Digest for Saturday, November 01, 1997
There are 6 messages totalling 303 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Spoof Virus warning (not offensive)
- The Moore Household
- Will Rogers (Not Offensive)
- Logical English
- Halloween Joke
- Humor - Compendium Of Chicken Jokes (3rd of 5)
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Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 17:44:50 -0000
From: Stephen McCabe <bigsteve@ALLES.OR.JP>
Subject: Spoof Virus warning (not offensive)
Hope you like it - certainly made me laugh.
Steve
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WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE!
Gullibility Virus Spreading over the Internet!
******************************************************************
WASHINGTON, D.C.--The Institute for the Investigation of Irregular
Internet
Phenomena announced today that many Internet users are becoming infected
by
a new virus that causes them to believe without question every groundless
story, legend, and dire warning that shows up in their inbox or on their
browser. The Gullibility Virus, as it is called, apparently makes people
believe and forward copies of silly hoaxes relating to cookie recipes,
email viruses, taxes on modems, and get-rich-quick schemes.
"These are not just readers of tabloids or people who buy lottery tickets
based on fortune cookie numbers," a spokesman said. "Most are otherwise
normal people, who would laugh at the same stories if told to them by a
stranger on a street corner." However, once these same people become
infected with the Gullibility Virus, they believe anything they read on
the Internet.
"My immunity to tall tales and bizarre claims is all gone," reported one
weeping victim. "I believe every warning message and sick child story my
friends forward to me, even though most of the messages are anonymous."
Another victim, now in remission, added, "When I first heard about Good
Times, I just accepted it without question. After all, there were dozens
of
other recipients on the mail header, so I thought the virus must be true."
It was a long time, the victim said, before she could stand up at a
Hoaxees
Anonymous meeting and state, "My name is Jane, and I've been hoaxed." Now,
however, she is spreading the word. "Challenge and check whatever you
read,"
she says.
Internet users are urged to examine themselves for symptoms of the virus,
which include the following:
The willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking.
The urge to forward multiple copies of such stories to others.
A lack of desire to take three minutes to check to see if a story
is true.
T. C. is an example of someone recently infected. He told one reporter, "I
read on the Net that the major ingredient in almost all shampoos makes
your
hair fall out, so I've stopped using shampoo." When told about the
Gullibility Virus, T. C. said he would stop reading email, so that he
would
not become infected.
Anyone with symptoms like these is urged to seek help immediately.
Experts
recommend that at the first feelings of gullibility, Internet users rush
to
their favorite search engine and look up the item tempting them to
thoughtless credence. Most hoaxes, legends, and tall tales have been
widely
discussed and exposed by the Internet community.
Courses in critical thinking are also widely available, and there is
online help from many sources, including
Department of Energy Computer Incident Advisory Capability at
http://ciac.llnl.gov/ciac/CIACHoaxes.html
Symantec Anti Virus Research Center at
http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/index.html
McAfee Associates Virus Hoax List at
http://www.mcafee.com/support/hoax.html
Dr. Solomons Hoax Page at
http://www.drsolomons.com/vircen/hoax.html
The Urban Legends Web Site at
http://www.urbanlegends.com
Urban Legends Reference Pages at
http://www.snopes.com
Datafellows Hoax Warnings at
http://www.Europe.Datafellows.com/news/hoax.htm
Those people who are still symptom free can help inoculate themselves
against the Gullibility Virus by reading some good material on evaluating
sources, such as
Evaluating Internet Research Sources at
http://www.sccu.edu/faculty/R_Harris/evalu8it.htm
Evaluation of Information Sources at
http://www.vuw.ac.nz/~agsmith/evaln/evaln.htm
Bibliography on Evaluating Internet Resources at
http://refserver.lib.vt.edu/libinst/critTHINK.HTM
Lastly, as a public service, Internet users can help stamp out the
Gullibility Virus by sending copies of this message to anyone who forwards
them a hoax.
******************************************************************
This message is so important, we're sending it anonymously! Forward it to
all your friends right away! Don't think about it! This is not a chain
letter! This story is true! Don't check it out! This story is so
timely,
there is no date on it! This story is so important, we're using lots of
exclamation points! Lots!! For every message you forward to some
unsuspecting person, the Home for the Hopelessly Gullible will donate ten
cents to itself. (If you wonder how the Home will know you are forwarding
these messages all over creation, you're obviously thinking too much.)
******************************************************************
ACT NOW! DON'T DELAY! LIMITED TIME ONLY! NOT SOLD IN ANY STORE!
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Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 07:40:40 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: The Moore Household
* One time at Sunday dinner, with the entire family present,
I was going on about how the "Man of the House" (namely me) is
largely ignored. I asked what it was I had to do to get some
attention from them all.
My three-year-old Granddaughter said, "Try crying Pop-Pop."
- - - - -
* I can still remember when our son was young and in elementary
school. His favorite position to do homework was on the living
room floor, sprawled in front of the TV's dim light.
One time Mrs JimJr saw me looking at him and said, "Kind of
reminds one of a modern day Abe Lincoln, doesn't it ?"
- - - - -
* Mrs JimJr once made the mistake of putting me in full charge of
our first Granddaughter who was still a toddler. I would have done
fine too, had not the CowBoys been in a tuff football game.
Next thing I knew, I heard this thumping noise, and to my alarm
Christina had fallen down the 6 steps leading from the main to the
lower level. Well, other than a scare, she wasn't hurt, as it was
all carpeted.
Mrs JimJr, hearing the commotion, yelled from the kitchen, "What
was that ?"
I said, "You missed it. Christina just took her first steps."
- - - - -
* We hosted my son's wedding rehearsal dinner, and I was holding
court on marriage and commitments, etc.
My son, who had obviously heard enuff, spoke up and said, "My
Father tells it like it used to be."
- - - - -
* Speaking of chores, one Sunday I was watching football on TV and
as the second game came on, Mrs JimJr asked if I was going to till
the veggie garden.
I told her I would think about that in a while, at the moment, I
was busy thinking about mowing the lawn.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Enjoy humor ? Visit me @
(jokes page) http://www.mindspring.com/~vibes/jimmy.htm
(jokes posted) http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293
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Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 13:27:10 -0500
From: Doug McNees <PADLEOS@AOL.COM>
Subject: Will Rogers (Not Offensive)
THINGS WILL ROGERS NEVER SAID
(But probably wishes he had)
--It's a confused world. We're running out of electricity--
and aw, shucks, nobody even knows what it is.
--Sign on a boss's desk: "It's too late to agree with
me. I've already changed my mind."
--When the teacher asked the meaning of "unaware," little
Johnny replied "It's what you put on first and take
off last.
--It's a well-known fact that the older a man gets,
the faster he could run as a boy.
--What the average couple wants to get out of their
new car is the kids.
--People who depend on their family tree for status
should shake it first.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Doug's Joke Book
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Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 11:16:22 -0800
From: Keith E. Sullivan <KSullivan@WORLDNET.ATT.NET>
Subject: Logical English
LOGICAL ENGLISH
I said, "This horse, sir, will you shoe?"
And soon the horse was shod.
I said, "This deed, sir, will you do?"
And soon the deed was dod!
I said, "This stick, sir, will you break?"
At once the stick he broke.
I said, "This coat, sir, will you make?"
And soon the coat he moke!
-- Anonymous
--
Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird (McHaw) List
To subscribe or unsubscribe, write maiser@mail.otherwhen.com
and put "SUBSCRIBE McHawList" or "UNSUBSCRIBE McHawList" in the
message body. Send contributions to KSullivan@worldnet.att.net
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Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 16:22:46 EST
From: Funnyman Humor <funnymanhumor@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Halloween Joke <clean>
Q: Why don't mummies go on vacations?
A: Because they might relax and unwind!!
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Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 16:45:52 -0600
From: Ken Brousseau Sr. <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: Humor - Compendium Of Chicken Jokes (3rd of 5)
We've seen many chicken jokes posted on this list. Some unknown individual
has compiled these, which I've copied from another list.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals
your underlying sexual insecurity.
>George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that He
was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving
their interests.
>Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.
>Homer Simpson: Mmmmmmmmm, chicken.
>Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the
road of his own free will.
>Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
>Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone
ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all
over the place anyway?"
>John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
>Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saddam Hussein : It is the Mother of all Chicken Jokes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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