Digest for Monday, November 01, 1993
There are 18 messages totalling 428 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Condoms, more condoms, homosexual ghosts
- Written on Halloween, 1993
- 3rd grade humor
- Sex Joke
- Chemist Top Ten Wanted
- pickup line... clean
- Ravioli (G)
- chemists
- Inoffensive poem G-rated
- More urinal humor
- hello!!
- Pickup lines and personals (clean)
- Comments from my paper...
- In Response to the moderator: meek inherit...
- (2) Items you may not get
- more on Hellen Keller
- beavis and butthead - gift from a friend
- Re: PICK UP LINES
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 13:01:09 +0000
From: Alun Richards <A.Richards@STE0409.WINS.ICL.CO.UK>
Subject: Condoms, more condoms, homosexual ghosts
Richard Branson, after naming his record company, film company and
airline Virgin Records, Virgin Films, and Virgin Atlantic
respectively breaks into the condom market. Finally he has a
product that is in some way associated to the name of the company.
So what does he do? Names them "Mates" condoms. What a wasted
opportunity. Perhaps he thought people would only use them on
virgins.
Jiffy Condoms
A competitor (at least in the UK) is Jiffy condoms. They ran a
campaign a couple of years back with some amazing T-shirts with
the following slogans: (There were more, but I can't remember
them).
Got a stiffy?
Wear a Jiffy.
Me no daft, me no silly,
Me wear Jiffy on my Willy.
Real men come in a Jiffy.
If she's hot and needs some succour
Wear a Jiffy so you can fuck her.
Old Halloween gag
Heard about the two homosexual ghosts?
They put the willies up each other.
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 10:21:37 -0600
From: Ian Chai <spectre@UIUC.EDU>
Subject: Written on Halloween, 1993
The juxtaposition of these two things in my e-mail box strikes me as
funny:
1. On the Malaysian Islamic Student Network, some people are warning
Muslims not to celebrate Halloween because it is a pagan festival
taken over by Christians, like Christmas and Easter.
2. On the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship list, some people are
warning Christians not to celebrate Halloween because it is a pagan
festival *not* taken over by Christians, unlike Christmas and
Easter.
Gee, I almost wish I was on some pagan mailng list to see what *they*
say 8-) Probably something like warning pagans not to celebrate
Halloween because it's a festival that trivializes Pagan beliefs!
(Which it does, IMO -- it trivializes and makes into silly fantasy
objects witches and warlocks, which have sacred meaning in the pagan
religion of Wicca.)
By the way, only the juxtaposition of these messages strikes me as
funny. I do not mean to make fun of the sincerely held beliefs of these
Muslims, Christians and Pagans.
Ian
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 17:00:38 GMT
From: Adrian Littler <littler@GATWICK.SGP.SLB.COM>
Subject: 3rd grade humor
Q) What do nuclear scientists do on holiday?
A) They go fission (fishin')
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 13:26:30 EST
From: Maurice Jester <Maurice_Jester_at_800WFF@CCMAIL.GSFC.NASA.GOV>
Subject: Sex Joke
Q. How do you make a hormone?
A. Slap her in the face and refuse to pay her!
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 14:47:23 CST
From: ROBERT P. BLAND, III <blandrp@ALPHA.HENDRIX.EDU>
Subject: Chemist Top Ten Wanted
I am interested in any good pick-up lines for chemists. I am putting
together a T-shirt for my chapter of the American Chemical Society and
I would appreciate any suggestions anyone would have.
Here are some examples of what I am looking for:
-- Is that a stirring rod in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
-- Your lab or mine?
Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!
Rob Bland
BLANDRP@ALPHA.HENDRIX.EDU
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 16:17:28 EST
From: RiffRaff <PCONNER@WVNVM.BITNET>
Subject: pickup line... clean
one of my favorites has always been Steven Wright's
"Do you live around here often?"
--Riff
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 14:18:18 MST
From: Phil Corless <APUCORLE@IDBSU.BITNET>
Subject: Ravioli (G)
Q: What do you call a ravioli that pretends to be a macaroni?
A: An impasta!
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 16:31:10 -0500
From: JOHN VOGEL <JVOGEL@NHQVAX.HQ.NASA.GOV>
Subject: chemists
Possible Pick Up Lines
"Well, I must say, you certainly show how stupid that statistic about
the human body only being worth $2.47 is ..."
"Play your cards right and You could have the next element discovered
na
med after you."
"What makes you think I'd put something in your drink?"
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 16:57:43 -0500
From: Mike Shockley <MSHOCKLE@DREW.BITNET>
Subject: Inoffensive poem G-rated
I know this is a stupid poem and you've probably heard it, but
it's stuck in my mind and I have to share it.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't!
Well, there you have it. Read it; delete it; eat it just don't repeat
it.
Mike
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 15:04:23 -0500
From: Jeff Fowler, SAI Biological Devt., Palo Alto, CA <fowler@PALRES.DNET.SANDOZ.COM>
Subject: More urinal humor
Sporty type: plays battleships and tries to sink the cigarette buts
Unsanitary type: taps tool dry against side of urinal
Well-hung type: taps tool dry against side of foot
Friendly type: looks over divider to chat while you pee
Unwelcome friendly type: turns to chat and pisses down your leg
Really unwelcome type: thinks tool is a light-sabre and engages you in
a battle of the jedi
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 17:44:44 EST
From: Catherine Ann Raymer <caraym01@MSUACAD.MOREHEAD-ST.EDU>
Subject: hello!!
Hello!! My name is Cathy Raymer, and I just signed on to this list...
I am interesting in corresponding with anyone who is a humorist and/
or cartoonist professionally. I draw cartoons from time to time
for our school newspaper here at Morehead State University.... at
the time I have a couple of pretty funny Top Ten lists that I will
forward to this list...
--Cathy
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 18:08:02 EST
From: BETH WOODELL <woodell@UMUC.UMD.EDU>
Subject: Pickup lines and personals (clean)
I know of no chemistry pickup lines. but I do remember using the following
on a guy in my histology class: "Let's rub stratifies squamous epithelia
together!" It didn't work.
Anyway, old chemists never die, they just fail to react....
My favorite personal ad may be apocryphal but was attributed to the
Village Voice:
Minimalist seeks woman.
Beth Woodell
University of Maryland
woodell@umuc.umd.edu
E-mail me privately if you wanna know what stratified squamous epithelium is.
You all have it.
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 19:11:01 EST
From: Tyler Haulenbeek <X7FV@SLUMUS.BITNET>
Subject: Comments from my paper...
Hi everyone...
This made ME laugh...
It's the comments my teacher gave me on my (BULLS&*%) paper on
Gender Bias in Film (something I believe exists, but I completely
bulls*&^%ed my paper...)...
"Thoughtful, well-organized- Much more CONTROLLED than earlier version-
Concentrate on channelling your anger and indignation in ways that
STRENGTHEN your arguments, and make them as PERSUASIVE as POSSIBLE to
skeptics..."
Made me laugh...
Oh, and why can't Helen Keller have children?
She's DEAD! (Yell this part really loud in the face of your victim...)
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 19:33:20 -0500
From: Tansin A. Darcos & Company <0005066432@MCIMAIL.COM>
Subject: In Response to the moderator: meek inherit...
From: Paul Robinson <TDARCOS@MCIMAIL.COM>
Organization: Tansin A. Darcos & Company, Silver Spring, MD USA
-----
> Obligatory humor: Seen on a restroom wall: The meek shall inherit
> the earth (if that's okay with the rest of you).
"Yeah, the meek shall inherit the earth, but most likely in 6' by 3'
plots."
- Lazarus Long in Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough for Love"
---
Note: All mail is read/responded every day. If a message is sent to this
account, and you expect a reply, if one is not received within 24 hours,
resend your message; some systems do not send mail to MCI Mail correctly.
Paul Robinson - TDARCOS@MCIMAIL.COM
Voted "Largest Polluter of the (IETF) list" by Randy Bush <randy@psg.com>
-----
The following Automatic Fortune Cookie was selected only for this message:
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the
Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an
utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life
forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
are a pretty neat idea ...
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 22:06:06 -0500
From: Tansin A. Darcos & Company <0005066432@MCIMAIL.COM>
Subject: (2) Items you may not get
From: Paul Robinson <TDARCOS@MCIMAIL.COM>
Organization: Tansin A. Darcos & Company, Silver Spring, MD USA
-----
Eric Berne wrote a book on Transactional Analysis as it relates to human
relationships. The book's title is "Sex in Human Loving." It has some
funny parts in it, including some discussion of why people act in certain
ways. His humorous translation of dirty words into nonsense is funny.
On the back of the title page it says
Copyright 1964 by City National Bank of Beverly Hills
A bank is the owner of copyright in a sex book. How different.
----
I was living in Los Angeles County and went to the store to
purchase some items including soda.
I found out that the Dr. Pepper Bottling Company of Southern
California had gone into Chapter 11 bankruptcy. But that
product was still being sold. So I looked at the can and I
laughed at the notice on the can. Some people didn't get why
I thought it was funny:
Dr. Pepper (R). Canned under the authority of
The Dr. Pepper Company, Dallas, Texas, by
Coca-Cola Bottling Company of Los Angeles, Los Angeles, CA.
---
Note: All mail is read/responded every day. If a message is sent to this
account, and you expect a reply, if one is not received within 24 hours,
resend your message; some systems do not send mail to MCI Mail correctly.
Paul Robinson - TDARCOS@MCIMAIL.COM
Voted "Largest Polluter of the (IETF) list" by Randy Bush <randy@psg.com>
-----
The following Automatic Fortune Cookie was selected only for this message:
What makes the Universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing
to compare it with.
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 22:32:22 -0500
From: JOHN VOGEL <JVOGEL@NHQVAX.HQ.NASA.GOV>
Subject: more on Hellen Keller
I worked at Gallaudet for a couple of years. (for those of you trying
to remember what's special that name, it's the National College for the Deaf).
For the students, there are several heroic figures. Hellen Keller is
certainly
one of them.
One day in the library, I found a book about her called _Hellen Keller
in Scotland_ and found the title strangely funny. One of my deaf friends
asked
me what I was amused at and I showed her the title. She gave me an odd look.
I signed to her, "How would she know where she was?" ( a lame joke I admit.)
"They could have told her anything!"
She gave me a shocked look and signed, "THEY Wouldn't Lie to Hellen
Keller!" emphatically!!
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 23:04:39 -0500
From: gwen eckman <fool@BACH.UDEL.EDU>
Subject: beavis and butthead - gift from a friend
Perhaps you've seen this, perhaps not:
Are you feeling anything yet?
Mmm hehheh, no.
________________ I don't get it. ______________
/ \ It's supposed to / / \---_
/ / \ \ \ pack an awesome buzz.| - - \
| | | / - \ _ |
/ / RRRRIBBITT. \ / / // __ \
| ___\ \| | / / \/ // // / /// / \
| / \ Maybe you're not | //\ __ |
| | \ licking right. \ /// \
/ | _ | \ // \ |
| | \ | Spppoooooottt. \ /-- // |
| | _\ /| Mmmmm smack smack smack. / (o- / \|
| __\ <_o)\o- Tastes like chicken. / __ /\ |
| | \ / .) / |
\ || \ ______===__, / __ &/ / \ |
| |__ _ \ /..... 0 (o)__) (____ *) - | |
| | (*___) /./...._\\----' / | |
| | _ | /./__--' \\_ (____ | |
| | //_______/ /./ /|\ ####\ | |
| / / UUUUUU // ____/ ) |_/
\| / // (___ /
| \ /|\ \____ |
| \_nnnnnnn--\ \ |
|_____/\___________/ \_______\
/ \ / |
/ __ | | __ |
| | | | | | | |
| | | | DC | | |
| | |Met | | | |
| ( < | | > ) |
| \ \ | | / / |
| \ \ | | / /____|
| /|||\ /|||\ |
|_______| | |
| | | /\ |
| | | | | |
| /\ | | | | |
| / | | | | | |
| | | | ( < ( <
| | | | | | | |
> ) > ) | | | |
| | | | | | | |
| | | | %| | | |
| | | |% (______)%| |
| |%(______) (______)
(______)
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Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1993 11:08:49 MDT
From: Caren Covington <clcovin0@CCMAIL.WCC.COM>
Subject: Re: PICK UP LINES
Once we (me & some girlfriends) were going to a club. This guy kept
looking at one of my friends. Finally he came over and asked her "How are you
doing?", "Fine" she replied. And to this he replied "I asked how you were
doing, not how do you look". Our group response to this way "Oh
Pleeeeeeeezzzzeeeeee!"
Caren
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