Digest for Sunday, July 04, 1999
There are 4 messages totalling 165 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- White Folks (aDULLT)off to racists...
- Preparing Men For The Millenium
- 2 4 the 4th (Puns)
- Humor - Weird Business News #16 (3rd of 3)
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Date: Sun, 4 Jul 1999 07:24:45 -0500
From: RANEBOUX <raneboux@BELLSOUTH.NET>
Subject: White Folks (aDULLT)off to racists...
Back in the early days of steam ships, a ship of rich white people
sailed at sea.
All of a sudden something happened to the
ship and it
was about to sink. Terrified, the people aboard didn't know what to do.
Someone suggested they do what the Negroes did.....pray.
But
unfortunately no one knew what to say.
So they called upon Titanus, a
black cook on the ship and asked him to pray.
Titanus agreed and came up on deck to pray. He started like this:
"Lord on a day of hunger I went to a restaurant to get
something to eat
and the sign said: FOR WHITE FOLKS ONLY.
I went to a water fountain to get water and the sign said:
FOR WHITE
FOLKS ONLY.
Then Lord, I went to the restroom to take a shit and the sign said:
FOR
WHITE FOLKS ONLY.
So Lord Almighty when this motherfucker sinks, let it be
FOR WHITE
FOLKS ONLY......................AMEN"
--
If u cannot find the pot of gold.......
~Just enjoy the Raneboux~
RAINY
GO
4th ....
" :->
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Date: Sun, 4 Jul 1999 10:05:47 -0400
From: Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Preparing Men For The Millenium
Training Courses Now Available For Men:
1) Introduction To Common Household Objects I - The Mop
2) Introduction To Common Household Objects II - The Sponge
3) Dressing Up - Beyond The Funeral And The Wedding
4) Refrigerator Forensics - Identifying And Removing The Dead
5) Design Pattern Or Splatter Stain On The Linoleum - You CAN Tell the
Difference
6) Accepting Loss I - If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away
7) Accepting Loss II - If The Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It
In The Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back
8) Going To The Supermarket - It's Not Just For Women Anymore
9) Recycling Skills I - Boxes That The Electronics Came In
10) Recycling Skills II - Styrofoam That Came In The Boxes That The
Electronics Came In
11) Bathroom Etiquette I - How To Remove Beard/Mustache Clippings From
The Sink
12) Bathroom Etiquette II - Let's Wash Those Towels!
13) Bathroom Etiquette III - Five Easy Ways To Tell When You're About To
Run Out Of Toilet Paper
14) Giving Back To The Community - How To Donate 15 Year Old Elvis To The
Goodwill
15) Retro Or Just Hideous? Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts
16) No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves - Knowing The Limitations Of
Your Kitchenware
17) Romance - More Than A Cable Channel
18) Strange But True - She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down And
Ten" Means
19) Going Out To Dinner - Beyond The Pizza Hut
20) Expand Your Entertainment Options - Renting Movies That Don't Fall
Under The "Action/Adventure" Category
21) Yours, Mine, and Ours - Sharing The Remote
22) "I Could Have Played A Better Game Than That!" - Why Women Laugh
23) Adventures In Housekeeping I - Let's Clean The Closet
24) Adventures in Housekeeping II - Let's Clean Under The Bed
25) "I Don't Know" - Be The First Man To Say It
26) The Gas Gauge In Your Car - Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty
27) Directions - It's Okay To Ask For Them
28) Listening - It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
29) Accepting Your Limitations - Just Because You Have Power Tools
Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It
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Date: Sun, 4 Jul 1999 11:48:10 -0700
From: Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: 2 4 the 4th (Puns)
Most elementary school children will be able to tell you that the
first American flag was made by Betsy Ross. What they are not taught
was that she was also a social scientist who developed the techniques
now used by Gallop and others.
It started when she asked a group of colonists what they thought of
the flag she had made. This was the origin of ... the flag poll.
During the Revolutionary War, England lost the battle of Saratoga
because General Howe stayed in Philadelphia.
History books now state that it was due to . . . "lack of no Howe.”
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Date: Sun, 4 Jul 1999 15:02:58 -0500
From: Ken Brousseau Sr. <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: Humor - Weird Business News #16 (3rd of 3)
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Copied from Houston Chronicle Columnist, Jim Barlow:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some names to float your boat
Things you might not know if you didn't read this column. The most popular
name for a boat in 1999 is Misty, ousting such long-term favorites as
Serenity, Odyssey and Obsession. And thanks to the Boat Owners Association
of the United States for that bit of riveting info.
From Eileen C. Shapiro, author of such serious business books as Fad
Surfing in the Boardroom: Managing in the Age of Instant Answers, comes
these definitions.
· Passengers: As seen by the airlines, air freight with an attitude.
· Entrepreneur: A person whose ideas exceed his cash, and whose need for
cash is exceeded only by his desire for control.
· Knowledge worker: A person who has traded union protection for carpal
tunnel syndrome.
· Exit interview: A three-monkey exercise in which the person leaving
speaks no evil, the person conducting the interview hears no evil, and in
consequence there is no evil that anybody anyplace in the company has to
see or address.
· Ultra-high performance: Meets the specs most of the time.
· Market forces: A perfectly serviceable concept frequently hijacked as an
excuse for pillaging the public trust.
· Blur: What's left after all the jargon about the information age has
blown by.
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