Digest for Saturday, April 01, 1995

There are 5 messages totalling 226 lines in this issue. 




Topics of the day:
.
  1. Roullette (may be offensive to africans)
  2. Sex-and-Dating Police: Lastest Donts and Donts
  3. Classic Classifieds ( 1 of 2 )
  4. Dyslexia
  5. DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME REFORM 

.
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Date:    Sun, 2 Apr 1995 10:53:03 +0300
From:    Altar Ariel <altara@TECHUNIX.TECHNION.AC.IL>
Subject: Roullette (may be offensive to africans)

You surely know what a Russian Roullette is - a 6 place gun barrel with a
single bullet in it. The problem is that you can never know where the
bullet is when you shoot it at your head.

So...

Q: What's an African roullete?

A: That's 6 African women that give you blow jobs and one is a cannibal.


ariel

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Date:    Sun, 2 Apr 1995 03:53:22 -0400
From:    Gwen Eckman <fool@CHOPIN.UDEL.EDU>
Subject: Sex-and-Dating Police: Lastest Don'ts and Don'ts

found on alt.sex

DATING DON'TS AND DON'TS
A Handy Checklist for the Politically Correct 90s


Here, just in time for spring, is a list of things that are now against
the rules, according to the the sex-and-dating police.  Read -- and
memorize -- this information to avoid lawsuits, dismissal from work,
expulsion from school -- or worse!


LIP-LICKING, TEETH-LICKING, AND PROVOCATIVE EATING.  All these (and more)
are on a list of "unacceptable gestures and behaviors" distributed at the
University of Maryland at College Park.

STANDING TOO CLOSE.  Standing too close is one of a long list of "sexually
harassing behaviors" that Susan Strauss and Pamela Espeland caution us
"have been reported in U.S. high schools."  (Others are MAKING "VERBAL
COMMENTS ABOUT CLOTHING" and "WEARING AN OBSCENE HAT.")

ATTENDING PERFORMANCES OF "ROMEO AND JULIET."  London school official Jane
Hardman-Brown refused to take her students to see "Romeo and Juliet" on
the grounds that it was a "blatantly heterosexual love story."  (It's not
clear whether Hardman-Brown wants the play rewritten to celebrate
alternative lifestyles, or would prefer to have it banned altogether.)

EXCESSIVE EYE-CONTACT.  University of Toronto chemistry professor Richard
Hummel was recently prosecuted for "prolonged staring" at a female
student.

INSUFFICIENT EYE-CONTACT.  A handbook published at Barnard College in New
York warns male professors who fail to make sufficient eye-contact with
their female students that their conduct is "contributing to a biased
atmosphere in the classroom" which may cause women to "feel discouraged
and/or physically threatened."

RECEPTIVE NONINITIATION.  If a woman makes a pass at her male boss, and
her boss responds, he (not she) is guilty of sexual harassment, according
to Hunter College professor Sue Rosenberg Zalk.  Zalk's term for this
underpublicized offense: "receptive noninitiation."

FORGETTING A WOMAN'S NAME. A report issued by a committee at the
University of Pennsylvania lists "women's names not remembered" as a
pernicious form of sexual discrimination.

PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION.  The Minnesota Department of Education
discourages "displays of affection in hallways" on the grounds that such
displays "may offend others" and are "heterosexist."

HAMBURGERS.  Jeremy Rifkin, author of Beyond Beef, notes that "the
statistics linking  domestic violence and quarrels over beef are both
revealing and compelling."

SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOR.  And finally this, from Robin Morgan, former
editor of Ms.:  If a man's "self-deprecating humor" leads a woman to
initiate sex with him, then that man is -- in a "radical feminist" sense
of the term -- guilty of assault.


- -- Source: The Official Sexually Correct Dictionary and Dating Guide by
Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf.

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Date:    Sun, 2 Apr 1995 10:00:27 -0400
From:    Chip Depue <EDEPUE@AOL.COM>
Subject: Classic Classifieds ( 1 of 2 )

>As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more
>laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the
>cartoons and comic strips:
>
>o  Lost: small apricot poodle.  Reward.  Neutered.  Like one of the family.
>
>o  A superb and inexpensive restaurant.  Fine food expertly served by
>waitresses in appetizing forms.
>
>o  Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
>
>o  For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
>drawers .
>
>o  For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie
>chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
>
>o  Four-poster bed, 101 years old.  Perfect for antique lover.
>
>o  Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take
>home, too.
>
>o  Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
>
>o  Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
>
>o  We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it carefully by hand.
>
>o  No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it
>really repellent.
>
>o  For Sale.  Three canaries of undermined sex.
>
>o  For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
>
>o  Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh
>vagetables, salads, quiche.
>
>o  7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered
>with golden fried onion rings.
>
>o  Great Dames for sale.
>
>o  Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
>
>o  Tired of cleaning yourself?  Let me do it.
>
>o  20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges,
the
>owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
>
>o  Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
>
>o Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
>
>o  If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis
>Cemetery.  It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and
>Chopin.
>
>o  Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.  Swim in
>the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
>
>o  The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other
>athletic facilities.

------ From MunchyW ------

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


   Chip   ;)

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Date:    Sun, 2 Apr 1995 12:35:43 EDT
From:    MR LYLE J KINNAMAN <FVKM43A@PRODIGY.COM>
Subject: Dyslexia <off. to agnostics>

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic?  He spends lots of time
wondering if there really is a "dog".  Lyle's Joke Boutique.

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Date:    Sun, 2 Apr 1995 15:13:52 -0400
From:    Gwen Eckman <fool@CHOPIN.UDEL.EDU>
Subject: DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME REFORM

              IMMODEST PROPOSAL #1: DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME REFORM
                  Richard S. Holmes  RICH@suhep.phy.syr.edu

It happens every spring: crocuses, baseball (with any luck), and the switch to
Daylight Savings Time (DST).

Coming off DST is not hard.  In the Fall, we set our clocks back one hour.  We
all get an extra hour to sleep, and those who forget find themselves at church,
or the airport, or wherever an hour early.  Embarassing, but not catastrophic.

But in the Spring we set the clocks forward, and the trouble begins.  We lose
an hour of sleep.  Forgetful people miss Mass, planes, breakfast, and the big
game on TV.  Some are thrown into disarray for up to a full week.  Annual
losses due to DST confusion have been estimated (by me) at over a million
dollars.  I myself have missed a flight to Washington and a showing of The
Seven Samurai because of DST.

There is no need for such tragic waste.  We can -- we should and must -- urge
our lawmakers to reform Daylight Savings Time as follows:

Setting clocks back is easy; setting them forward is difficult.  Therefore, let
us keep the fall ritual as it is.  However, one Sunday each Spring, let us set
our clocks not one hour forward, but TWENTY-THREE HOURS BACKWARD.

Think of all the advantages.  We will not lose an hour of sleep; we will gain
(almost) a day of rest.  It will be Saturday all over again.  You will never
again miss Confession, or an airplane, or the Redskins game.

Naturally, if this were the whole plan, our calendars would fall behind one day
in each year.  However, the second part of the Revised DST Plan deals with
this.  Every four years, instead of adding a day, let us SUBTRACT THREE DAYS.
Furthermore, let these be Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, which according to
recent polls are the least popular days.

If done in February, which seems reasonable considering what a miserable month
it is, this would have the beneficial side effect of shortening the
excruciating presidential primary season by an effective four days.

The advantages of this plan are clear.  Let us waste no time.  With a
determined effort we can have Reformed Daylight Savings Time by Spring of next
year.

Write your congressperson today!

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