Digest for Saturday, October 02, 1993
There are 8 messages totalling 205 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Peacekeepertoilet wont flush if seats up
- Re: NOT THE Little old lady
- bald jokes
- Death - The Sequel
- Bicycle foolishness
- The English are so nice
- Old folks and oral sex
- Racist, Crude
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Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1993 00:06:05 -0400
From: Ian Chai <spectre@UIUC.EDU>
Subject: 'Peacekeeper'toilet won't flush if seat's up
I read in UPI that America's biggest plumbing maker is marketing a
product that could save countless marriages. It's called the
``Peacekeeper'' -- a toilet that won't flush unless the seat is
down.
``We saw it as an opportunity to solve a few disputes in the
home,'' said Nancy Deptolla, spokeswoman for Kohler Co. of
Kohler, Wis.
``The women say, 'Where've you been.' Men laugh and say, 'My wife
would appreciate that,''' said Carol Erwin, media director for
Kohler.
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Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1993 00:52:10 -0700
From: Linda White <snowhite@ESKIMO.COM>
Subject: Re: NOT THE Little old lady <poem>
Another by Dorothy Parker
Sorry, I can't remember the title
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his love for you
Is infinite, undying;
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.
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Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1993 18:12:53 +0200
From: Ajay K. Vachhani <ajayvac@BGUMAIL.BGU.AC.IL>
Subject: bald jokes
God made only a few perfect heads
The rest He covered with hair !
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Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1993 12:45:39 EDT
From: Rick Savoury <ae432@FREENET.CARLETON.CA>
Subject: Death - The Sequel
The other day I was watching a soap opera (name withheld for legal
purposes) and as often happens in this type of melodrama, one of the
characters who everyone thought was dead came back from the grave.
Does anyone remember the good ole days when death was a permanent thing.
Then those crazy Egyptians decided that they wanted to be different and
started planning for a comeback tour. Then certain people in Transilvania
decided that they weren't going to tow the company line either and began
coming back from the dead.
Well, that just opened the flood gates and soon everyone started bopping
down to the the hereafter for a quick visit. The beyond was suddenly a
nice place to visit but no one wanted to stay there. Buying the farm
became a series of short term rentals. Kicking the bucket became pushing
it back and forth. Croaking developed an echo. Now I hear they're
considering turning purgatory into a vacation resort. Life will never be
the same again.
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Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1993 13:20:24 EDT
From: Bill <BEDWARDS@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>
Subject: Bicycle foolishness
This article is from a usenet newsgroup called alt.humor.best-of-usenet.
I think you will have fun reading this article.
From: Pete Hickey (pete@mudhead.uottawa.ca)
Newsgroup: rec.bicycles.misc
Title: Help needed tieing shoes
Date: Sat, 04 Sep 1993, 01:05:16
I did it again today. I fell while trying to tie my shoes
while riding my bicycle. I just can't get the hang of it!
I always fall. Here's what I've tried.
1) When I put my foot on the handlebars, the bike tends to turn,
then I fall.
2) If I put my foot on the neck, I am off balance because I
end up leaning back to far.
3) I fall over sideways if try to keep my foot on the top tube.
The problem isn't really when I put my foot someplace, but it
occurs when my foot is there and I let go of the handlebars with
both hands.
I'm sure in this wide net-world, there is someone who could
give me some helpful advice.
--
-- alt.humor.best-of-usenet --
-- Funniest postings from USENET, altnet, and the worlds beyond --
-- Moderator's address: best@polaris.async.vt.edu --
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Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1993 18:24:54 LCL
From: LEUSCHNE <LEUSCHNE@DULRUU51.BITNET>
Subject: The English are so nice
THE ENGLISH ARE SO NICE
The English are so nice
so awfully nice
they are the nicest people in the world.
And what's more, they're very nice about being nice
abour your being nice as well!
If you're not nice they soon make you feel it.
Americans and French and Germans and so on
they're all very well
but they're not really nice, you know.
They're are not nice in our sense of the word, are they now?
That's why one doesn't have to take them seriously.
We must be nice to them, of course,
of course, naturally.
But it doesn't really matter what you say to them,
they don't really understand
you can just say anything to them:
be nice, you know, just nice
but you must never take them seriously, they wouldn't understand,
just be nice you know, oh, fairly nice,
but not too nice of course, they take advantage
but nice enough, just nice enough
to let them feel they're not quite as nice as they might be.
D.H. Lawrence
Burkhard Leuschner
Paedagogische Hochschule, Schwaebisch Gmuend, Germany
Burkhard.Leuschner@extern.uni-ulm.de Leuschne@dulruu51
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Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1993 15:04:51 EST
From: Sara Rummelhart <RUMMELH@USCN.BITNET>
Subject: Old folks and oral sex <CRUDE>
I got this wonderful piece of humor from the usually staid WHIM list:
Thu, 23 Sep 1993 23:54:12 -0400
"WHIM - a discussion list for Humour Studies <WHIM@TAMVM1.BITNET>
Stephen Robinson Kutner <srkutner@PHOENIX.PRINCETON.EDU>
Marvin and Sadie are an old couple who live happily together. Then one
day, Sadie gets sick and has to go to the hospital. After months of
treatment and tests, they determine that she has something terminal.
As her time draws near, Marvin comes up to her and asks "Sadie, dearest,
I know it's almost your time to pass on. Is there ANYTHING at all I can
do for you?"
"Marvie," Sadie whispers, half-audibly, "I want you should go down on me..."
"Go do-- But Sadie! This is a public place! And besides, that's..."
"Please, Marv. It's my last request. Go down on me."
So finally he does it, and it's wonderful for Sadie. The next day, she
begins to make a miraculous recovery. Soon she is looking and feeling
better than she has in months. The hospital releases her, and as
Marvin is wheeling her to the exit, he slaps himself on the forehead.
"Oh!" he exclaims, "If only I'd known, I could have saved Mama!"
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Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1993 23:20:00 EDT
From: Val.Meyers <OFA82@MSU.EDU>
Subject: Racist, Crude
Two stolen jokes from VH-1 standup comedy programs....
1) Did you hear that Disney is building a Disneyland in Tokyo? The Japanese
aren't excited about it though, because no one is tall enough for the really
good rides.
2) My mother joined a service organization recently. It's called DAM --
Mothers Against Dyslexia.
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