my people go"
(I know it's not about circumcision, but I included it anyway)
Circumcision--the salary sucks but the tips are great.
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 13:52:00 -0400
From: Eric Schmidt <SCHMIDT@UTKLIB.LIB.UTK.EDU>
Subject:
Q: How many Girl's School Girls does it take to change a light bulb???
A: We're WOMEN, and that's NOT funny.
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 14:46:17 GMT+6
From: Neil G. Sapper <NGSAPPER@PCAD-ML.ACTX.EDU>
Subject: Re: Burma Shave
Feel your face
As you ride by
Now don't you think
It's time to try
BURMA SHAVE?
Is Burma Shave still on the market? Has anyone tried it recently? YNK
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 15:12:56 U
From: Gayle Armstrong <gaylea@AIAA.ORG>
Subject: BEWARE. Male Body PART Ment
Mail*Link( Remote BEWARE. Male Body PART Mentioned frequently
The following collection of circumcision jokes were donated anonymously
by a source who credits his proctologist brother as his source.
Why don't cowboys get circumcised?
So they have someplace to keep their chewin' tobacco while they're
singing.
What did the zipper say to the foreskin?
How does THAT grab ya!
Didja hear about the sentimental rabbi? Kept a scrapbook of his
clippings.
How about the guy who got his circumcision done at Sears. Now every time
he gets excited, his garage door opens.
Why do lawyers wear tight collars?
To keep their foreskins from creeping up over their chin.
Confucius say: "Old rabbis never die. They just can't cut it anymore."
Didja hear about the new kosher laxative? "Let my people go"
(I know it's not about circumcision, but I included it anyway)
Circumcision--the salary sucks but the tips are great.
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 15:37:00 CDT
From: THE UNICORN <S_YECK@TWU.BITNET>
Subject: jokes (?!)
Just a few jokes for today:
Q. What's Dracula?
A. A pain in the neck!!
--------
a scene taken from the movie _Heartbreakers_ (tried to do this as best as I
could):
A man in a hospital room awaits surgery for the next day. The day before, the
phone rings & here's the conversation:
"Hello?"
"Hey, Murry, congratulations. I see you made it! Came through surgery okay.
Half of the guys die on the table."
"What? It's tomorrow?"
(forgive me, Riley, if I told it wrong. I tried to do it as you said!)
--------
here's something my brother made up in relation to song artists & their songs:
Q. How long did it take Lionel Richie to tie his shoe?
A. "All night long"...
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Q. What did the peanut butter say to the jelly?
A. I'm stuck on you.
--------
I had a friend tell me the following story (kids are sooo cute):
She was at the Gainesville Zoo with her 3 girls. Next to them was a little boy
about 5 years old. They were all looking at the zebras. Well, the little boy
looked wide-eyed in wonderment as he exclaimed,"Daddy, look! That horse still
has his pajamas on!!"
---------
Hope you enjoyed these. Everybody have a great week!
--Meshel
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 16:15:41 EDT
From: Ron Chibnik <chibnik@REACH.COM>
Subject: Partial canonical list of circumcision jokes
Circumcision Jokes:
There's this moyl (sp?) who has been collecting foreskins for his
entire twenty year career. He's got a whole box of them. And he thinks
"I must be able to do SOMETHING with these things." So he goes to a
leather craftsman and asks him to make something of his collection of
foreskins. "Come back Tuesday and I'll have something for you" says
the craftsman.
The moyl can't wait. Finally tuesday comes around and he goes to see
the leather guy. "Ah! You're gonna love this!" he is told, and the
leather worker takes out a small change purse and lays it gingerly on
the counter. "That's it?!? Twenty years of foreskins and all you could
make was a change purse!!??" "Sure it's a change purse" says the
leather guy. "But you rub it and it turns into luggage!"
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 18:22:09 -0600
From: Les Pourciau at Memphis State <POURCIAU@MSUVX1.MEMST.EDU>
Subject: Immortal Words (seen on a T-Shirt)
IMMORTAL WORDS
Know Thyself
-Socrates
To Thine Ownself Be True
-Shakespeare
Never Wash Whites With Colors
-Mom
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1993 16:42:14 -0700
From: NADAV 415-666-2973 AHARONOV@ALM.ADMIN.USFCA.EDU <AHARONOV@STU.ADMIN.USFCA.EDU>
Subject: as happy as a pig in
A man sees a farmer holding a pig up to an apple tree so the pig can
eat the apples. The man says to the farmer
"Doesn't it waste a lot of time to feed the pig that way?"
The farmer says "What's time to a pig?"
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