Digest for Monday, June 02, 1997
There are 5 messages totalling 130 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Women
- Children, Part 3
- My first time Ever
- The Dentist (Adult)
- On Marriage
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Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 05:16:45 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: Women <adult humor>
* One day the Mexican maid announced to the Yuppette that she was
quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I am in the family way."
The Yuppette was both surprised and shocked and asked who it was.
The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
This time, the Yuppette was horrified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," the maid explained, " I go to the library to clean it and
you husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to
clean and you son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way
and I quit."
- - - - -
* When the surgeon came to see his young patient on the day after her
operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be
before she could resume her sex life.
"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it." replied the stunned surgeon.
"You're the first one to ever ask that after a tonsillectomy."
- - - - -
* The Bride smiled sweetly at the Maid of Honor when they both overheard
the Groom say to the Best Man, "Look, I'm positive she's a virgin. In
fact, if you care to bet, I'll give you 20 to 1 odds."
When they were alone though, the Bride shouted, "How could you do such
a thing ? We're only just married & already you're throwing money away."
- - - - -
* Back in frontier days, not a lot was known about birth control. This
one doctor though had what he considered a fairly foolproof method. He
would tell the women to put their feet in a ten gallon crock and leave
them there while they slept.
To his surprise though, one woman with 10 children became pregnant. He
asked her if she hadn't followed his instructions.
"Well, sort of." she replied. "We didn't have no 10 gallon crock, so
I used 2 five gallon ones.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Enjoy jokes ? Visit me @
http://www.corpcomm.net/~llittle/jimmy.html
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Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 13:30:17 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@IAFRICA.COM>
Subject: Children, Part 3 <clean>
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and
to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it
STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that
children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not
upset the children.
THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit
into one bed.
TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and he/she begins
to make those familiar grunting noises.
VERBAL: able to whine in words.
WEAKER SEX: the kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.
WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
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Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 14:58:04 EDT
From: Brad DAVIS <davisbe@JUNO.COM>
Subject: My first time Ever<may be slightly offensive>
My First Time Ever
The sky was dark, the moon was high
All alone just her and I,
Her hair so soft, her eyes so brown,
I know just what she wanted to do,
Her skin so soft, her legs so fine,
I ran my fingers down her spine,
I didn't know how but I tried my best,
I started by placing my hands on her breast,
I remember my fear, my fast beating heart,
But slowly she spread her legs apart,
And when I did it, I felt no shame,
All at once white stuff came,
At last I finished, Its all over know,
My first time ever...
Milking a cow.
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Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 22:16:57 -0400
From: David Burns <HumorBurns@AOL.COM>
Subject: The Dentist (Adult)
A guy and a girl met at a bar ... They're getting along so
well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and washes
his hands
... He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. So
the girl looks at him and says: "You must be a dentist!" The guy all
surprised says "Yes .. how did you figure that out?" The girl says:
"Easy...You keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another. They make love.
After they were done, the girl says: "You must be a GREAT dentist!"
The guy was very very surprised, he says: 'Yes, I sure am a great
dentist; how did you figure that out??'
The girl says: "Easy.. I didn't feel a thing."
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Date: Tue, 3 Jun 1997 09:38:38 -0400
From: Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: On Marriage <adult>
A father was talking to his son just before the son's marriage, explaining
what the son could be looking forward to in his marriage.
He said, "Son, in the very beginning, it's tri-weekly. After you've been
married ten years or so, it's try weekly. But then after your silver
anniversary, it's try weakly."
Chalapathi
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