Digest for Sunday, October 04, 1998
There are 9 messages totalling 363 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Kids and Grandkids
- The Ten Commandments of E-mail
- Little Red Riding Hood
- The T.V. Repairman and the housewife
- COffee bREak(adult)
- Puns and Riddles
- Theres Still Time
- Niggers in jail (racist)
- Monday Surds..
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Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1998 02:36:44 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: Kids and Grandkids
Administrative Note:
In the September 30 Digest, two posts titled "Wanna Date My
Daughter" appeared. The author of this piece was Bruce
Cameron in his "Cameron Column #76" <www.wbrucecameron.com>
Any member noticing material posted without proper credit or
the original source is asked to write the contributor and cc:
the ListOwner, Jay Harman <jay_harman@hotmail.com>
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
* In the "Not so Reassuring Phone Call" Department this week, a
Mother received a call from her son at 1:00 a.m. "Don't worry
Ma, I'm perfectly safe -- I'm in jail."
- - - - -
* Life can be tuff for teens in Baltimore. One teen was questioned
by a friend if he wasn't worried for his own safety "hanging out"
late at nite. He replied, "Nah. Dad said that if I see a gunfight,
get into it so's I won't be shot as a bystander."
- - - - -
* A mother was lecturing her son on good living: "Don't smoke,
drink or do drugs. Eat properly and sensibly. Doing otherwise
has killed more people than all the wars we've ever had."
The boy thinks this all over for a minute or two, then asks,
"Ma, then what kills all the people who live right ?"
- - - - -
* As y'all know, olives are an acquired taste. At a picnic here
one time, my Grandson JimJr JrJr was watching me pop a few
olives. He tried one and promptly spit it out. Then he saw
me pop several more. He tried again with negative results. This
time though he complained loudly to Mrs JimJr, "Mom-Mom, Pop-Pop
is getting all the good ones !"
- - - - -
* A Yuppette ducked into an exclusive (no kids allowed) Columbia
dress shop leaving her five-year-old son in charge of his year
old sister. When she finally emerged, there was her son pushing
a different stroller; her daughter nowhere in sight.
"Daniel ? What are you doing ?" she said. "That's not your
sister !!!"
"Shhhhh, Mother." he replied. "This is a much better stroller."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Indexed UGA Humor Digests 1997-1998:
(text) www2.crosswinds.net/baltimore/~jimjr
(zip) www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293
To subscribe:
Send an e-mail to: listserv@listserv.uga.edu
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Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1998 08:30:52 -0400
From: Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: The Ten Commandments of E-mail
Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.
Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.
Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before thou sendest it.
Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.
Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.
Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE ALL CAPS.
Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.
Thou shalt not use e-mail for any illegal or unethical purpose.
Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of e-mail, especially from work.
When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the
dawn.
And, here's the "Golden Rule" of E-Mail:
That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/
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Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1998 14:52:06 +0100
From: Catweasel <catweasel@CATWEASEL.ORG>
Subject: Little Red Riding Hood <adult>
Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to visit her grandmother in the
forest, and her mother said, "You'd better not go out tonight Little Red
Riding Hood because the big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do.
He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties,
and fuck your little red socks off."
But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said "Don't worry
Mom, I've got it covered."
As she was walking through the forest, she came across the three little
pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said, "You shouldn't
be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf's out and you
know what he'll do if he catches you. He'll lift up your little red
dress, pull down your little red panties, and fuck your little red socks
off."
So she pulled out the shotgun and said, "Don't worry boys. Got it
covered!"
As she continued through the forest she came across the big bad wolf and
he said, "You shouldn't have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood
because you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to lift up your little
red dress, pull down your little red panties, and fuck your little red
socks off."
At that, Little Red Riding Hood lifted up her little red dress, pulled
down her little red panties, laid down on her back with her legs apart,
pointed the shotgun at the big bad wolf, and said, "Oh no you're not.
You're going to eat me just like the book says."
Trust me, I'm a doctor.
Catweasel <catweasel@catweasel.org>
http://www.catweasel.org
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
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Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1998 07:27:12 -0700
From: Joke List <1rodney@GEOCITIES.COM>
Subject: The T.V. Repairman and the housewife
Mrs. Cohen, the buxom, sexy housewife was built so well the TV
repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she
came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of
joint looking at her.
When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a
. . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me
you'll keep it a secret."
The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind
of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind,
decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A
certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "
The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"
"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the
door . . ."
"Yes yes!"
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"
Rodney And Cathy's Joke List
Visit our web site at: http://www.rcjokelist.com
To subscribe send a message to: rcjokelist-on@mail-list.com
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Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1998 10:45:19 -0500
From: RAINYBOW <wett@COMMUNIQUE.NET>
Subject: COffee bREak(adult)
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting at
the
counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman
beside
her. Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the
girl
and bellowed with a loud voice "Young lady, I would rather commit
adultery
than smoke!"
"So would I," quipped the girl, "but you know, there just isn't time
enough
during a coffee break."
--
If u cannot find the pot of gold.......
Just enjoy the Rainbow~
RAINY
http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/9989/
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Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1998 10:00:24 -0800
From: Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Puns and Riddles
This guy who was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked
the man's driver's license, he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and
you're not now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that."
The guy said, "Officer, I have contacts."
The cop said, "Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, ... I'm
giving you a ticket."
A boy and his father are playing with toy cars, the father has the police
car and pretends to pull over the car that the boy is playing with.
"Do you have a drivers license?" asks the father.
"No," says the boy.
"Are you resisting arrest?" he asks.
The boy hesitates before he says, "No, ... I'm not sleepy yet."
PUNY Riddles 3
16. What author would Cleopatra invoke if Mark Anthony asks her if she were
faithful to him?
17. The game show host, a former Marine, lived with his family in a famous
Mexican city. Name that family and their location.
18. What's the similarity between someone who has buys an option on a female
farmer's legume crop and someone who develops a cold sore?
19. What did Leonardo say to Donnatello when he saw the bovine at the end of her
elastic rope?
20. What did the famous WWI spy say when future Pres. Truman apologized for
the army's discourteous treatment of her?
21. What city gets its name from dropping a waffle on the beach?
22. If you sue a urologist, what kind of trial would s/he probably request?
<
<
<
<
<
<
<
<
16. Omar Khayyam (Oh Mark, I am)
17. The Halls of Monte Zuma
18. Both have contracted her peas (Herpes)
19. "Cow-A-Bungee," he shouted as they watched the Jersey bounce.
20. It doesn't Matah, Harry (Mata Hari)
21. Sandy Eggo
22. A jury of your pee-ers
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Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1998 19:34:01 -0700
From: Keith E. Sullivan <KSullivan@WORLDNET.ATT.NET>
Subject: There's Still Time
THERE'S STILL TIME
An adult piano student of mine asked me to teach her Pachelbel's Canon,
so she could play it at her friend's wedding. After a month of
practice, however, she had made very little progress, and I warned her
that she might not be ready to play the piece at the wedding. "Oh,
that's okay," she replied. "Her boyfriend hasn't proposed yet."
Elsie Anzalone
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Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1998 23:06:34 +0300
From: Leo Heler <leopold@ACID.MATCO.RO>
Subject: Niggers in jail (racist)
Three niggers were talking in a prison in South Africa. They are talking
about how they got in the slammer. The first one says:
"There was this white guy, driving a truck, and he hit me. The impact
thrown me 20 feet away, and they put me to jail for leaving the place of the
accident".
"That's nothing", says the second. I was also hit by a car, and thrown off
in a man's yard. And the damn authorities put me to jail for leaving the
place of the accident and violating private property."
The third nigger just laughs. "Well, I got hit by a car, thrown off in a
man's yard. The guy gets out of this house and stabs me with a 15 inches
knife. He leaves the blade in my back, goes inside, and calls the police. So
here I am, doing time for leaving the place of the accident, violating
private property AND for illegally carrying a blade!"
--
Leo Heler
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Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1998 09:55:21 -0400
From: Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMCLTD.COM>
Subject: Monday Surds..<clean>
1. A sardar walking on the street, suddenly notices a banana peel on
his way.
Imagine what the sardar tells himself...
"Dhat Tere ki... Aaj phir girna padega!"
(Damn... I'll have to fall again today...)
2. Two Sardarjis are in a railway station.
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" asks the first.
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks the second Sardarji.
Chalapathi
And His
Four-Line
Signature! :-)
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