Digest for Monday, June 03, 1996

Topics of the day:

1. Light relief
2. Aplication to be ill

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Date:    Sun, 2 Jun 1996 10:06:04 GMT
From:    Aditya, the Hindu Skeptic <aditya@ICANECT.NET>
Subject: Light relief

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

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Date:    Sat, 1 Jun 1996 12:57:31 GMT+0200
From:    Willie <BAR1WP5@BARCSCOM.PWV.GOV.ZA>
Subject: Aplication to be ill <off. to loafers>

APLICATION TO BE ILL (Self - certified)
---------------------------------------

This form must be submitted at least 21 days prior to the date upon
which you want the illness to commence
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Name:............................................................
Department:......................................................
Salary no.:......................................................

DATE UPON YOU WHICH YOU WISH ILLNESS TO COMMENCE!:...............
<Applications to suffer from pregnancy must be accompanied by form
K.2645(a) - Consent of Husband/Lover/Boy-friend)
Have you ever applied to suffer from this illness before?:........
If so, give dates:................................................
Do you wish illness to be slight/severe/crippling/fatal?:..........
If illness is fatal do you wish to be considered permanently disable?
YES/NO
(Applicants wishing to suffer a fatal illness should indicate at the
foot of this form whether they wish the Department to be represented
at the funeral / cremation).
Do you wish to suffer the illness at home/hospital/Costa Brava/fish-
waters?............................................................
Do you wish the illness to be of a contagious nature?:.............
If so, indicate the number of people you wish to infect:...........
Have you ever been refused permission to have an illness?:.........
If so, give details:...............................................
Do you wish your wife/husband/live-in lover to be informed of your
illness if he/she contacts the Department recardng your whereabouts?
.......................................................

I, the undersigned declare that to the best of my knowledge the
answers above are true and correct.

DATE:.............................

SIGNED:...........................

Applications are reminded that all applications will be considered on
merit and more than three applications per annum will be considered
excessive and not in the best interests of theDepartment. UNDER NO
CIRCUMSTANCES will any emloyee be permittedto suffer more than one
fatal illness. Any person disregarding this warning renders him-/her-
self liable to dismissal !

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