Digest for Wednesday, September 01, 1999
There are 15 messages totalling 762 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
- Chick Drinks and Personality
- cuTTing corners (aDULLt)
- [Humour] Excerpts from a cats diary
- Things You Would Never Know......
- Judgement
- And God Said, Let There Be Light in Kansas
- Plagairism a concept in transition
- The Wish
- Competition & Exertainment (Puns)
- NOTHING UP HIS SLEEVE
- Two old men [adult]
- Testing
- Insults
- Monica Lewinskys father asked to help Clinton
- Scottish Jokes [may be offensive to Scots]
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 11:50:28 -0400
From: chaps@TC4HQ.CMCLTD.COM
Subject: Chick Drinks and Personality <clean>
To get all those women who think men are like placemats, bath tiles...-C. ;)
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's
personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they
concurred on almost all counts. The results:
Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.
Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more
years...Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.
Drink: White Zin
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no
clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...
Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.
Chalapathi
And His
Four-Line
Signature! :-)
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 01:38:40 -0500
From: RANEBOUX <raneboux@BELLSOUTH.NET>
Subject: cuTTing corners (aDULLt)
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
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A Jewish man was in an accident and his penis was chopped off. He was
rushed to the hospital where the doctor examined him, and after careful
examination
said, "We can replace it with a small size for $5,000, a medium size for
$15,000, or an extra-large size for $30,000.
I realize it's a lot of money, so take your time and talk it over with
your wife."
When the doctor came back into the room he found the man staring sadly
at the floor.
"My wife says she'd rather have a new kitchen."
--
If u cannot find the pot of gold.......
~Just enjoy the Raneboux~
RAINY
http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/9989/
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<DIV>A Jewish man was in an accident and his penis was chopped =
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size for=20
$5,000, a medium size for<BR><BR>$15,000, or an extra-large size for=20
$30,000.<BR>I realize it's a lot of money, so take your time and talk it =
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with<BR>your wife."<BR>When the doctor came back into the room he =
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man staring sadly<BR>at the floor.<BR>"My wife says she'd rather =
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<DIV><STRONG><FONT color=3D#000000 face=3DBimini size=3D4>--<BR>If u =
cannot find the=20
pot of gold.......<BR> ~Just enjoy the=20
Raneboux~<BR> RAINY<BR><A=20
href=3D"http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/9989/">http://www.ge=
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 11:31:38 +0100
From: Catweasel <catweasel@CATWEASEL.ORG>
Subject: [Humour] Excerpts from a cat's diary
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat
dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape,
and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top
of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite
chair; must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep
depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was. Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it
included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds
could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb
still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The Dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got
to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something
akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room
his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Trust me, I'm a doctor.
Catweasel <catweasel@catweasel.org>
http://www.catweasel.org/
Schrodinger's cat is alive and well but won't come out of its box.
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 06:49:54 -0400
From: Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Things You Would Never Know......
This message is in MIME format. The first part should be readable text,
while the remaining parts are likely unreadable without MIME-aware tools.
Send mail to mime@docserver.cac.washington.edu for more info.
--=====================_930085036==_
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=us-ascii
Content-ID: <Pine.SOL.3.96.990622124602.16078F@mcmail.cis.McMaster.CA>
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT WATCHING THE MOVIES
* During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip
club at least once.
* All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the
armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside
her.
* It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the
control tower to talk you down.
* Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
* The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No
one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to
any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
* If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition
even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
* You're very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you make
the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
* The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but
will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
* If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it
before long.
* All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
* If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing
St. Patrick's Day parade.....at any time of the year.
* When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a
bill, just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the
exact fare.
* Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere
in the universe.
* Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,
you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
* If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear.
* Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say:
Enter Password Now.
* Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every
morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat
them.
* Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
* The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective or give him
48 hours to finish the job.
* A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
Wembley Stadium.
* It is not necessary to say hello or good-bye when beginning or ending
phone conversations.
* Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few
moments.
* All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
* It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
visiting.
* A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
* Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication
systems of any invading alien civilization.
* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one
by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out
their predecessors.
* When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will
never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
* No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption
or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
* Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
* Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds,
unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
* An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no
lasting damage to an eight year old child.
* Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at that precise moment.
* When a woman or child is fleeing a monster or attacker, she will trip
on nothing five times in 10 feet.
--=====================_930085036==_--
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 07:05:13 -0400
From: Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Judgement
Two men are sent before a judge on drug related charges. Rather than sending
them to jail, the judge decides that it would be better to sentence them to
community service. The judge tells the men that they are to go out into the
community and spread the word as to the dangers of drugs. In 30 days they
are to come back before him, and report to the court how many people they
have reformed.
Thirty days go by and the men are back in the courtroom. The judge asks the
first man how many people he's freed from the dangers of drugs?"
"I converted 133" the man answered.
When the judge asked how he'd accomplished this, the man replied,
"Simple, I drew them this picture and told them:
O This is your brain
o This is your brain on drugs"
The second man said, "Well, I converted 275 people"
Amazed the judge asked how he'd accomplished such a feat.
The man said, "Simple, I drew them this picture and told them:
o This is your asshole
O This is your asshole after prison."
(Thanks to Phil Rumsey)
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 15:57:00 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA>
Subject: And God Said, Let There Be Light in Kansas
<may be off. to the religious>
Memo to: The members of the Kansas Board of Education
From: God
Re: Your decision to eliminate the teaching of evolution as science.
Thank you for your support. Much obliged. Now, go forth and
multiply. Beget many children. And yea, your children shall beget
children. And their children shall beget children, and their
children's children after them. And in time the genes that have
made you such pinheads will be eliminated through natural
selection. Because that is how it works.
Listen, I love all my creatures equally, and gave each his own
special qualities to help him on Earth. The horse I gave great
strength. The antelope I gave great grace and speed. The dung
beetle I gave great stupidity, so he doesn't realize he is a dung
beetle. Man I gave a brain. Use it, okay?
I admit I am not perfect. I've made errors. (Armpit hair--what was I
thinking?) But do you Kansans seriously believe that I dropped
half-a-billion-year-old trilobite skeletons all over my great green
Earth by mistake? What, I had a few lying around some previous
creation in the Andromeda galaxy, and they fell through a hole in
my pocket? You were supposed to find them. And once you found
them, you were supposed to draw the appropriate, intelligent
conclusions. That's what I made you for. To think. The folks who
wrote the Bible were smart and good people. Mostly, they got it
right. But there were glitches. Imprecisions.
For one thing, they said that Adam and Eve begat Cain and Abel,
and then Cain begat Enoch. How was that supposed to have
happened? They left out Tiffany entirely! Well, they also were a
little off on certain elements of timing and sequence. So what?
You guys were supposed to figure it all out for yourselves, anyway.
When you stumble over the truth, you are not supposed to pick
yourself up, dust yourself off and proceed on as though nothing had
happened. If you find a dinosaur's toe, you're not supposed to look
for reasons to call it a croissant. You're not big, drooling idiots. For
that, I made dogs.
Why do you think there are no fossilized human toes dating from a
hundred million years ago? Think about it. It's okay if you think. In
fact, I prefer it. That's why I like Charlie Darwin. He was always a
thinker. Still is. He and I chat frequently.
I know a lot of people figure that if man evolved from other
organisms, it means I don't exist. I have to admit this is a
reasonable assumption and a valid line of thought. I am in favor of
thought. I encourage you to pursue this concept with an open
mind, and see where it leads you.
That's all I have to say right now, except that I'm really cheesed off
at laugh tracks on sitcoms, and the NRA, and people who make
simple declarative sentences sound like questions?
Oh, wait. There's one more thing.
Did you read in the newspapers yesterday how scientists in
Australia dug up some rocks and found fossilized remains of life
dating back further than ever before? Primitive, multicelled animals
on Earth nearly 3 billion years ago, when the planet was nothing
but roiling muck and ice and fire. And inside those cells was . . .
DNA. Incredibly complex strands of chemicals, laced together in a
scheme so sophisticated no one yet understands exactly how
it works. I wonder who could have thought of something like that,
back then. Just something to gnaw on.
© Copyright 1999 The Washington Post Company.
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 11:31:27 -0400
From: Jim Mica <jmica@ITHACA.EDU>
Subject: Plagairism a concept in transition
Some people have asked me why I gave up teaching. Here's a partial
"here's why." And, lest the peanut gallery blame this ALL on Bill Clinton:
Back in the reign of Good King Ronald the 1st, I had a colleague who
accused a student of palgiarism. The student showed up with a lawyer
but the University wouldn't provide legal counsel for the instructor.
Jim Mica
Subject:
mini-AIR August 99 -- Plagiarism
Date:
Fri, 27 Aug 1999 04:18:16 -0400 (EDT)
From:
Marc Abrahams <marca@chem2.harvard.edu>
Reply-To:
mini-air@chem.harvard.edu
----------------------------------------------------------
1999-08-09 Ethics Puzzler of the Month
This month's AIRhead Ethics Puzzler Question concerns plagiarism.
A mother in upstate New York explained to us that her son's
high school teacher refused to accept a paper the son had written
unless the son also handed in a rough draft. The mother was
outraged, explaining to us that the paper was of excellent
quality, because it was written by the boy's sister, a Cornell
University senior majoring in computer science. Upon our
suggesting that the lad had committed plagiarism, the mother
replied that no, this was not plagiarism -- that what all the
OTHER children in the class did was plagiarism because THOSE
children paid MONEY to STRANGERS to write their papers. Thus
(explained the mother) her son, having paid no money for his
paper, and having had it written by a sibling, had in no way
committed plagiarism.
Our puzzler question is hypothetical:
If you had four college-attending siblings, and were forced to
choose JUST ONE of them to write your papers for you, then
ETHICALLY which one should you choose?
1. A sibling who attends a prestigious college
2. A sibling who is a sister
3. A sibling who refuses to accept payment for written work
4. A sibling who is a computer science major
Please send your Ethics Puzzler answer (25 words max, please) to
<marca@chem2.harvard.edu>.
------------------------------------------------------------
(c) copyright 1999, Annals of Improbable Research
------------------------------------------------------------
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 12:14:56 EDT
From: Anna White <AWhite777@AOL.COM>
Subject: The Wish
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie
popped up out of his ashtray and said, "And what will your
third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting
a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your
second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was
before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing,
because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes.
You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck.
I wish I were irresistible to women."
"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared
forever. "That was your first wish, too!"
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 10:15:44 -0700
From: Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Competition & Exertainment (Puns)
A guy walks into a bar and notices two pieces of meat on the ceiling.
He asks the bar man for a pint and the bar man asks, "Don't you want
to participate in our competition?"
The guy asks "What's it all about?"
The barman informs him, "All you have to do is get those pieces of
meat off the ceiling and you get a free pint! If you fail you have to
buy the whole pub a drink."
The guy replies, "No I don't think so mate... those steaks are far too
high!" (By Gilbert Krebs)
Exercise and entertainment.
Entertainment and exercise.
We need both, but usually these things are mutually incompatible.
Exercising is not fun and entertainment turns me even more into a
couch potato.
This problem is not restricted to my own experience, however. Other
people have dealt with the problem and the solution varies from one
person to another.
For example, some close friends were involved in Korean martial arts,
something they did strictly for the entertainment. And for exercise,
they took up old-fashioned square dancing, an a demanding activity
that can run one to exhaustion over an evening's time.
As might be expected, the time constraints on their lives did not
allow these friends to pursue their favorite excercise and
entertainments to the fullest extent possible, until I stepped in,
that is.
The solution, of course was to combine their love of Korean martial
arts and square dancing into one unified activity, ... the Tae Kwan Do-si-do.
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 16:36:37 EDT
From: Robert Prieto <rprieto@JUNO.COM>
Subject: NOTHING UP HIS SLEEVE <clean>
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.
The audience would be different each week, so the magician
allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the
shows every week and began to understand what the magician
did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started
shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was
the captain's parrot after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician
found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the
ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They
stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word.
This went on for several days.
After a week the parrot finally said: "Okay, I give up.
What'd you do with the boat ?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Never give up the fight for freedom - a fight which, though it may
never end, is the most ennobling known to man." - Ronald Reagan
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 19:23:55 -0500
From: Les Pourciau at UMem <POURCIAU@LATTE.MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: Two old men [adult]
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided
they needed to visit a prostitute house. When they arrived at the house,
the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any
of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blowup" dolls instead.
She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got
to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She
never moved, talked or groaned...how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?"
"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast,
she farted and flew out the window. . ."
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 22:11:43 -0400
From: Aditya, the Hindu Skeptic <a018967t@BC.SEFLIN.ORG>
Subject: Testing
I have not received any mail for a while and want to see if I am still
on it.
--
Have a peaceful and joyous day.
Aditya Mishra
Primary e-mail: a018967t@bc.seflin.org
Primary homepage: http://www.smart1.net/aditya
ICQ # 1131674 Fax #: 209-315-8571
Random thought of the day:
Armpits.....the ORIGINAL scratch 'n sniff !
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 19:46:26 -0700
From: Keith Sullivan <KSullivan@WORLDNET.ATT.NET>
Subject: Insults
ON THE SLUR OF THE MOMENT
A reader wrote to columnist Mike Royko at the Chicago Tribune:
"How long have you been writing a column? A friend told me it is about
25 years, but I don't see how anybody as stupid as you could do it that
long. It would be impossible, because you are as dumb as they come."
Royko replied, "Actually, it is more than 30 years. But you have
spotted the secret of my longevity. Stupidity. When I write, I never
think. Thinking would just slow me down. By the way, you might buy
yourself a typewriter and give it a try. Your letter shows considerable
promise."
Chicago Tribune
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
VAST STORE OF PUT-DOWNS
A teaching colleague was previewing a book for her second-grade class
and became concerned about a passage in which one character refers to
another as a "bum." She felt that by reading it she would be
contributing to her pupils' already vast store of put-downs.
Her 11-year-old daughter offered a solution. "Just don't read the word
'bum,'" she counseled. "Say 'butthead.'"
Larry Heywood in Reader's Digest
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Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 21:47:04 -0700
From: Sue Birkenseer <Sue@CIRCUSPREPRESS.COM>
Subject: Monica Lewinsky's father asked to help Clinton
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Talk about Chutzpah.
First, President Clinton had an affair with former
White House intern Monica Lewinsky, and now his legal defense fund is asking
her father to help pay for the consequences.
Dr. Bernard Lewinsky is letting all of Los Angeles
know he is madder than hell and is not going to take it anymore.
When the elder Lewinsky, a Los Angeles cancer
specialist, received a letter from The Clinton Legal Expense Trust asking him for
a donation to help the president clear his attorneys' bills, he put it back
in the mail marked ``Return to Sender. You must be morons to send me this
letter.''
But he also sent a photocopy of the envelope to Los
Angeles Times reporter Steve Harvey, whose ``Only in L.A.'' column focuses
on the wild and wacky side of the city. Harvey proudly published a photo
of the envelope Wednesday.
Lewinsky told Harvey it was the second begging
letter he had received from Clinton's legal expense fund people, who said that
the president owes about $5 million in legal expenses.
The Lewinsky family have not revealed the extent of
their legal expenses stemming from the investigation into Clinton's
affair with Monica Lewinsky, but they are believed to be considerable.
A Los Angeles radio disc jockey told his listeners
the letter from the Trust should be enshrined in the Smithsonian Institution
as ``The stupidest junk mail of the millennium.''
--
Susan Birkenseer
Sue@CircusPrepress.com
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Date: Thu, 2 Sep 1999 01:12:16 -0400
From: John N! Swegan <swiggy@CHATNET.COM>
Subject: Scottish Jokes [may be offensive to Scots]
(Note: I'm of Scottish heritage and am proud of the cheap, drunken bastards
I descended from... So there!
"Could you give a penny to the Lord," said the young Salvation Army
miss to the old Scotty while the band played its hymns.
"How old are ye, lassie?" asked Scotty.
"Why, I'm only eighteen. Why?"
"Well,' countered Scotty, "I'm eighty and I'll most likely be seeing
the Lord before you, so I'll give it to him then!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Uncle Paddy passed away, and it was up to young Robert to wire
the message back home to Glasgow. The cheapest price he could find
was ten words for three dollars.
The message reads as follows: UNCLE PADDY DIED YESTERDAY. NO PAIN.
SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember Campbell? He walked into the drugstore after the recent
blessed event and said he wanted to buy a new baby bottle. The
druggist couldn't believe his ears. "Bit extravagant, aren't we. I
always thought your missus nursed your wee ones."
Campbell clouded up and said, "Aye, and it's her fault, too!
Yesterday she had triplets!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Going over the weekly expenses, MacDougall asked what every
questionable item was for. His wife looked at the items in question
and answered, "This was for the plasters for my corns. This one is
for the medication for my bad tooth, and this one is for my ulcer."
MacDougall slammed the account book shut angrily and snapped at his
wife, "Dear, you've got to stop spending so much money on your
personal pleasures!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a great party!
The Italian brought the wine.
The Englishman brought the roast beef.
The Frenchman brought the pâté.
The Scotsman brought his brother!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Winters are fierce in Northern Scotland, so the owner of the estate
felt he was doing a good deed when he bought a pair of earmuffs for
his foreman.
One cold, blustery day, he noticed that the foreman wasn't wearing
them. In fact, he couldn't recall a time he'd ever seen the man wear
the earmuffs.
Walking up to his foreman, he asked, "Didn't you like the earmuffs I
gave you?"
"Oh, they were a thing of beauty and kept my ears nice and toasty
warm!"
"Then why aren't you wearing them?"
"Well, I did wear them that first cold day, but then, someone offered
me a drink and I didn't hear him!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
------------------------------
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