Digest for Thursday, January 01, 1998
There are 6 messages totalling 230 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Joke Rated: Oh, Give me a Clone (Incest)
- Marital Bliss
- Cinderella (adult)
- Australian training techniques (risque)
- Fw: Amusing supposed to be true psychic story
- Women And Driving?
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Date: Wed, 31 Dec 1997 23:30:13 -0800
From: Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Joke Rated: Oh, Give me a Clone (Incest)
This parody is to be sung to the tune of =93Home on the
Range=94.
The first verse and chorus are by science fiction writer
Randall Garrett.
The other verses are by Isaac Asimov.
Oh, give me a clone
Of my own flesh and bone
With its Y-chromosome changed to X
And when it is grown
Then my own little clone
Will be of the opposite sex.
(Chorus)
Clone, clone of my own,
With your Y-Chromosome changed to X
And when I=92m alone
With my own little clone
We will both think of nothing but sex.
Oh, give me a clone
In my sorrowful moan
A clone that is wholly my own.
And if she=92s an X
Of the feminine sex
Oh, what fun we will have when we=92re prone.
My heart=92s not of stone,
As I=92ve frequently shown
When alone with my own little X
And after we=92ve dined
I am sure we will find
Better incest than Oedipus Rex.
Why should such sex vex
Or disturb or perplex
Or induce a disparaging tone.
After all, don=92t you see
Since we=92re both of us me
When we=92re having sex, I=92m alone.
And after I=92m done
She will still have her fun
For I=92ll clone myself twice ere I die.
And this time without fail,
They=92ll be both of them male
And they=92ll ravage her by and by.
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Date: Thu, 1 Jan 1998 06:05:11 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: Marital Bliss
* A-Day minus 5: "Jimmy, whatever happened to that nice Max
Iceberg ? I haven't seen him since he came to
our wedding ten years ago."
A-Day minus 4: "Look at this ad. It's the exact same set of
dishes the girls gave me at work for my bridal
shower ten years ago."
A-Day minus 3: "You know, you don't look a day older than when
we got married ten years ago. I'm glad you've
kept yourself in such good shape."
A-Day minus 2: "Look Jimmy, I can still fit into my wedding
dress. See ? You're not the only one who's
kept in shape these past ten years."
A-Day minus 1: "Remember how nervous you were at our wedding
rehearsal dinner ten years ago tonight ? I was
afraid you weren't gonna show up at the church."
Anniversary: "Oh Jimmy darling. For me ? You remembered."
- - - - -
* Annoyed wife to husband: "Can't you just say we've been married
24 years instead of 'almost a quarter of a century'?"
- - - - -
* Mrs. JimJr sat down to dinner the other nite with her hair in
curlers. I asked why and she said she had just set her hair.
Fortunately, I was able to duck a spoonful of mashed potatoes
headed my way after I asked, "What time does it go off ?"
- - - - -
* Wife to husband: "I don't mind your little half-truths so much as
I do the fact that you always tell me the wrong half."
- - - - -
* Irate husband calling upstairs to wife: "How soon do you think you
will be ready ? Can you at least give me a specific day ?"
- - - - -
* Wife to husband, staring at his beer belly: "It's amazing when you
consider it takes an Oak tree 200 years to attain that girth."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Enjoy humor ? Visit me @
(jokes page) http://www.mindspring.com/~vibes/jimmy.htm
(jokes posted) http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293
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Date: Thu, 1 Jan 1998 11:58:39 EST
From: Larry Barnes <LBARNES@MUSIC.TRANSY.EDU>
Subject: Cinderella (adult)
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't
let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs
to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First you must wear a
diaphram." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You
must be home by 2am. Any later, and your diaphram will turn into a
pumpkin."
Editor's note: Ouch!
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2.
The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up.
Finally, at 5 a.m. Cinderella shows up looking love-struck and "very"
satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother.
"Your diaphram was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! What was his name?"
"I can't remember, exactly.... Peter, Peter something or other..."
--part1_883501588_boundary--
--part0_883501588_boundary--
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Date: Thu, 1 Jan 1998 21:43:31 -0500
From: John Vogel <jvogel@DGS.DGSYS.COM>
Subject: Australian training techniques (risque)
Naked Down under
Australian Ruled football coach Peter Schiltz thought having
his team work out in the nude would help snap a losing streak.
Schiltz, Player-coach of the Bungaree county football team said,
"I was looking for a bit of inspiration."
The players stripped down to boots and socks before doing a lap
around the field and a 10 min. ball drill. Schiltz said the
players were starting to enjoy themselves too much and he, "had
to tell them to get their gear back on." Schiltz's strategy
didn't work; his team lost it's next match.
U.S.A. Today 8/8/97 p. 3C
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Date: Fri, 2 Jan 1998 00:41:12 -0500
From: Aditya Mishra <a018967t@BC.SEFLIN.ORG>
Subject: Fw: Amusing supposed to be true psychic story
From: Steven Shaw <Banachek@compuserve.com>
>Phone Problems (AKA The Psychic Dog)
>
>It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra
>voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in
>England).
>
>When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuits
>for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be
>signaled without disturbing each other.
>
>Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone
>failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when
>it did ring her dog always barked first. The repairman proceeded to the
>scene, curious to see this psychic dog. He climbed a nearby telephone pole,
>hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't
>ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing
>telephone. Climbing down from the pole, the repair man found:
>
>a. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain
>and collar.
>
>b. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current.
>
>c. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinating on
>the ground.
>
>d. The wet ground now completed the circuit and the phone would ring.
>.
>
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Date: Fri, 2 Jan 1998 10:46:53 -0500
From: Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: Women And Driving? <adult>
Three friends are discussing their wives experience of learning car
driving.
First one narrates 'Each night my wife squeeze my penis and shouts
"Pom-Pom"'.
Second one says 'Each night my wife grips my penis and shouts
"First-Second-Third-Fourth-Reverse"'.
Third one exclaims 'That's nothing. Each night my wife takes my
penis,puts it in her,and orders,"Five gallons please"'.
Chalapathi
And His
Four Line
Signature! :-)
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