Digest for Sunday, August 04, 1996
There are 6 messages totalling 199 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Politicians Underwear (possible offensive)
- Early 20s Humor [May be offensive to anti "black-face"]
- Hardware
- shepards preferences (clean)
- Useful research phrases
- Olympic Digest (fwd)
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Date: Sun, 4 Aug 1996 00:58:36 -0700
From: Eric Clark <klucko@COMPUMEDIA.COM>
Subject: Politician's Underwear (possible offensive)
Many of us have heard the story of the time in 1992 when Clinton went on Mtv
and some girl asked him "America is _dying_ to know: Is it boxers, or
briefs?" The candidate then feigned embarrassment and said "Boxers."
In 1995, some guy decided to ask Speaker Newt the same question. Newt
appropriately answered back "That was a stupid question."
This year, someone decided that America must know what citizen Dole wears.
"Is it boxers, or briefs?" With a straight face he answered back, "Depends..."
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Date: Sun, 4 Aug 1996 07:29:26 PDT--100
From: Charles Tidwell <charlest@MAIL.LOCALACCESS.COM>
Subject: Early 20's Humor [May be offensive to anti "black-face"]
This skit is as old as the hills! My Grandpa Dennis who was born in 1864
used to visit us in Northern Missouri in the 1920s and he would always bring
his prized portable, wind-up HMV Victrola [phonograph player] and some
records, always comedy. His favourite, and ours, were "The Black Crows" who
were probably a vaudville group. There was a whole skad of these records.
We told a lot of the jokes to our children, but never laid hands on any of
these old antique records. Our son Dennis, living in Vietnam, organized a
humor net there, a sister to this Humornet. He was one of the chief
contributers, and the one I am putting on here in his name was one that he
wrote. He has changed the story somewhat from the way we told it to him, and
I am sure we made unconscious changes in it to the kids. I hope none on the
net will object to the ethnic humor involved. I think this was an American
classic, just like the Negro spirituals that enrich our culture and "Amos
and Andy" who made radio great in its early days. BTW, Dennis is moving to
New Delhi this month, and I imagine he will get a sister humor net started
there; hopefully we can share things back and forth. Here it is in his
words. Of course if any remember the original, much of the rich vernacular
is missing!
- - - - --
Lion Training
Bob: "You're out of work again?! What about that job I got you training
lions?"
Joe: "Well that just didn't work out very well."
Bob: "You just didn't understand your job. Here's what you gotta do.
Early in the morning you take a big piece of meat down to the lion
cage and give it to him. Then you get inside the cage with the lion and
you take that piece of meat away from the lion, look him straight in
the eye and make him believe you aren't afraid of him."
Joe: "I just couldn't be so deceitful....No, there's gotta be a better
way. I remember the story of Daniel in the Lion's Den. Why he got in
there with those hungry lions and spent the night with them and those
lions didn't even hurt him."
Bob: "Oh, behave yourself! Those were just old circus lions!"
Joe: "No, they weren't. This was way back in B.C."
Bob: "B what??
Joe: "B.C., before circuses!"
- - - - -
Dennis Tidwell [address on request]
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Date: Sun, 4 Aug 1996 12:35:21 -0400
From: Thomas E. Foster <tfoster@EN.COM>
Subject: Hardware
This was sent to me by my ex-wife some time ago:
People underestimate the value of hardware. After all, a thumbtack is an
easy thing to take for granted. Yet Farrah Fawcett would have sold very few
posters had it not been for the lowly thumbtack.
Nails, of course, have been invaluable throughout history. For want of
nail, a horse was lost. And for want a horse, the Vietnam war was lost,
among with parts of Eastern Europe.
Rivets, too, are a sadly neglected item. You may not of realized this, bu
t
not one state in the union has a rivet Appreciation Day.
Sometimes, it's important to stop and reassess our values. A simple washe
r
can make a real difference in our life. And a good screw is something we
should never take for granted.
You've been on my mind.
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Date: Sun, 4 Aug 1996 14:42:21 PST
From: D S Paull <dljbs@JUNO.COM>
Subject: shepard's preferences (clean)
From: cristi@nada.kth.se (Cristian Bogdan)
Romania has a long sheep raising tradition, so that there are lots of
jokes with the cool and patient shepards. Here is one:
A journalist interviews a shepard. They are both looking to the sheeps
eating grass. Sunny day in the mountains.
journalist: Which sheeps are giving more milk?
shepard (as if it was obvious): Well, the white ones!
j: What about the black ones?
s (kind of accepting): Well, the black ones too...
j: Which sheeps are giving more wool?
s: Well, the white ones!
j: What about the black ones?
s: Well, the black ones too...
j: Eeerr, which sheeps are giving more meat?
s: Well, the white ones!
j: What about the black ones?
s: Well, the black ones too...
j (nervous): Come on, you are telling me that the white sheeps are
giving more milk, more wool, more everything, and than you say that the
black ones give as much as whites. What's so special with the white
sheeps?
s: Well, the white one are mine!
j: What about the black ones?
s: Well, the black ones too...
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Date: Sun, 4 Aug 1996 21:10:51 GMT
From: Aditya, the Hindu Skeptic <aditya@ICANECT.NET>
Subject: Useful research phrases
The following are a few extracts from "A Dictionary of Useful Research
Phrases." I have no idea where these originated; indeed, I am not even
sure the Dictionary exists. There are many such lists passed around among
graduate students and you may have read it before but here it is again.
"It has long been known" . . . [I didn't look up the original reference.]
"A definite trend is evident" . . . [These data are practically
meaningless.]
"Of great theoretical and practical importance" . . . [Interesting to me.]
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these
questions" . . . [An unsuccessful experiment but I still have to get it
published.]
"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" . . . [The results of
the others didn't make any sense.]
"Typical results are shown" . . . [The best results are shown.]
"These results will be shown in a subsequent report" . . . [I might get
around to this sometime if I'm pushed.]
"The most reliable results are those obtained by Jones" . . . [He was my
graduate assistant.]
"It is believed that" . . . [I think]
"It is generally believed that" . . . [A couple of other guys think so,
too.]
"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete
understanding occurs" . . . [I don't understand it.]
"Correct within an order of magnitude" . . . [Wrong]
"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigations in this
field" . . . [This is a lousy paper, but so are all the others on this
miserable topic.]
"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to
George
Frink for valuable assistance" . . . [Blotz did the work and Frink
explained
to me what it meant.]
"A careful analysis of obtainable data" . . . [Three pages of notes were
obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.]
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Date: Sun, 4 Aug 1996 22:45:00 -0700
From: Jack Kolb <KOLB@UCLA.EDU>
Subject: Olympic Digest (fwd)
[Thanks to ginger rinkevich]
The ultimate t-shirt for the Atlanta Games: "If you want to defect, I'm single."
= = = = = = =
The newest t-shirt coming out of Atlanta says: "I went to Atlanta looking
for gold and all I got was this piece of shrapnel."
= = = = = = =
This morning (7/27) CBS radio sports announced the results of
the following event: "women's coxless rowing."
= = = = = = =
Any idea when terrorist bombings will become a more than just an exhibition
sport?
= = = = = = =
Q: Why isn't Cuba entered in any of the Olympic rowing events?
A: Because any Cuban who can row already lives in Florida.
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