Digest for Monday, March 03, 1997
There are 15 messages totalling 730 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Identifying honest groups in UK society
- Polish Joke No. ??? (Off. to Poles)
- Humor: Application to date my Daughter..]
- Shaggy Dog & Knight
- Medical treatment
- More medical treatment
- Matt Groening Humor (part 1/3)
- Redneck etiquette
- 118 was barney should die
- Church Admission
- More short books
- The history of computing - part 1
- NEW-LIST news about other humor lists (humor lite post)
- Polish Jokes Part 2
- The Bull
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 17:15:26 -0800
From: Mike Robertshaw <mrobert@OLIV1.OLI.HK>
Subject: <HUMOUR> Identifying honest groups in UK society
This story appeared in the Electronic Telegraph
A TV station decided to test the honesty of 4 groups in the UK.
=20
"Posing as a bogus furniture company called "Honestly", they sent out
100 cheques for =A310.99 to random members of the public, clergymen, =
car
dealers and politicians. An accompanying letter explained that the
addresses of all their clients had been lost in a robbery and they we=
re
sending refunds to customers whose names had been supplied by a credi=
t
company."
The results were:
* all but 3 of the cheques sent to the 'public' group were returned;
* 13 of the cheques to 'used car salesmen' were cashed;
* 11 of the 25 to 'vicars and priests' were cashed; and
* 7 of the politicians cashed their cheques and one even wrote a lett=
er
of thanks on House of Commons headed paper!
Mike R
--=20
Mike Robertshaw @:-) MROBERT@OLIV1.OLI.HK
Tel.: (852) 27686802=09Fax: (852) 27891170
Open Learning Institute of Hong Kong, 30 Good Shepherd St, Kowloon, H=
ong
Kong
------------------------------
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 13:50:21 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@IAFRICA.COM>
Subject: Polish Joke No. ??? (Off. to Poles)
This was posted on another list:
Two guys are in a bar, a small one and a big one. The small one says to
the big one: "Hey, wanna hear a dumb Polish joke?"
"Sure," says the big, strong guy, "but I'll have you know I'm Polish.
And so are they." The big motions toward two even bigger guys, who come
over to the table. "They are my brothers."
One of the two brothers motions toward a bunch of other big Polish
people who come over and introduce themselves as the cousins of the
brothers of the big Polish guy.
In the end there, are about 20 HUGE Polish guys on the other side
of the bar.
"So, so you STILL wanna tell that joke?" asks the big Polish guy.
"No," replies the small guy.
"Why not?" asks the big polish guy, "scared?"
"Nope," replies the small guy, "I just don't feel like explaining it
20 times."
------------------------------
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 07:40:27 EST
From: JOHN STONE <JSTONE@LETTERKENN-EMH1.ARMY.MIL>
Subject: Humor: Application to date my Daughter..]
APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
Full Name (first, middle, last) ________________________________
Date of Birth ___/___/___
Height_____ Weight______ IQ______ GPA_______
Social Security #____-____-____ Driver's License #_________________
Boy Scout Rank______________________________________________
Home Address (city, state, zip)__________________________________
_______________________________________________apt. # _______
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent in the home?(y/n)_____
If no, please explain:____________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Do you own a van?(y/n)____ Truck w/oversized tires?(y/n) _____
Waterbed?(y/n)____
Do you have an earring, nose ring, nipple ring, belly button ring,
tattoo?(circle all that apply)
In 50 words or less...what does the word "LATE" mean to
you?__________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________
In at least 25 words...What do the words, " Don't touch my daughter mean to
you" ?_______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________
In at least 25 words...What does the word "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
Feel free to use back of page or attach additional sheets for above
questions.
Church you attend:____________________How often?_________________
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest or
other religious education provider?___________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
Answer the following freely and completely honestly. All Answers are
Confidential (that means I will not tell anyone --ever--really! I promise! )
I. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded
is____________________.
2. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my____________.
3. A woman's place is_______________________________.
4. The "one" thing I hope this application doesn't ask me about
is____________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
____________.
5. When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is_____________.*
*Note...if the answer to this question begins with T or A Discontinue at
this point and leave the premises! Keeping your head low and running in a
serpentine fashion is advised.
6. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
I swear that all information supplied above is true and correct to the best
of my knowledge, under penalty of death, a severe beating, dismemberment,
torture, crucifixion, electrocution, or a kiss by Hilary Clinton. Any
penalty will be decided at the whim of the father.
Signature ________________________________
Note: This application will be considered incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, copy of birth certificate, job
history, lineage, and a current medical report from your doctor.
Please allow four (4) to six (6) years for processing. You will be
contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not call or write as this
will only delay the procedure and possibly cause you undue anxiety, if not
a visit from the terminator. If your application is rejected, you will be
notified in person by two well dressed gentlemen with violin cases. Do not
turn your back on them.
Thank you for your interest!
---------and by the way...Have a NICE DAY!-------------
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 07:48:31 -0500
From: Mark Morris <Whrek@AOL.COM>
Subject: Shaggy Dog & Knight
Once there was a man who aspired to be one of King Arthur's gallant Knights
of the Round table. He had all the qualifications, he was good with a sword,
he was brave and true, and he was very chivalrous. His only problem was he
was only 4 feet tall.
He finally journeyed to King Arthur's Camelot to gain an audience with the
King. When he appeared before the court, he became the object of great
derision due to his stature. All the other knights made fun of him and
heckled him mercilessly. Naturally, he thought he had no chance to be a
knight and, choking back tears, he determined to see King Arthur nonetheless.
When he met with the King, Arthur also chuckled a bit when presented with
this small man who would be a knight. But Arthur was a man with keen insights
towards men and after talking with him for a while, welcomed him into
Knighthood.
His first edict was to have a special suit of armor constructed for him, as
well as down-sized weapons. Then came the task of finding a suitable mount
for the new knight. None of the horses in the kingdom would do, as he could
not reach to properly hold all his accoutrements. Finall, they found a large,
shaggy dog that was the right size for him. Reluctantly, he outfitted the dog
and sallied forth out of Camelot to save Damsels in Distress, to Slay
Dragons, and all that other knightly stuff.
One night, the weather was the worst- it was raining, sleeting,
hailing,snowing, and it was foggy. He spotted an Inn's light in the distance,
so with visions of a dry bed, he approached the Inn. He knocked loudly on the
bottom half of the Inn's split door. The Innkeeper opened the top half of the
door, saw no one, then closed it again. The knight repeated his knock, and
this time the innkeeper noticed him down there.
"What do you want?" said the innkeeper.
"I desire lodging for myself and my trusty steed" said the knight.
The innkeeper looked out at the rain,sleet,hail,snow, and fog, and then
looked at the knight,looked at the dog, who was really bedraggled and said,
"That's not a dog fit for a knight to be out in"
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 19:07:27 +0400
From: Sampath Samarasinghe <rmsamar@EMIRATES.NET.AE>
Subject: Medical treatment <adult>
A guy goes to see his doctor about groin pain. The doc says, "I'm real
sorry, but we're going to have to cut off your dick." The guy wants a second
opinion, so he goes to another doctor who says the same thing. He goes to
another 2 doctors before he finally winds up with a chinese herbal doctore.
The doc tells him, "You don't need to cut off dick. You only have to drink
special tea." The guy's real happy and instantly accepts the treatment. "Are
you sure this will cure me?" he asks.
"Very sure, now dick just fall off."
------------------------------
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 19:08:22 +0400
From: Sampath Samarasinghe <rmsamar@EMIRATES.NET.AE>
Subject: More medical treatment <adult>
Rastus' wife went into the hospital for an operation on her rectum. One of
Rastus' friends ask him where she is and he tells him, "She's gonna get an
ass operation." Rastus' kid, Joey, later tells his dad not to call it her
ass, call it her behind, or her rectum, or some scientific.
A few days later Rastus holds a party. Another friend asks him where his
wife is. Above the noise of the room Rastus shouts, "Hey Joey, what's your
mamma's ass called?"
------------------------------
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 18:38:03 +0200
From: Brian Myers <bmyers@IAFRICA.COM>
Subject: Matt Groening Humor (part 1/3)
WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE by Matt Groening
RELATIONSHIPS: First of all, a man does not call a relationship -- he
refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were doing it on a semi-regular
basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out
to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots".
Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting
go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he
will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and
I'll never
forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to
know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate
You / I Love You" drunken phone call, and 99% if all men have made at least
once. There are community colleges that
offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely
prove effective.
SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of
foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can
function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards
and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school
romances rarely work out.
MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's
magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female
body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and
should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a
naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.
HANDWRITING: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They
just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot
their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in
their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman.
Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
COMEDY: Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching
television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the
men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to
imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite Stooge. The women will roll
their eyes and groan and wait it out.
BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The
average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would
not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to
the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in
his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He
buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout
counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly
Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the
10-items-or-less lane.
SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then
slip on Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag
from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes.
Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the
desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
LEG WARMERS: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog
or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any
time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for
the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."
=================================================
Brian Myers, Cape Town RSA... but really a closet American :-)
If you love life and crave experience, why not share those of others who
would share them with you! To quote the proverbial bathroom wall:
"For a great time call:" _majordomo@story.nerdnosh.org_ In the subject
and body, type "subscribe nerdnosh" You'll love it!
------------------------------
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 12:04:03 -0500
From: Gwendolyn E Eckman <geckman@POLARIS.UMUC.EDU>
Subject: Redneck etiquette
Redneck Etiquette PERSONAL
HYGIENE----------------
Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down
item.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger
foods.
Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette
lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal
and save hours. It's a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy
when using this method.
DINING OUT----------
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour
slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine. If drinking
directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering
the label.
Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their
mobile home costs just as much as yours.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME-------------------------
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
manners are.
Be considerate of your guests. Point out in advance where the
injury-threatening springs are located on the sofa.
If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to
leave them alone for a few minutes.
DATING (Outside the Family)---------------------------
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
No matter how broke you are, never take your date flowers that were
stolen from a cemetery.
Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to
go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall
two years ago."
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
say 10:00. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer,
it's the boy's responsibility to get her to school on time.
If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water
tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in
frustration.
Even if you can't get a date, avoid kidnapping. It's bad for your
reputation.
THEATER ETIQUETTE-----------------
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS--------
Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom.
When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you cut.
A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but
also a proven fly deterrent.
For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance. Though
uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE-----------------
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is
loaded and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
ask her to bring back beer.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS----------------------
Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's
considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets,
especially if other people are around.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.
NOTE: While the original source for this message is unknown, a lot of
redneck stuff comes directly or indirectly from Jeff Foxworthy.
------------------------------
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 15:22:02 -0500
From: Russamer <russamer@NAUTICOM.NET>
Subject: 118 was barney should die <offensive to barney lovers>
-- [ From: Russamer * EMC.Ver #2.5.02 ] --
>118 ways Barney should die
> part 1/4
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
>
>1. Nitroglycerin suppository
>
>2. Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
>
>3. Paper cuts from hate mail
>
>4. Wine press
>
>5. Random act of terrorism
>
>6. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane,
>acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
>
>7. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
>
>8. Exploding gas barbeque
>
>9. Date with Lorena Bobbit / Tonya Harding
>
>10. Rusty meat hook
>
>11. Pulp digester / Saw mill
>
>12. Sexually transmitted disease
>
>13. Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
>
>14. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
>
>15. Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!".
>
>16. Exploding school bus
>
>17. Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and
>happiness to all of the carnivores.
>
>18. Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
>
>19. Sacrifice to a tribal god
>
>20. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
>
>21. Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
>
>22. Asphixiation on a twinkie
>
>23. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck
>
>24. 1000 RPM merry-go-round
>
>25. Building sandcastles in a quicksand box
>
>26. Dragged behind a schoolbus on a gravel road
>
>27. Tail caught in elevator doors
>
>28. Legalization of purple slavery
>
>29. Home lobotomy kit
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 17:57:26 EST
From: Elvis Was Here <bjsmith@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Church Admission <adult>
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young
newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to
abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations!
Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able
to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had
to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you
able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the
young man replied.
"What Happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took
advantage of her right there."
"You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our
church," stated the pastor.
"That's OK," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Safeway anymore
either."
------------------------------
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 18:06:05 -0600
From: Les Pourciau at UMem <POURCIAU@MSUVX1.MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: More short books
Some of the shortest books ever written:
"Banjo Sonatas"
"Waterskiing the Bermuda Triangle"
"Vice Presidents With Really Good Ideas"
"Moustache Mania"
"The Joys of Root Canaling"
"Great Blonde Thinkers Through the Ages"
------------------------------
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Date: Tue, 4 Mar 1997 09:09:42 -0800
From: Mike Robertshaw <mrobert@OLIV1.OLI.HK>
Subject: <HUMOUR> The history of computing - part 1
No idea of where this came from so apologies to the author. It's long so
I'll send it in chunks.
-------------------------
In the early 1980s most major computer manufacturers agreed to stop
forcing people to learn a bunch of different operating systems, and
instead adopted a single, uniform, standardized operating system so
absurdly non-intuitive that nobody could learn it. This system was
called MS-DOS.
The MS, of course, stood for Microsoft, the company that was started by
the brilliant software genius Bill Gates. Gates is a very rich man today
-- Forbes magazine estimates that he's worth more than the entire O.J.
Simpson defense team combined -- and do you want to know why? The
answer is one word: versions.
To understand what I mean by versions, let's consider an analogy
involving cars. Suppose you've purchased a new car, and you notice
that, although it does move, it goes very slowly, is extremely hard to
steer, and makes a loud scraping sound. You study this problem for a
while, and you conclude that the most likely cause is that the car does
not have any front wheels. So you mention this to the salesperson, and
he tells you that you have Version 1.0 of the car, but that Version 1.1
will be out shortly, and it will feature wheels in front as well as
back. So when Version 1.1 comes out, you upgrade, which means you pay
money. But you're happy, because now you have a car with a complete set
of wheels, and you're totally satisfied with it from the moment that
you pull out of the dealer's lot to the moment, about 90 seconds later,
when you drive into a public fountain. This is when you find out that
brakes are not scheduled to appear until Version 1.3.
This is very much the way MS-DOS worked. The original version, 1.0, did
virtually nothing except cause the computer screen to say:
A:
That was it. Really. Ask anybody who used MS-DOS computers back then.
You'd turn them on, and there'd be this A: staring back at you. What
did it mean? Why A:? Why not some other letter, or even an actual
word? And what was the little pointy thing for? We will never know
the answer.It's one of the many mysteries of MS-DOS.
So, anyway, people would turn on their computers, and stare at the A:
for awhile, scratching their heads, and then finally they'd try typing
something after the A: , perhaps something like:
A: HELLO
But here was the crucial thing about MS-DOS Version 1.0: No matter
what you typed in, it would respond as follows:
BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME
Then, with no further explanation, it would go back to:
A:
There were rumors -- never verified -- that if you typed in certain
secret code words, you could get some response other than A: or BAD
COMMAND OR FILE NAME, but if there were such code words, only Bill Gates
ever knew what they were. So mainly what this version of the MS-DOS was
used for -- millions of person- hours were spent on this -- was trying
to get it to do something, anything. If you were to travel back in time
and look at the average person's computer screen during that era, you'd
see what looked like a conversation between the computer user and an
unusually hostile employee of the Department of Motor Vehicles:
A: HELLO
BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME
A: HELP
BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME
A: DO SOMETHING!
BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME
A: RUN A PROGRAM, DAMMIT!
BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME
A: **** YOU
BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME, ***HOLE
This was pretty much all people did with MS-DOS Version 1.0. So you
can imagine how excited everybody was when Microsoft came out with
Version 1.1, which had a whole new capability. In addition to doing
this:
A:
It would sometimes also do this:
C:
A new letter! This was very, very exciting news for those of us in the
computer geek world. We all immediately upgraded to Version 1.1. Of
course, no matter what we typed, it still answered BAD COMMAND OR FILE
NAME. But we felt renewed hope.
Mike R :)
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 23:52:02 EST
From: Bill Edwards <EDWARDS_BILL@COLSTATE.EDU>
Subject: NEW-LIST news about other humor lists (humor lite post)
HUMOR lives on with 10,000 plus members. I thought you might like to
know about two other lists devoted to humor, DWORD & GEEK-L. The
Distorted Word list lives on (but at a new address) and GEEK-L needs
a new home. What is the Internet coming to if geeks can't find a
place to share their funny stories. Please, somebody find them a new
home or else they might move to HUMOR and start telling their geek
jokes here :-).
DWORD on Majordomo@md.esosoft.com
DWORD, short for Distorted WORD is a list devoted to words that
playfully twist a current English word around to give it a new
meaning or create a new, never before seen word, to describe an
everyday observation and/or experience. DWORDs tend to describe
things is a humorous way. The material for the list comes from
the subscribers, so those that may want to flex their creative
muscles are welcome to do so. All DWORDs are archived in monthly
files and are available for subscribers to the list only.
To subscribe to the instant mailing version, send the command:
subscribe dword
in the body of E-mail to the address: Majordomo@md.esosoft.com
To subscribe to the WEEKLY digest version, send the command:
subscribe dword-digest
in the body of E-mail to the address: Majordomo@md.esosoft.com
Owner: Rex dword-owner@juno.com
-----------------------------
GEEKS-L at majordomo@shorty.com is currently down. I'm looking
for a new site to host the list at.
--
Robbie Honerkamp
robbie@shorty.com http://www.shorty.com/~robbie/
"I'm not signing this, you idiot.."
-L. de Braal at 14 Jan EFGA meeting.
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Date: Tue, 4 Mar 1997 10:27:35 -0500
From: Chalapathi Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: Polish Jokes Part 2<clean,offensive to the Polish>
A Polish guy wins a brand new sports car in a contest. He drives around all
the time waving at the rednecks. One day the rednecks stop him, they draw a
circle in the dirt and say "If you step out of that circle, we will kick
your ass." They pick up hammers and start busting up his new car. They look
back and he is smiling. They hit the car some more, and he is laughing.
They walk over to him and ask "Why are you laughing, we just busted up your
car." He says "I know, but I stepped out of the circle 9 times."
An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he
decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be
working. He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping
out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. The Polish guy
steps
out and stands in front of the car.
The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which the Polish guy responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not
working....Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."
chalapathi :)
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Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 19:00:00 -0600
From: Randall Woodman <randall.woodman@LUNATIC.COM>
Subject: The Bull <adult>
An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial
city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house.
When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained.
"Sir, these are the cojones," the waiter replied.
"The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist.
"They are testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained
the waiter.
The tourist gulped but tasted the dish anyway, and found it delicious.
Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he
finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter: "Today's
cojones are much smaller than the ones I had yesterday."
"True, sir," said the waiter, "you see the bull, he does not always lose."
-=} Randall {=- randall.woodman@lunatic.com
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