Digest for Sunday, September 03, 1995

There are 7 messages totalling 157 lines in this issue. 




Topics of the day:
  1. A Monday in September < possibly offends Russians>
  2. Do we still use "the" with Earth/Moon?
  3. religious misunderstanding (poss. off. to hardcore religious people)
  4. Your Momma has so many wrinkles...
  5. Win95 startup song
  6. Underpaid?
  7. Boston 


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Date:    Mon, 4 Sep 1995 08:02:04 +0100
From:    Mark Mostert <MARKMOST@L.KTH.SE>
Subject: A Monday in September < possibly offends Russians>

This Russian man decided he would like to buy a car.
He phones the Lada factory and asks, "How long do I
have to wait for a car if I place my order immediately?"
The salesman replies, "Your car will be delivered in five
years, ... let me see .... , that will be a Monday in
September."
"Will that be in the morning or the afternoon?" enquires
the man.
"When you've waited five years, what does it matter
whether the car arrives in the morning or the afternoon?!",
exclaims the salesman.
"Because the plumber is coming in the morning."

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Date:    Mon, 4 Sep 1995 08:21:38 METDST
From:    Jan Kucera <kuc@FCE.VUTBR.CZ>
Subject: Do we still use "the" with Earth/Moon?

There is a thread running on ASTRO mailing list concerning using the
definite article with certain celestial bodies. This is the (up to now)
final item in this dispute:

>>We use "the" when speaking about the Earth and the Moon in order to
>>distinguish from "earth" (dirt), and "a moon" (satellite).

>>Lenny


"Dirt" is what you find under your fingernails and toenails, and the material
coating your skin.  The substance found at the surface of the earth is "soil".

> Dick Cookman


--
Jan Kucera <kuc@fce.vutbr.cz>, Dept. of Computer Science
Faculty of Civil Engineering, Technical Univ. of Brno, Czechia    16E 49N

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Date:    Mon, 4 Sep 1995 17:51:04 JST
From:    Maurizio MORABITO <b0017@NIBH.GO.JP>
Subject: religious misunderstanding (poss. off. to hardcore religious people)

>From South-east Asia:

>
> A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him, "If
> anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be saved."
>
> The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So
> he said, "Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand came out and saved him.
>
> He said, "Thank God," and he was dropped.
>

===

bye
maurizio

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Date:    Mon, 4 Sep 1995 12:28:25 -0400
From:    Santiago Arteaga <arteaga@CS.UMD.EDU>
Subject: Your Momma has so many wrinkles...

        Your Momma has so many wrinkles that she has to put on her
        knickers by screwing them down.

        There is a new set of tasteless jokes in spanish at
        http://www.wam.umd.edu/~santiago/colecciones.html

        Santi

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Date:    Mon, 4 Sep 1995 12:40:08 -0600
From:    Kerry Vosswinkel -- User Helpline x7444 <VOSSWINKEL_K@FORTLEWIS.EDU>
Subject: Win95 startup song

>Top 10 Rolling Stones songs that would be more appropriate than
>"Start Me Up" for the Windows '95 commercial

Actually, I think they chose the correct song, just the wrong part of the
lyrics - they should be singing "You make a grown man cry" :-)

Kerry
vosswinkel_k@fortlewis.edu

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Date:    Mon, 4 Sep 1995 17:03:14 EDT
From:    MR LYLE J KINNAMAN <FVKM43A@PRODIGY.COM>
Subject: Underpaid? <off. to Catholics>

Two nuns are out for a stroll when one suddenly has an overwhelming
urge to pee.
Knocking on the door of the nearest house, she asks to use the
bathroom.  "No problem," says the lady of the house.  When the nun
comes out of the bathroom she sees a parlor full of beautiful young
women and instantly realizes she is in a house of prostitution.
Overcome with curiosity, she asks one of the girls how much money they
make.  "It ranges from $25,000 to $75,000 annually."  She walks out of
the house with an angry look on her face.  The other nun notices it and
asks what she is upset about.  She indignantly replies, "Father John
and his box of candy!"   Lyle's Joke Boutique.

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Date:    Mon, 4 Sep 1995 21:17:16 -0400
From:    Jennifer Schmidt <JenSch@AOL.COM>
Subject: Boston <off. to Boston tourists/Boston>

Few dislike tourists as much as I do.
Our city is small enough as it is, we don't need any EXTRA people.  They
crowd the subway system.  They stand in the middle of the street for no good
reason.  They walk at a snail's pace with apparently nowhere to be. They line
up around the block to get into "Cheers".  It's the BULL AND FINCH, people
(Sigh).
But I'm all for educated tourists.  And I don't mean those who come equipped
with maps and brochures.  Sure they help, but I mean those who know what's
going on in this historical little town.  For those of you, I present:

Clarified Misconceptions about Boston

1.  Young, lonely uniformed Marines roaming around Government Center are not
for sale.
2.  That propagandizing geezer outside Faneuil Hall in a wig and heels is not
the real Ben Franklin.
3.  $5.00 for coffee is not a bargain.
4.  Rats on Newbury Street are also store owners.
5.  Truth about the Bull & Finch (AKA "Cheers"):  Nobody knows your name, nor
do they care.
6.  Bronze statue of corrupt former governor (the "Purple Shamrock") is not
built to scale.
7.  Sure, it's the best clam chowder in the country, but no one ever said the
recipe actually used clams.
8.  "T" conductors will hit on you, but only the scary ones.  The young ones
are too preoccupied punching tickets.
9.  While Boston Harbor isn't yet clean enough to swim in, it's still safer
than drinking the water (mmm- tires).
10.  Top floor of the Prudential Building is built entirely of Chicken Wings.

Bonus:  High-brow universities are secretly owned and administrated by some
guy in Faneuil Hall wearing tights who claims to be Ben Franklin.

:)  Jennifer Schmidt
JenSch@aol.com

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