Digest for Saturday, March 02, 1996
There are 14 messages totalling 683 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- A little "fowl" humor
- License plate frames
- HUMOR List Traffic Report
- Q & A May be offensive to men
- The Bible
- Its Perfectly Clear
- Astroligical signs like youve never seen em 1/4
- Easter
- Inspired?
- Revised Movie Titles (Cont)
- Student humour
- In The News - Involves American politics, may also be off. to OJ,
- Off The Wire
- like a horse
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Date: Sat, 2 Mar 1996 23:32:42 -0800
From: Scott Scheucher <scheuche@EXECPC.COM>
Subject: A little "fowl" humor
A guy walks into a pet store looking to buy a talking bird. He sees
a bird in a cage & yells to the bird, "Hey, can you speak Stupid?"
And the bird replies, "Yes, can you fly Dummy?"
http://www.execpc.com/~scheuche
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Date: Sat, 2 Mar 1996 22:52:57 -0800
From: Eric M. Hermes <eherme19@MAIL.NWLINK.COM>
Subject: License plate frames
Regarding license plate frames, most of you have probably seen the
Darwin fish with legs, in spoof of the Christian Fish medallion...
A friend of mine a car that had the Christian Fish medallion
gobbling up the Darwin fish...
http://members.aol.com/EHermes650/Links.html
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Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 03:46:41 -0500
From: Jim <jimphynn@INTERRAMP.COM>
Subject: HUMOR List Traffic Report
Hi, everyone! This is Jim, with the traffic report. Once a month
I share it with the entire list. I have great news for the HUMOR
list this week, too. I was on a very tight deadline (self-imposed,
mind you) to have everything in order by the time I send this out
to you, and, I am pleased to say that, as I type these words
HUMOR's new website is fully functional and operational. The URL
is http://www.webcom.com/jimphynn/humor/humor.html
What, you may be asking yourself, is the purpose of this website?
It contains an overview of the list on the main page, plus a
hypertext version of the HUMOR GUIDE (which you can still get by
sending GET HUMOR GUIDE to LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU), lot's of
links (including the home pages of contributors. Note to all
contributors: if you have a home page and would like to be linked,
let me know...), a sampling of posts over the course of the week,
and, of course, the weekly traffic report.
I have been discussing the possibility of creating this page with
Bill Edwards since I first set up my own home page last year.
Early this week, I informed the contributors that the prototype
version of the website of its existence. To all who visited
earlier this week, you will notice MANY changes to it, style-wise,
since you last visited.
And I would like to keep the page open for suggestions. If you
feel as though something belongs on there, but is not there -- let
me know. I'll see what I can do about putting it on. I have
mentioned this to Bill, but this should come as a surprise to the
other listowners. I want to know the desires of the entire list on
this one. Would you like to see what the four of us listowners
look like? (You can already see a picture of me by following a
less-than-visible path from my home page.) But would you like to
see .gifs (no nudes, ladies. Sorry.) of me, Bill, Paul, and Larry?
As always, I'm here for you, so if you have any questions, you can
email me at jimphynn@interramp.com, visit my own home page at
http://www.webcom.com/jimphynn OR visit the HUMOR home page at
http://www.webcom.com/jimphynn/humor/humor.html
Traffic Report for HUMOR, 25 February - 2 March
(Number of articles posted each day)
4 Weeks 3 Weeks 2 Weeks 1 Week Last
Date Day Back Back Back Back Week
25 Sunday 10 7 8 11 5
26 Monday 18 10 20 19 21
27 Tuesday 17 15 19 17 23
28 Wednesday 22 18 20 18 16
29 Thursday 15 16 17 17 12
1 Friday 13 15 19 15 10
2 Saturday 7 9 8 8 10
Averages 14.6 12.9 15.9 15.0 13.9
Subscriptions 9,296 9,367 9,394 9,531 9,583
Countries 69 69 69 73 73
Contributors 714 727 728 728 737
These are based on addresses registered to our listserver. It does
not include addresses which receive HUMOR via local bulletin board,
area distribution lists, etc. These numbers include both concealed
and non-concealed subscribers.
Here is a list of all non-concealed countries receiving HUMOR. If
your country is not listed here, email me.
Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahrain, Belgium, Belize, Brazil,
Bulgaria, Canada, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Cyprus, Czech
Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, Egypt, Estonia, Fiji, Finland, France,
Germany, Great Britain, Greece, Guam, Hongkong, Hungary, Iceland,
India, Indonesia, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Korea,
Kuwait, Latvia, Lebanon, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macedonia,
Malaysia, Malta, Mexico, Mozambique, Netherlands, New Zealand,
Northern Ireland, Norway, Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, Poland,
Portugal, Romania, Russia, Saudi-Arabia, Singapore, Slovakia, South
Africa, Soviet Union, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand,
Turkey, United Arab Emirates, USA, Venezuela
The purpose of the Posters list is to protect our readers from
careless, quarrelsome, and selfish contributors. To become a
member request the instructions by sending the command GET HUMOR
GUIDE from our LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU address.
** The following are the goals of HUMOR:
To provide a daily average of 10-20 substantial examples of
humor.
To provide a diversity of humor: sources, forms, and subjects.
To provide freedom of expression for contributors and protection
of sensitivities for readers.
** The following are the brief version of HUMOR's rules:
1) Three rules protect HUMOR from complaints.
Subject line should disclose the subject of the humor.
Subject line should include warning if potentially offensive.
A contributor who violates rules may be suspended.
2) Six rules protect HUMOR members from excessive traffic.
Only substantial examples of verbal humor should be posted.
Discussion, requests, and criticisms should not be posted
One contribution per day.
No personal attacks, no apologies, and no reactions.
Articles should normally be shorter than 25 lines
(99 lines max).
Conserve bandwidth: Avoid blank lines. No ASCII art.
No signature file.
And now for my usual contribution of humor:
Subject: It's the size that counts <adult themes>
Swallowing his pride, Fred finally made an appointment with
the great foreign specialist and told him he wanted his penis
enlarged. After examining him, the doctor prescribed a bottle
of pills. "Every time you take one, say 'Wee,'" the doctor
instructed solemnly, "and you penis will actually grow."
Fred was barely out of the parking lot before he popped ten of
the pills. Unfortunately he was so excited that he lost control
of the car, and as it plunged over a cliff his squeal of terror --
"Weeeeeee" was heard loud and clear.
Not long afterwards, a couple was driving down the same road.
"Look, honey," observed the woman, "there's the hairiest telephone
pole I've ever seen."
Jim Goldman, Traffic Reporter and Webmaster
(jimphynn@interramp.com http://www.webcom.com/jimphynn)
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To leave the contributors list send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the
command SIGNOFF HUMOR-P.
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SIGNOFF HUMOR.
To subscribe send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command
SUBSCRIBE HUMOR Call-name FamilyName.
A command goes in the 1st line of the message field.
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Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 06:54:59 -0500
From: Sarah Soderlund <SarahSod@AOL.COM>
Subject: Q & A May be offensive to men
Q - What's the real reason men can't communicate?
A - It's hard to drink beer and talk at the same time.
Q - When to men insist that women are illogical?
A - When a woman doesn't agree with them.
Q - Why don't men often show thier true feelings?
A - Because they don't have any.
Q - What's the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in
her husband?
A - Say she wants to talk to him.
Q - How many husbands does it take to change a ligh bulb?
A - We'll know as soon as one gets off the courch and does it
-or- Six. One to force it with a hammer and five to go out
for more bulbs.
Q - How are a husband and a cat similar when it come to housework?
A - They're both afraid of the vacuum cleaner.
Q - What is the best way to have your husband remember your
anniversary?
A - Get married on his birthday.
Q - What do ceramic tile and men have in common?
A - If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them
for life!
Q - How are men and parking spots alike?
A - The good ones are always taken and the ones left are
handicapped.
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Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 05:35:45 -0800
From: Jack Kolb <KOLB@UCLA.EDU>
Subject: The Bible
[The bloopers found below are said to be written by actual students
and are "genuine, authentic, and unretouched." They were compiled
by Richard Lederer, and appear in the 12/31/95 edition of the
"National Review" magazine.]
It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are
retold by young scholars around the world:
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were
created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears. Lot's
wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strongman
who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson
slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians
were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on
Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was
when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to
humor thy father and mother. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt
not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the
Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the
Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with
the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others
before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live
by sweat alone."
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The
epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was
St. Matthew who was, by profession, a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only
one wife. This is called monotony.
--Thanks to Stampo
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Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 09:08:25 -0600
From: Ken Brousseau Sr. <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: It's Perfectly Clear
A women walks in to a lawyer's office seeking to divorce her
husband.The lawyer askes if she has grounds.
She says: "Oh,yes. We have a nice front yard and a beutifully
landscaped back yard,too."
Lawyer: "No, no, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?"
She: "Oh yes, a big one. Two cars fit in it easily."
The lawyer is starting to get frustrated and says: "Does your
husband beat you up?"
She: "He sure does -- he gets up before I do every morning and
fixes breakfast.
Lawyer: "Why in the world do you want to divorce him?."
She: "I think we have a serious communication problem."
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Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 10:34:50 -0400
From: Mark J. Scheller <scheller@NETCOM.COM>
Subject: Astroligical signs like you've never seen 'em
<adult themes> 1/4
Capricorn (December 22-January 20)
Class. That's what Capricorns have. Not much sensuality,
hardly ever fun to be with, but lots of class. They tend
to look taller than they really are, and, speaking of which,
Capricorn men always seem to have 10 inches, even if they
really only have 3.
Of course, most of it is facade, and deep down inside they
are really conservative, tight-assed cowards...with class.
These are the true snots of the world. But they make good
supportive wives....especially the men.
Often self-conscious, and overly concerned with what other
people think of them, Capricorns can be a real pain. They are
much more interested in appearances than any other sign. But
if you cross them, they don't get angry, they don't get even.
They just turn their internal thermostat down about 100 degrees
when they see you. Women who marry a Capricorn, and flirt, end
up with a pussy full of cocksicle.
Most horoscopes claim that Capricorns can be the most passionate
lovers in the Zodiac when they lose their inhibitions, but since
they rarely touch drugs, this almost never happens.
Famous Capricorns are Louis Pasteur, Ben Franklin, Beethoven,
Isaac Newton, Henry Miller, Rudyard Kipling, Marlene Dietrich,
Loretta Young, Mary Tyler Moore, Danny Kaye, Cary Grant, Janis
Joplin and Elvis Presley.
- - - - - - - - - -
Aquarius (January 21-February 19)
Charming, exciting, completely unpredictable and among the most
original, inventive and complex people in the zodiac, Aquarians
fuck like rabbits. The Kama Sutra was probably first used as an
elementary school coloring book for Aquarius kids.
Though they are intuitive dreamers, they also have a sharp
analytical perception. Thus, they can dream of a new sexual
position and immediately know if it is a physical possibility.
Advances in civilization, science, and new inventions are
a special interest to this sign. Most sex aids were invented
by Aquarians.
Generous to a fault, it was an Aquarius who invented the
"pity fuck." Someone having a rough time? Well, fuck 'em!
Literally! It'll cheer him up, at least. Of course, when an
Aquarius screws you, you may walk bowlegged for months.
It depends on how many positions, "toys" and hours the session
lasts.
On the dark side, an Aquarius is a free spirit who doesn't
give a shit for other people's opinions. At times they are
careless, slovenly and absent-minded. Even odoriferous. People of
this sign are the most likely to have fleas, lice, herpes and VD.
And pass them on.
Famous Aqaurians include: Vanessa Redgrave, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and
her sister Eva, Kim Novak, Paul Newman, Clark Gable, John
Barrymore, Cahrles Dickens, Thomas Edison, Lewis Carroll
and Robert Burns.
- - - - - - - - - -
Pisces (February 20-March 20)
These wishy-washy nerds are the most sexually inept of all the
signs. Pisces can't get it up, and Pisces women have pussies
that are as wet and wide as the Mississippi. They often marry
each other, which shows what nerds they really are. And of
course they deserve each other. And it keeps the world fun for
the rest of us.
The constellation under which they are born is sometimes called
the "armpit of the zodiac", and it seems to rub off. There isn't
enough Old Spice in the universe to solve this problem.
There isn't really much more to say about Pisces people. Except
that creativity is often achieved through deprivation, and as a
result, some of the most expressive artists were born Pisceans.
Some famous people born under this sign include Henrik Ibsen,
Andrew Jackson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Anais Nin, Elizabeth
Taylor, Ursula Andress, Renoir, Chopin, Handel, Rudolf Nureyev,
Jerry Lewis, David Niven, Johnny Cash, June Carter Cash (They
DO deserve each other!), Luther Burbank, Henry W. Longfellow,
Jackie Gleason, Lawrence Welk, Dinah Shore, Enrico Caruso.
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Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 10:50:06 -0700
From: Blake Gardiner <blake@DESKTOP.ORG>
Subject: Easter <may offend the religiously inclined>
Sunday School
One Sunday late in Lent a Sunday School teacher decided to ask her
class what they remembered about Easter. The first little fellow
suggested that Easter was when all the family comes to the house
and they eat a big turkey and watch football. The teacher suggested
that perhaps he was thinking of Thanksgiving, not Easter.
A pretty young girl answered, Easter was the day when as you come
down the stairs in the morning you see all the beautiful presents
under the tree. At this point, the teacher was really feeling
discouraged. But after explaining that the girl was probably
thinking about Christmas, she called on a lad with his hand
tentatively raised in the air.
Her spirits perked as the boy said that Easter is the time when
Jesus was crucified and buried. She felt she had gotten through to
at least one child until he added, "And then He comes out of the
grave and if He sees His shadow we have six more weeks of winter.
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Date: Sat, 2 Mar 1996 12:43:58 EST
From: MR LYLE J KINNAMAN <FVKM43A@PRODIGY.COM>
Subject: Inspired?
A man was walking through a cemetery on a dark night and
accidentally fell into an open grave. He made several attempts
to climb out but to no avail, gave up and sat down in a corner to
await daylight and the possibility of rescue.
About an hour later, another man suffered the same fate. Not
seeing the first man sitting in the corner, he also tried in vain
to climb out. After watching his unsuccessful attempts for a few
minutes, the first man said, "You might as well forget it. You'll
never get out of here." But, you know, he did!
--Lyle's Joke Boutique
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Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 14:14:31 -0600
From: March L. Warn <mwarn01@MAIL.COIN.MISSOURI.EDU>
Subject: Revised Movie Titles (cont)
(Shaggy) Dog Day Afternoon
Al Pacino robs a jewelry store to get money to pay for his gay
lover's sex-change operation, and finds a ring which turns him
into a large shaggy dog when the moon is full.
The (Voodoo) Doll Maker
Jane Fonds stars as a poor woman from the backwoods of Kentucy who
turns to black magic in an effort to get back the children taken
from her by the Division of Family Services.
Driving (Over) Miss Daisy
Morgan Freeman in an Oscar-winning performance as a black chauffeur
who finally gets his revenge on the old white lady who has made his
life miserable.
Elmer (Fud) Gantry
Burt Lancaster is the con-man Gantry who takes over the legitimate
ministry of that "wascally wabbit".
The Fall of the (Out) House of Usher
Young Edgar Allen Poe engages in Halloween night pranks.
A Farewell to (My) Arms
The film biography of Venus Dimilo.
The Far (Out) Pavilions
Omar Sharif, John Gielgud, Christopher Lee, Rossano Brazzi and
Amy Irving headline this epic tale of Marco Polo's travels to
Cathay and his doscovery there of hallucinogenic drugs.
My (Girl) Friend Flika
Roddy McDowall in one of his early roles stars in this sensitive
examination of the topic of beastiality.
The Garden (Salad) of the Finzi-Continis
An Italian family manages to find fresh vegetables during the
Nazi occupation.
Good Neighbor (Son of)Sam
Dorothy Privine needs a temporary husband. She finds one in her
neighbor, Jack Lemon, but Jack gets strange orders from her dog.
Guess Who's Coming to (Cook) Dinner
Spenser Tracy's daughter is getting married. Sidney Poitier
arrives to cater the reception.
Hell Bent for (Patent) Leather
Audy Murphy swishes into cow town, and becomes the prime suspect
in a series of homosexual rapes.
His Girl (Friend) Friday
The pressures of isolation finally get to Robinson Cruso.
Howard the (Lame) Duck
In this sequel, Howard, the avian visitor from another universe,
has become a member on Congress. He realizes that his re-election
plans have flown out the window when his sexual indiscretions with
an under-age chick are made public.
Kansas City (Uni)Bomber
Raquel Welch turns to mailing explosive packages to college
professors to publicize her program for Roller Derby reform.
(French) Kiss of the Spider Woman
A gay inmate in a Brazilian prison finds new ways to amuse his
cell mate.
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Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 16:47:09 EST
From: robert rushworth <101601.2341@COMPUSERVE.COM>
Subject: Student humour <lewd and offensive to some>
YOUR LIFE IN THEIR HANDS
------------------------
A small selection of intellectual wit, culled from this year's
London St Mary's Hospital medical students' rag mag:
How do you make a baby float?
One scoop ice cream, one scoop baby.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the mouth.
What's the difference between a fridge and a woman?
A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy?
An Essex girl has a higher sperm count.
What do you call a sheep tied to a post in Wales?
A leisure centre.
What's pink and takes an hour to drink?
A student grant cheque.
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Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 18:02:48 GMT
From: Ed Lambert <ed.lambert@LIFESCAN.COM>
Subject: In The News - Involves American politics,
may also be off. to OJ,
Warning cont'd: may also be offensive to women in general, draft
dodgers, people who lose their really expensive satellites in space
when the tether breaks, Liz Taylor, and cable guys...
In The News - Slightly Edited Excerpts from the LA Times
Punchlines Column
Plus one from Dennis Miller
Steve Forbes got all 12 of Delaware's delegate votes by winning the
state's winner take all primary. Coincidentally, "winner take all"
is the name of Forbes' economic plan for America.
Republican leaders are so worried about Pat Buchanan that there's
talk of drafting Dan Quayle. He must be taking the draft
seriously... he's already reenlisted in the National Guard.
Buchanan joked that Bob Dole's loss in New Hampshire was due to a
"bad hair day". I guess for Steve Forbes, it was a bad HEIR day.
Buchanan visited Mt. Rushmore and mused about all he shares with
the four presidents carved in stone there. Hummm... a self image
the size of a mountain... rocks for brains... no heart... I can
see that.
The U.S. government is upset that Ukraine is supplying airplanes to
Columbian drug runners. If we really want to stop the Columbians
dead in their tracks, why don't we just send them some of our
trains?
Space Shuttle astronauts lost a half billion dollar satellite when
its 12 mile cable broke. Great. Now the astronauts have to hang
around all day for the cable guy to show up. I could probably poke
fun at NASA, but what the heck... I'll give them some slack.
In his video taped interview, on sale for only $29.95 for those who
would like to become another victim, OJ Simpson says that Nicole
Brown Simpson would have stood by him during the trial. Yeah, she
would have - But you killed her! (Miller)
In Modesto California, air quality officials filed a lawsuit
against the Ku Klux Klan for burning a cross - a violation of air
pollution standards. Using this logic, New York officials filed a
water pollution suit against the mafia for dumping bodies in the
Hudson River.
The chairman of Pepsi is resigning as a result of an unannounced
urine test the company started giving employees. His tested
positive for Coke.
Astronomers are puzzled by a mysterious object that bursts and
sputters in space. Whatever it is, they are pretty sure it needs
to be recalled by Ford.
In Yuba City California, a court reporter is suing a judge for
sexual harassment because he gave her a zucchini. Good thing he
didn't give her celery. He could have been charged with stalking.
Liz Taylor's sitcom-cameo-a-thon was such a hit with CBS that the
network offered her a pilot. She refused, saying that it was too
soon after the construction worker.
Neil Diamond's latest project is a country album called "Tennessee
Moon". Let's see... Neil's doing country. Last week I reported that
Pat Boone was doing a heavy metal album. Are these guys trying to
put Weird Al out of business?
And finally, a Christian school in Alabama canceled a visit from
Charlton Heston because he appeared in a Bud Light beer commercial.
School officials didn't want their students to switch from "amen"
to "I love you, man".
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Date: Sat, 2 Mar 1996 15:07:30 EST
From: KEITH E SULLIVAN <DNWU64A@PRODIGY.COM>
Subject: Off The Wire
News We Just Couldn't Pass Up
Two middle-aged nurses who said they were suffering from "a
permanent lack of cash" are suspects in a series of art thefts
from churches in southern Germany.
A Malaysian locksmith was arrested after he broke into several
offices, opened one safe, then was so tired he decided to take a
nap on the spot.
Attorneys who break the rules in one Florida judge's court are
slapped with different kind of fine -- shopping for diapers,
mayonnaise or tuna fish and then donating them to charity.
A Vietnamese newspaper reported that a farmer had locked himself
in his house with a 187-pound sweet potato.
Two Port Byron, N.Y., teenagers found an unlocked ATM vault and
ran off with $55,500. But they had tried to withdraw money from
the ATM with a driver's license. The machine recorded the
license's bar code, and police were able to track the pair.
A Hackensack, NJ., man was shocked when he received a letter with a
32-cent stamp on it -- informing him he was delinquent on his
November taxes and owed the city 2 cents
A Long lsland woman's first day on the job as a live-in nanny was
her last. Police say she ignored the children, then slapped and
punched her employer in a drunken rage before kicking and biting
the police officer who arrested her.
-from "The Seattle Times"
February 3, 1996
Compiled by Ivan Weiss
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Date: Fri, 1 Mar 1996 20:40:28 -0600
From: Brian Walker <walkerb@PIONET.NET>
Subject: Like a horse <adult themes>
A man walks into this small town, rustic bar. He sits down and
orders a drink. He notices a fish bowl full of five dollar bills
behind the bar and a horse tied up in the back of the bar. He asks
the bartender what the deal is. The bartender says "put five
dollars in the fish bowl and if you can make that horse laugh, you
get all the money in the fish bowl." The guy accepts, puts a five
in the fish bowl and goes to the back of the bar. He whispers
something to the horse's ear. The horse starts laughing
uncontrollably, even rolling on the floor gasping between guffaws.
The man walks back to the bar collects his money and leaves.
Several months later the man returns to the bar. He sees the horse
is still in the back of the place and that there is now an aquarium
filled to the brim with ten dollar bills. "What gives?" he asks
the bartender.
"Well we made the bet harder, now it costs ten dollars, and you
have to make the horse cry." The man smiles in confidence. He
puts a ten dollar bill in the aquarium and walks back to the horse.
The man is only back there a few minutes and the horse starts this
horrible sobbing and wailing. It is quite a sight to see a horse
cry. The man walks back to the bar, collects his money and begins
to leave. "Wait a minute!" shouts the bartender. "You've only been
in here twice, and you've won a lot of money. I want to know how
you did it."
The man explains. "Well you see, when I had to make the horse
laugh I told him that my dick was bigger than his, and when I had
to make him cry... I showed him."
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