Digest for Sunday, June 23, 1996
There are 8 messages totalling 197 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Backpacking
- Law on the March
- Above the Law?
- Military censorship? Moral leadership, maybe.
- Unlucky number?
- Changing Professions
- A clean but "dumb" Marx joke
- The Caveman Song
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Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 13:13:33 IDT
From: LEWIN JOSHUA 4844/6 669 3463 4844/6 <joshua@TIBAM.TELRAD.CO.IL>
Subject: Backpacking <offensive to Slobovians>
Three men are backpacking in the Amazon, an
Italian a Slobovian, and a Volgarian, and they
get captured by some Amazons.
The head of the tribe says to the Italian, "What
do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The Italian responds, "I will take a pizza!"
So they put a pizza on his back, and a large
Amazon whips him 10 times.
When he is finished the Italian has these huge
welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the Italian away, and say to
the Slobovian, "What do you want on your back?"
"I will take a towel!" says the Slobovian, and he
stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings,
collapses and is carried out.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazon
asks the Volgarian.
He responds, "I'll take the Slobovian..."
.:. Giz, Israel .:.
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Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 09:33:37 -0400
From: Joel Rosen <Metnorm@AOL.COM>
Subject: Law on the March
I Can Assure You
That I'll Be Completely Paid Up
In 2678 Years.
A judge sent the nation's worst deadbeat dad back to jail yesterday, saying
that he had failed to live up to his agreement to pay $642,550 in back child
support. Jeffery Nichols, 47, a onetime investment advisor in commodities and
precious metals, was arrested last summer after moving around the country for
years in an effort to dodge his child support payments. In the last two
months, Nichols earned $400 as an Avon cosmetics salesman and faithfully sent
his ex $20 each month, but the judge said she didn't consider this a serious
attempt to meet his obligations.
Source: Reuters
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It's a Tradition in West Virginia, Too
Maine's highest court threw out the gross sexual assault conviction of an
Afghan immigrant who kissed his 18-month-old son's penis as part of a
cultural tradition. The Supreme Judicial Court said the lower court should
have considered culture, lack of harm, and Mohammad Kargar's innocent state
of mind when he kissed his son.
Source: AP
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Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 10:32:17 -0400
From: gwen eckman <fool@UDEL.EDU>
Subject: Above the Law?
(sent to me by sky@udel.edu)
I just came across this excerpt from a book called "The Hazards
of Life and all That," by J. Bond. It's a summary of a rather
odd legal case, that I thought you'd get a kick out of:
"10th century Cheshire. Severe drought in the area inspires
Lady Trawst to pray to a statue of the Virgin for rain,
immediately there is a thunderstorm. The statue falls
from its niche and crushes Lady Trawst to death. The statue
is then tried for murder, sentenced to death but found to
be too heavy for hanging. Eventually the statue is tied to
a cross and left on the bank of the river Dee to drown."
Seems no one is above the law, not even the Holy Virgin.
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Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 13:56:45 EDT
From: Sudie E.Hardie <73043.3311@COMPUSERVE.COM>
Subject: Military censorship? Moral leadership, maybe.
This is a story I read in a recent Readers Digest:
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine
husband called home to tell me he would be late, again. He went on to say
that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and
they had to police to the area. I had a tizzy, arguing that many men had
nude pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new
platoon should not be penalized for something so trivial.
My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained,
"Kathy, the dirty magazine are clips from their rifles which had not been
properly cleaned."
"Oh!"
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Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 16:02:25 -0500
From: MR LYLE J KINNAMAN <FVKM43A@PRODIGY.COM>
Subject: Unlucky number? <adult themes>
A guy talked a girl into going to a motel room with him. They were
about to have sex when it occurred to him that she looked rather young.
"How old are you?" he asked. "Thirteen," she replied. "Oh, my God!"
he exclaimed, grabbed his pants, got dressed and ran out of the room.
Shaking her head sadly the girl exclaimed, "Men are so superstitious!"
Lyle's Joke Boutique. PS: Thanks to everyone who responded to my
inquiry for publishing house addresses. I bought a copy of The Writers
Market last fall and am in the process of sending query letters to
publishers.
Lyle K.
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Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 18:02:28 -0400
From: John M. Scheer <jscheer@EROLS.COM>
Subject: Changing Professions
The banker was told by his doctor to quit his job and get a less
stressful one. So, after 25 years as a banker, he found himself pumping
gas. The first morning he opened for business, a customer drove in and
asked for ten gallons of gasoline.
"Where are you going?" the former banker asked.
"To Chicago and back," was the reply.
The banker looked at the man and said sternly, "Don't you think you can
make it on five gallons?"
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Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 19:41:46 PDT--100
From: Charles Tidwell <CharlesT@MAIL.LOCALACCESS.COM>
Subject: A clean but "dumb" Marx joke
" ."
--Harpo Marx
PS, If you need this one explained, you didn't know Harpo; he was a cool cat
with the harp, but he had very limited [!!] use of his vocal cords!
Charlie from Chehalis
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Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 22:31:03 -0500
From: James Renken <renk0006@GOLD.TC.UMN.EDU>
Subject: The Caveman Song <clean>
(To the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," slightly modified.)
Oog the abnormal caveman,
Thought that humans could make light.
Of course, all of his family,
Thought that Oog was not too bright.
All of the other cavemen,
Laughed at Oog and called him names.
They never let poor Oog,
Join in any caveman games.
Then one foggy DayThatBigNastyBeastWasKilled Eve,
Oog discovered fire.
All his other caveman friends,
Thought that this was truly dire.
"How can we accomplish much,"
"With this useless stuff?", they said.
"It encourages laziness,"
"Silly Oog's brain must be dead!"
However, Oog kept working,
On new things called "darts."
Finally, the slower cavemen,
Saw that Oog had smarts.
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