Digest for Saturday, October 03, 1998
There are 5 messages totalling 268 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Cuba
- Doctor Visit
- The Bells/ Sex Laws
- The doggie pledge
- KIDS AND the Brothel(adult)
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Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1998 04:01:02 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: Cuba <some adult humor>
* Until recently, in Cuba free speech wasn't dead --
only the speakers of it were.
- - - - -
* A famous athlete, who had escaped from Cuba, was asked why so
many of the Cubans excelled in 800 meter swimming. "Easy." he
replied. "In Cuba, we practice using Florida as the finish line."
- - - - -
* Juan got up at the meeting and asked, "Why do we have so many
shortages ? Why are all our people so discontent ?"
The council chairman said, "It's getting late, I'll answer all
your questions at the next meeting."
At the next meeting the first speaker said, "I only have one
question -- whatever happened to Juan ?"
- - - - -
* An important political figure went to a brothel in Havana. He
invited one of the prostitutes to have a drink with him first.
Upon learning she wasn't a member of the Communist Party, he
urged her to join.
The prostitute replied, "I don't think so. My Mother had a
fit when I joined this brothel."
- - - - -
* Three cellmates in a Cuban jail compared notes. "I was jailed
for coming to work late." mourned the first. "They said I was
trying to upset the productivity quota."
"Me ? I came to work early." said the second. "They said this
proved I was a Capitalist spy."
"And I am here for always getting to work on time." added the
third. "They said this proved I had an American watch."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Indexed UGA Humor Digests 1997-1998:
(text) www2.crosswinds.net/baltimore/~jimjr
(zip) www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293
To subscribe:
Send an e-mail to: listserv@listserv.uga.edu
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Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1998 09:20:02 -0400
From: Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Doctor Visit
An elderly lady came to see a young male doctor with her husband.
After the consultation was finished, the elderly man suddenly asked
the doctor for a piece of paper and a pen. Although a strange request,
he complied, and the man quickly wrote something, then handed the
folded piece of paper to the doctor. He told him to read it as soon
as they had left.
The doctor thought that the man perhaps had an embarrassing medical
complaint he didn't want to talk about in front of his wife, so the
doctor didn't hesitate in obeying the request. Once the couple had
left the room, the doctor sat down and read the piece of paper. It's
contents were thus:
"Doctor, your fly is undone!"
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/
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Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1998 13:33:55 EDT
From: J e n <talkloud@JUNO.COM>
Subject: The Bells/ Sex Laws <adult>
( A Classic...I LOVE it!!!))
A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join
their organization. The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you
have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join
this group." The man says O.K. He is striped of his clothing. A bell
is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men
who are also trying to join. Then a naked woman is sent walking across
the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away.
The man begs for another chance and is given this chance. The woman
walks by again and again the man's bell rings again.
The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit
for this organization"
As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start
ringing.
***
Sex Laws
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting
or fishing on your wedding day.
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic,
onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife
so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to
take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or
holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between
members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown --
if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the
law!)
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have
twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when
a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love
on the floor between the beds!
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide
each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they
are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex
unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from
having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called
master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset.
(There was a civil-service job -- for men only -- called a corset
inspector.)
However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing
corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered
body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded
American male."
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police
officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any
suspicious officer who thinks
that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three
times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car
to investigate.
Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a
table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two
ounces of clothing.
Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their
lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while
they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked
vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van
has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you
can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.
Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio --
a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"
No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the
boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with
a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local
newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
***
"From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere." --
Dr. Seuss
talkloud@juno.com
Jen
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Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1998 14:47:16 -0400
From: Gwendolyn E Eckman <geckman@POLARIS.UMUC.EDU>
Subject: The doggie pledge
THE DOGGIE PLEDGE
* I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
* "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
* The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.
* I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.
* I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet
* I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the
backyard after processing.
* I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
* I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red ones so my
people will think I am dying.
* I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
* I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her ear.
* I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast
food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.
* I will not throw up in the car.
* I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's license and car registration.
* When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when it's raining outside.
* I must shake the rainwater out of my fur *before* entering the house.
* I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is
sitting on the toilet.
* I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard
with it.
* The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
* We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on
TV.
* I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.
* My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
* I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
* The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
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Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1998 15:55:45 -0500
From: RAINYBOW <wett@COMMUNIQUE.NET>
Subject: KIDS AND the Brothel(adult)
Two eight-year-old boys played in a vacant lot everyday, and across the
street
was a brothel. Day after day they saw men go up, knock on the door, go
in,
and eventually come out happy and smiling. One day they became curious
and
decided to see what was going on. The madam answers the door and looks
down
at the boys, and asks what they want. They explain what they saw, and
tell her
that they are curious as to what goes on inside.
The Madam thinks for a moment, shrugs, and says, "Do you have 5
dollars?"
Both boys dig deep into their pockets and come up with a total of 50
cents.
She says, "OK, that will have to do," as she proceeds to lift her skirt
and
pull down her panties. She tells both boys to take a sniff, which they
do.
She closes the door and the kids proceed home.
About halfway down the block one boy turns to the other and says, "Ya
know
Joey, I don't think I coulda stood 5 dollars worth of that."
--
If u cannot find the pot of gold.......
Just enjoy the Rainbow~
RAINY
http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/9989/
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