Digest for Saturday, May 01, 1999
There are 4 messages totalling 178 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- PUNY Riddles
- To My Dear Girlfriend
- Original Placing
- Two guys on an elevator [* adult theme *]
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Date: Sat, 1 May 1999 00:52:38 -0700
From: Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: PUNY Riddles
166. Years ago, scientists developed artificial sugars and in more
recent years artificial fat. In 1999, scientists invented artificial
spaghetti. What was the brand name?
167. What did it cost Jean Lafitte to have his ears pierced?
168. Why could you be certain that the star of the "Wagon Train" TV
series was always going to deliver on a promise?
169. Why are most archeologists failures?
170. What do you call a medical specialist who removes gangrenous
apendages from French fries?
Movie of the Week: 9. Tom Cruise and friends save the world from
pollution and other ecological problems in:
Book of the Week: 7. Stephen King s novel about the sons and daughters
of adult film stars.
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166. Impasta (By Cynthia MacGregor)
167. About a buck an ear (By Stan Kegel)
168. His Ward was his Bond (By Gary Hallock)
169. Because their careers lie in ruins (By Stan Kegel)
170. An ampu-tater (By Gary Hallock)
Movie of the Week: Emission Impossible (By Hauke Reddmann)
Book of the Week: 7. Children of the Porn. (By Stan Kegel)
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Date: Sat, 1 May 1999 06:55:50 -0400
From: Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: To My Dear Girlfriend
Yesterday the distaff perspective, today we hear the male's rebuttal.
To My Dear Girlfriend,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times,which is an average of once every ten
days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished.
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
(Thanks to John Davis)
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/
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Date: Sat, 1 May 1999 09:18:52 -0500
From: RANEBOUX <wett@GS.VERIO.NET>
Subject: Original Placing
A stalwart Vermont farmer bought some land that was still
just
as it had been before the Pilgrims landed.
He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence; cut down
trees to
create a clearing; built a house and a small barn; cleared
land for
pasture, dug a well and over several years just generally
worked his
fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat, productive
farm.
Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and marveled
rather
fulsomely, and at great length, at all that "you and God
have done
together."
"Eh," the farmer said dubiously. "Ya shoulda seen the
place when
God ran it by himself."
--
If u cannot find the pot of gold.......
~Just enjoy the Raneboux~
RAINY
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Date: Sat, 1 May 1999 11:40:48 -0500
From: Don E. ZBoray <zboray@NEWBIE.NET>
Subject: Two guys on an elevator [* adult theme *]
A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge
Dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy
and says:
"7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right
ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up
the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and
asks the small guy. "What's wrong?" The smallwhite guy says, "Excuse
me but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says "7 foot
tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball,
my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'!"
atbty,
-- don ;-)
Don E. Z'Boray - Irving, TX
http://www.newbie.net/
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