Digest for Saturday, July 02, 1994

There are 5 messages totalling 141 lines in this issue. 




Topics of the day:
  1. LIGHTBULB JOKES
  2. Humor: Playing war the modern way
  3. CLINTON JOKE
  4. Clinton jokes (crude,offensive
  5. Man in a bar 


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Date:         Sat, 2 Jul 1994 11:31:00 JST
From:         Paul Randolph <GEH01016@NIFTYSERVE.OR.JP>
Subject:      LIGHTBULB JOKES

Why does it take 5 women on PMS (premenstrual syndrome) to change a
light bulb?  It just does, that's all!  It just does!

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Two, but how
they got in there, I don't know.

Paul Randolph
Okayama, Japan
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Date:         Sat, 2 Jul 1994 04:02:27 EDT
From:         Bill <BEDWARDS@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>
Subject:      Humor: Playing war the modern way <kiddie>

Here's an article that was printed in The Whig-Standard, Kingston, Ontario,
Canada  Feb. 6th, 1993:

"From the mouth of 4-year-old: War has changed"  by Suzanne Becker Griffin

   Recently, I had the pleasure of spending a day with my four-year-old.  Big
brother was at school and Dad was off correcting human wrongs.  We started the
day with a nutritional breakfast and some educational TV.  The next step was
the outdoors and fresh air.  Everything was going according to plan.
   It was a beautiful day in mid-January and right outside our door was Snow
Mountain.  As we struggled to the top of Snow Mountain I asked Greg what the
game was going to be.
   "Let's play war, Mom." The game that all parents dread.
   Now it was mid-morning and there was nobody around, so I let my political
correctness slip and started preparing snow bombs.  Preparing a stockpile
of artillery to attack the fort at the top of the mountain brought back
memories of similar games played when I was a child.  I consoled myself
by thinking that _war_ was one of those games that had been played for many
generations in my family and we had all become peaceful adults.
   I started enjoying myself and letting a couple of snow balls fly towards
the fort.
   Greg turned and looked at me, and said, "Mom, that's not how you play _war_
-- you pass the food through to the people."
   I sat there in wonder as it took a few minutes for the significance of what
he had said to sink in.  His impression of _war_ was the efforts of the
Canadian Armed Forces helping the food get through to those in need -- not of
killing other human beings to protect our political freedom.  As a result of
conversations at the dinner with adults and an older brother, _war_ was now
soldiers saving people and not killing people.
   My heart soared: in the black-and-white world of a four-year-old, the view
of what our soldiers do was changing.
   Greg had put down the weapons and picked up bags of food.  This was a great
game to play (and the neighbors were welcome to watch).

Bill Edwards, HUMOR listowner, BEDWARDS@UGA.BITNET (uga.cc.uga.edu)
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Date:         Sat, 2 Jul 1994 08:31:59 -0400
From:         Warren Ferguson <aa159@SEORF.OHIOU.EDU>
Subject:      CLINTON JOKE <off to Hillary & feminazis>

From Roger Dietz on alt.tasteless:



Do you know why short skirts were banned at the Whitehouse?

Everyone got tired of seeing Hillary's balls.
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Date:         Sat, 2 Jul 1994 12:48:00 EDT
From:         Emile Artus <GRARTUS@ECUVM1.BITNET>
Subject:      Clinton jokes (crude,offensive

Hopefully, all the humor-impaired and those who can't understand
warnings have lost interest, so here we go with more Clinton jokes
(offensive to Bill Clinton and his fans, Arkansas, etc.):

Did you hear they changed Highway 69 in Arkansas to the Bill Clinton
Highway?  That's because it's real slick, real crooked, doesn't go
anywhere, and it's got a yellow stripe down the middle.
***********************************
Clinton went to Arkansas for a visit.  When he returned, he was asked
if he got any strange stuff while there.  "Sure did," he replied.  Did
you pay for it? he was asked.  "Why no," he answered,"Them hookers don't
charge kin."
***********************************
Clinton and Dan Quayle had a spelling contest.  Clinton lost because he
thought "harass" was two words.
***********************************
Q:  Why is Hillary against sending U.S. troops to Bosnia or Haiti?
A:  She's afraid Bill will run off to college again!
***********************************
Q:  Why did Clinton go to Russia?
A:  He was homesick.
***********************************

More later.  Also, watch for Politically Incorrect TV Shows, coming soon.

Emile
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Date:         Sat, 2 Jul 1994 23:20:15 EDT
From:         TG436@AOL.COM
Subject:      Man in a bar <risque>

A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign
that reads "$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details."
Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the
bartender what he has to do to win the prize.
"You have to do three things and its all yours," the bartender says.
"Just three things?" the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and practically
salivating at the thought of walking out of the bar $2,000 richer. "What are
the three things?"
"Well," the bartender says, "first you have to go over to that 200-pound
bouncer and knock him out. After that, I've got a mean-tempered pitbull in
the backroom who needs a tooth pulled. Then you have to go and f**k the
80-year-old hag who lives upstairs."
"No problem," the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, "Hey pal
your shoelace is untied." When the bouncer looks down at his shoes, the man
flattens him with a single, solid uppercut.
Next he heads to the back room where the pitbull  is housed. The bartender
can hear a tremendous commotion from the back room--it sounds like the
pitbull has gone crazy.
After a few minutes the man emerges from the backroom, quite bloody and cut
up and breathing heavily.
"Okay," he says, "where's the old broad that needs her tooth pulled."
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