Digest for Friday, October 01, 1999

There are 9 messages totalling 344 lines in this issue. 




Topics of the day:
  1. WGASA
  2. The Urinal
  3. Limericks
  4. Joshua and Jericho
  5. The Cab Ride (adult content)
  6. Its A Wacky World! #74
  7. The Sking Champion (Pun)
  8. SOLVED !!!!!!!!!!!!!
  9. Why did the little moron cut a hole in the carpet? 


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Date:    Fri, 1 Oct 1999 06:40:45 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: WGASA

Some years ago, the famous San Diego Zoo opened a second,
larger branch called the San Diego Wild Animal Park. The
Park is built around an enormous open-field enclosure where
the animals roam free. To see the animals, visitors ride on
a monorail called the Wgasa Bush Line which circles the
enclosure. Here's the true story of how the Wgasa Bush Line
got its name.

They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding
name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers
saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal
Park?" One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on
the bottom. The planners loved it and the rest is history.
What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffer had
not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym
which was popular at the time. It stood for "Who Gives A
Shit Anyhow?"
(Source unknown)

http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/

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Date:    Fri, 1 Oct 1999 07:03:09 -0400
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: The Urinal

 A man gets off a plane in Boston and heads immediately for the Men's
 Room. It's crowded but he finds a vacant urinal to gain relief after the
 long flight and many drinks. The man at the urinal next to his says,
 "You're Jewish?"
 "Yes."
 "You come from Talahasee, Florida?"
 "Yes."
 "Your parents went to Temple Immanuel?"
 "Yes, I don't think I know you. How do you know so much about me?" The
 man next to him replies, "Rabbi Minski of Temple Immanuel is the only
 Rabbi I know that performs circumcisions by cutting at an angle and
 you're peeing in my shoe!"
=============================================================================

 "It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of
  you in the supermarket express lane."
                                      .....June Henderson

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Date:    Fri, 1 Oct 1999 08:21:53 -0400
From:    Paul Benoit <pbenoit@SPEEDLINETECH.COM>
Subject: Limericks <dirty, dirty, dirty!>

I know a tall Sunday school teacher,
Who wanted to screw the short preacher.
      She flashed him some thigh,
      But her pussy seemed high,
So he stood on a chair just to reach her.
      =-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=
There was a young girl of Angina
Who stretched catgut 'crost her vagina.
      From the love-making frock,
      (with the proper sized cock,)
Came Tocata and Fugue in D minor.
      =-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=
A mortician who practiced in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
      "How could I know, Judge?
      She was cold, dinna budge --
Just the same as she acted in life."
      =-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=
An exotic young lady named Suki,
Once danced in a troupe of kabuki,
      When asked for a fuck,
      he said, "Solly, no luck...
See here: looky looky, no nuki "
      =-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=
There was a young man of Devizes,
Whose balls were of different sizes.
      His tool when at ease,
      Hung down to his knees,
Oh, what must it be when it rises!
      =-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=
There once was a lady from Thrace,
Who's corset no longer would lace,
      Her mother said "Nellie,
      There's more in your belly,
Than ever went in through your face."
      =-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=
An uptight young lady named Breerley
Who valued her morals too dearly
      Had sex, so I hear,
      Only once every year,
And she strained her vagina severely.
      =-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=
There was an old count of Swoboda,
Who would not pay a whore what he owed her.
      So, with great savoir-faire,
      She stood on a chair,
And pissed in his whiskey-and-soda.
      =-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=
Helen Keller's pussy grew tight,
Masturbating alone late at night,
      She rubbed that hot gland,
      With just her left hand,
And silently moaned with her right.
      =-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=
The nipples of Sarah Strong,
When excited, are twelve inches long.
      This embarrassed her lover,
      Who was pained to discover,
She expected no less of his dong.

(via Original Sins, MsKitty and DKWall)

********************************************
The human race is faced with a cruel choice:
            work or daytime television.

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Date:    Fri, 1 Oct 1999 09:10:53 -0400
From:    Jim Mica <jmica@ITHACA.EDU>
Subject: Joshua and Jericho

Ultimate source unknown.

---------------------------
Subject:
        Who tore down the walls of Jericho?


Joshua and Jericho

The new pastor decided to visit the children's Sunday School.
The teacher introduced him and said, "Pastor, this morning
we're studying Joshua."

"That's wonderful," said the new Pastor, "let's see what you're
learning. Who tore down the walls of Jericho?"

Little Billy shyly raised hand and offered, "Pastor, I didn't do it."

Taken aback the Pastor asked, "Come on, now, who tore down
the walls of Jericho?"

Teacher, interrupting, said, "Pastor, Billy's a good boy. If he
says he didn't do it, I believe he didn't do it."

Flustered, the Pastor went to the Sunday School director and
related the story to him.

The Director looking worried, explained, "Well, sir, we've had
some problems with Billy before. Let me talk to him and see
what we can do."

Really bothered now, by the answers of the teacher and the
director, the new Pastor approached the deacons and related
the whole story, including the responses of the teacher and
the director.

A white-haired gentleman thoughtfully stroked his chin and
said, "Well, Pastor, I move we just take the money from the
general fund to pay for the walls and leave it at that."

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Date:    Fri, 1 Oct 1999 08:20:02 -0700
From:    rprieto@JUNO.COM
Subject: The Cab Ride (adult content)

  A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He
lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the
second
half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he
could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where
there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the
cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him
his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc.
but
to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't
have
fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was
forced
to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

  One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain
his
financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling
pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get
a
cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the
end
of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a
ride
when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about
how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a
plan.

  The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride
to the
airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for
you
to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

  The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and
asked the
same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at
the
back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the
airport?"
The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off
they
went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the
businessman
gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

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Date:    Fri, 1 Oct 1999 12:35:28 -0500
From:    Ken Brousseau Sr. <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: It's A Wacky World! #74

Copied from Ann Lander's Column in the Houston Post:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ann Landers: Here's another one for your stupid judge collection. I
guess it pays to get drunk in New Orleans. If this story had not appeared
in a respectable paper like the San Angelo Standard Times, I would not have
believed it. I hope you print it.  -- J.H., San Angelo

 Dear J.H.: No comment from me because this decision is apparently being
appealed, but here's the Associated Press story. Thank you for passing it
on.

 A drunken bicyclist was seriously injured when he ran a stop sign and
pedaled into the path of a police cruiser speeding to respond to a call.
The intoxicated bicyclist was awarded $95,485. The judge ruled that the
police officer was partially to blame for the collision with the
58-year-old bicyclist, who suffered two broken legs and a fractured skull.

 The bicyclist's lawyer said the ruling proves that "drunks have rights,
too." The man had a blood-alcohol level of 0.13, which exceeds the legal
limit of 0.10. The lawyer argued that the police officer could have avoided
the accident had he not been driving so fast. The officer said his siren
was blaring and his lights were flashing when he hit the intoxicated
bicyclist. The officer plans to appeal.
                            ***************

 Gem of the Day (Credit Chicago columnist Zay N. Smith): Guns don't kill
people. They just make it a lot easier.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Date:    Fri, 1 Oct 1999 18:43:25 -0700
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: The Sking Champion (Pun)

        Many people are not familiar with great champion skier, Picabo
Street. That is her real name (pronounced "Peek-a-boo") Truly, that is
the pronunciation. Skiing enthusiasts do know her and her
international reputation is well deserved, having won races throughout
the world and in all competitions. Yet, like most skiers, she has had
her share of injuries, some minor, others, unfortunately, major and
even life-threatening. Once, during a competition in Vermont, Picabo
Street suffered a serious injury in the Giant Slalom. Not only was her
career in danger, but her life was also. The injuries were repaired
but Ms. Street did have to spend some time in Intensive Care.

        When she recovered, she was incredibly grateful for the sophisticated
and loving care the doctors and, in fact, the entire hospital staff
had given her. Not only had they saved her life, but she soon returned
to competitive skiing. As she was again winning competitions and
making lots of money, Picabo Street decided to make a donation to the
hospital and the staff that had saved her life and career. She donated
a million dollars to be used at the discretion of the hospital
directors. The directors thought that the hospital's Intensive Care
Unit needed to be replaced, so they used the generous donation to
finance a new unit. And, of course, that unit is now called ... Picabo
I. C. U. (By Ted Brett)

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Date:    Fri, 1 Oct 1999 20:17:17 -0500
From:    RANEBOUX <raneboux@BELLSOUTH.NET>
Subject: SOLVED !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q: How do you solve the world's problems?
A: Get the hungry to eat the homeless



If u cannot find the pot of gold.......
  ~Just enjoy the Raneboux~
God Made Us Brothers, But Prozac Made Us Friends.
http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/9989/

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Date:    Sat, 2 Oct 1999 00:37:43 -0400
From:    George Hughes <hughie@MINDSPRING.COM>
Subject: Why did the little moron cut a hole in the carpet?

(Definitely an old one)

Why did the little moron cut a hole in the carpet?

He wanted to see a dirty floor show.

Why did the cover part of the hole over?

Well, he didn't want to see the "whole" show.

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